We recently received a great question from Nick, who was interested in issues around the smells and tastes that come up with Oral Sex. We know this is a common issue and though we’d post the answer for everyone to share and discuss!
“I’m hoping you might be able to provide some advice on a sensitive issue – do you have any quick tips for men to learn how to enjoy giving oral sex to women, or can you point me to any self-study resources? I’ve never really liked it. I know this is horrible to say, but it’s generally a fear of the feel and smell. (I’m a very picky eater when it comes to food, avoiding those foods with weird textures or smells, and I think that extends to the human body. I just don’t like putting strange things in my mouth…)
“Part of the problem, too, is that I’ve been trained via porn to expect a certain ideal appearance down there, even though I know that porn bodies aren’t real bodies…
“If you have some tips or can point me in a direction, it would be appreciated!”
Our answer: Dear Nick,
I know it can be challenging when you are very particular about tastes, smells and sights to really get into the joys that giving a woman oral sex can bring. A few ideas:
1) Buy a book (or find a similar online source) that has pictures of a wide variety of vaginas and try masturbating to different types, especially those that you are less used to or comfortable with. You might use some other types of arousing images and then intersperse images of different kinds of vaginas in while you are masturbating,
2) Ask if she could shower before you have sex.
3) Put something flavorful that you like on her pussy before having oral sex. Kama Sutra makes a great powdered product called “honey dust”. Avoid other flavored sex products, most of them are quite terrible. If you use something sugary, make sure she washes thoroughly after, especially inside her vagina so she doesn’t get a yeast infection. (Another note – strawberries have tiny seeds that break off easily – not something you notice in your mouth but something to avoid for the vagina!)
I am more than a little curious to know, from a woman’s perspective–in fact from several women– how a man’s groin scent is perceived, and how does the taste of his ejaculate work for her…reaction? Would women who avoid performing oral sex on men be more inclined if he wore a condom?
My ex boyfriend pretty much lived for blowjobs – and I think condoms would have really defeated the purpose of them for him. I really could not stand the taste or giving them for that matter, but if he was in or just out of the shower they were not that bad. If a woman seems like she enjoys the taste – during or *After* a blowjob, I think she’s a great actress – I don’t know any that really enjoy it or giving a BJ. I do it becuase it’s easier than sex sometimes, honestly.
Thank you for your honest reply. I noticed the prefix “ex” regarding your experience giving head to a boyfriend. Does that speak legions? In any event, my situation, I had a radical prostatectomy and now produce zero ejaculate. I am wondering if that would be adventageous in the “dating” world. I have never experienced a “covered” bj. You also “think” condoms defeat the purpose, but did you and a sex partner ever try that? I’m close, in my sex therapy, to enlisting a partner (not my therapist) and of course am encourage anyone with experience in either giving blowjobs involving using a condom, or oral sex with a man who does not provide “fluids” in oral enduced orgasm to post your experience on this blog.
We decided that there is some great stuff to address here and wanted to write publicly about it. Claire – thanks for putting such honesty out there with your story. First, we’d like to tell you what we tell all of our clients – if there’s anything sexually that you do not enjoy, do not do it. Allow yourself the freedom to never have to give another blowjob if you don’t want to. Then, you have a choice. And after you truly feel into the knowledge that you don’t ever have to do it again, if you do ever make a choice to do it again, you can do it from a place of generosity as opposed to obligation. We guarantee that you will never enjoy giving a blowjob if you are giving them out of obligation – that usually leads to resentment. Also, know that there are plenty – and we mean plenty – of women that genuinely love giving blowjobs, sometimes it arouses them and sometimes they enjoy it because of how much their partner is aroused – just as some men absolutely love giving oral sex to a woman. Many women also love the smell of their partner. As for the ejaculate – WD’s zero ejaculate may be a great bonus to some women – everyone has assets appreciated by different people, so we encourage everyone to be proud of what you have to offer. And we also know with absolute certainty that some women love ejaculate, too. Finally, we’d like to dispel the myth that men desire to ejaculate on their partner or in her mouth is centered around degrading woman. A friend and colleague studied male fantasies around ejaculation and found almost the opposite – the fantasies are about acceptance, symbolized by a very powerful message given by the woman in the form of literally accepting all of him. So, our bottom line is this: enjoy everything about sex that you enjoy, don’t do anything you don’t enjoy, and leave some curiosity and room to explore everything in between. Have fun out there 🙂