Do you want to have hotter and more exciting sex with your partner? Or are you looking to overcome a sexless marriage? Then you should check out our new sex therapy book Coming Together, where we talk about the typical challenges people face around desire and arousal – and how to overcome them. One thing that can really help you regain that sexual spark in a relationship is understanding and increasing sexual compatibility. So here are some tips from the book to do just that:
First Off: What is Sexual Compatibility, Anyway?
Sexual compatibility is when two people feel satisfied having sex with each other. In order for sex to be hot, it must fulfill a good deal of your own and your partner’s Core Desires. Generally, those are found through one or more Hottest Sexual Movies.
Unfortunately, our culture promotes the belief that people who are “meant for each other” automatically have amazing sex. It’s based on the assumption that this happens without them ever having to identify or communicate what they need. This premise is exacerbated by the fact that most relationships have a “honeymoon period.”
Does the Honeymoon Period count?
The honeymoon period is generally the first 6 to 18 months of a relationship. During this period, you may be able to have super hot sex with your partner – even if you are not particularly sexually compatible. You might even have hot sex without having to tell your partner anything about what you want.
When you are with someone new, it’s possible to project all of your fantasies onto them. And these projections can be enough to fuel the fires of desire and arousal that lead to a lot of sexual fulfillment. What’s more, the uncertainty of new romance can be very arousing – because you have no idea if your partner will keep choosing you or not.
Once in awhile two people get together who happen to have complementary turn-ons. The Hottest Sexual Movie they play out with each other is highly compatible. It is likely that couples who experience this will stay satisfied even after the honeymoon period is over.
Unfortunately, most people don’t end up with high enough compatibility that they are able to get their Hottest Sexual Movies met ongoing. Whether that’s in spontaneous sexual encounters, or without any communication.
If you already have a high level of sexual compatibility with your partner, consider yourself lucky. This is much more rare than people think. If you happen to be lucky in this way, sharing more specifically about your Core Desires and Hottest Sexual Movies will help you make sex even more delicious than it already was.
The Bridging and Turn-Taking Techniques
If you are a couple who has felt less compatible so far, all is not lost! It is still possible to have an extremely hot sex life by increasing your sexual compatibility. There are two ways you can do this:
The first is called “bridging”. In bridging, you get creative with your Hottest Sexual Movies. You try to find ways to play sexually together that get to both of your Core Desires at the same time. In other words – there may be ways you can have sex that you haven’t even tried. And they will give each of you the feelings you really want to have during a single sexual experience.
If you find bridging is not providing you with a way to hit your Core Desires at the same time, you might want to try turn-taking. Turn-taking can happen during the same sexual interaction, or on different days. In turn-taking, you first focus on playing out one partner’s Hottest Sexual Movie, before going on to the other person’s fantasy. While you may have a strong desire to bridge your fantasies, it can sometimes be more fulfilling to take turns. This way, each person gets the full experience of what they want. Neither have to feel like it is being watered down.
To learn all about bridging and turn-taking step-by-step, and explore the many ways to increase your sexual compatibility, order your copy of Coming Together now!