You might not believe it, but humans make mistakes all the time – you, your partner, your best friend, your parents, Celeste and Danielle… everyone. The first step in gaining more confidence is admitting to yourself that you are not perfect, and then letting your partner in on that little known secret. When you allow for your imperfections to show, you make room for your partner’s imperfections as well, and then we can all be relieved to know that none of us has it “all together” – then we can really be ourselves in a good healthy relationship.
How to be more confident in relationships is not about knowing for certain that you are going to do everything perfect (p.s. you aren’t), it comes from knowing that the love, connection or caring between you and another person is strong enough to make room for your imperfections, the moments of disconnection, mistakes and all your other foibles. When you are truly confident, what you know is that you are available and can stay present through those moments of misunderstanding, disconnection and imperfection and that you can trust your partner (and others) to do their best in the situation as well. It is less about apologizing and forgiving than it is about really hearing and understanding what each person in the relationship is feeling and staying with that feeling until they are all out, heard and held. This creates reparation and reunion and allows your personal confidence and your confidence in a relationship to build in a healthy way. We invite you to take the time and energy to build this confidence by being real, sharing your underlying feelings and learning ways you and your partner can stop blaming and shaming and instead become a team focused on reparation and re-connection.