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Dear women,

Our social training as women has taught us some terrible lessons about how to be in relationships. Lessons in being women encourage us to put everyone else first, focus on others needs and problems, and blame others when things go wrong instead of taking responsibility for our choices and how we allow ourselves to be treated. The most dynamic, growth-oriented, successful and passionate lives and relationship come from doing just the opposite – they come from knowing what you want, prioritizing yourself, and being clear (in a kind way) with the people you love about your needs. Words like selfish are used against girls as they are growing up to train them to be caretakers of others before themselves. Yet, caretaking others before yourself leads to burn-out, resentment, blame and shutdown. We have made up a new word that we want to introduce to women as a guidepost to creating the life you want and being a mentor to your daughters, teaching them to be true to themselves as well. It is called Selfness. Selfnessmeans cultivating a strong relationship with yourself where you listen to your inner voice, speak up for yourself, follow your dreams, and proudly request what you want from others in your life. There are huge payoffs to cultivating Selfness, the most important of which is a deep respect for yourself and respect from those you love. Keeping in touch with and listening to this voice in the long-term creates a strong foundation for conscious relationships, financial success and loving, present parenting.

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