We often work with men who are in the process of dating women as a part of their search to find a fulfilling relationship. What we’ve found has been eye-opening. Many men, when approaching a first meeting with a woman call it a “date”, worry about how they should act, whether or not the woman is interested, how they are coming across, and what they are supposed to do at every turn. In short, they spend most of their time before, during and after the date worrying. They ask themselves “what will she think of me”, ‘what am I supposed to do next” and “what if I did it all wrong.” They also start thinking that this is their only chance at a relationship with someone compatible so they better not screw it up – essentially, they put all their eggs in one basket.
This is because they are bringing their inner Lover out too soon and have completely forgotten about their inner Player. While most of us who are interested in committed relationships often think of the word “Player” as a an dirty word, describing a man who is just out their to get laid and doesn’t care about women, we’d like to suggest an alternate definition for men who respect women. A Player is a man who is out there to have a good time playing with women, exploring adventure, intimacy and sexual energy from a place of comfort and ease. This is a process of getting to know multiple women in order to find one that really fits who they are.
Once you do find a woman who fits what you are looking for it is essential to keep your inner Player engaged, not getting too serious or too overly-enthusiastic about her too quickly. Only after you take the time to play with her and give her the space to approach you as much as you are approaching her, is it time to bring out your inner Lover. This is the time to talk to this woman about your adoration, bring your passion and intensity to the interaction and create the deep, loving and sexually charged connections only your inner Lover can bring.
It is when men get stuck in one of these two roles, perpetually the adolescent boy looking for a score and never finding a deeper connection or satisfaction, or perpetually the hopeless romantic, always serious, committed, rushing into the future and forgetting to enjoy the process of playing with each moment they share with a partner or potential partner. In order to keep passion, connection and fire alive, you have to balance these two personalities throughout a relationship, engaging your inner Player when you want to flirt and tease and then your inner Lover when you want to go to places of depth and intimacy. We love helping men create this balance in their lives so that they can find the woman of their dreams and know exactly how to seduce and satisfy her!
Celeste and Danielle