What Is A Surrogate Partner? 5 Common Myths, Debunked
Curiosity around surrogate partner therapy has grown rapidly in recent years. But with that interest comes confusion and a lot of misinformation. Despite decades of research and clinical history, surrogate partner work is often misunderstood or sensationalized.
So, let’s set the record straight.
Below are five of the most common myths about surrogate partners and what’s actually true:
Myth #1: Surrogate Partners Are Just Sex Workers with a Different Title
Reality: Surrogate partner therapy originated from the work of sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson in the 1960s. They identified that sexual difficulties often involved emotional and relational issues, not just physical ones.
To address this, they introduced surrogate partner therapy, where a clinical psychologist and a trained surrogate team up to help clients overcome sexual challenges through structured, therapeutic experiences. This triadic model of therapy (therapist, client surrogate) supports individuals in exploring intimacy, communication, and sexual functioning in a safe environment.
Myth #2: It’s Only for People with Physical Disabilities
Reality: While surrogate partner therapy has supported many clients with disabilities, it’s also used by people working through social anxiety, trauma, touch aversion, or developmental gaps around intimacy.
The work is customized to each person’s needs, often helping people unlearn shame, regulate nervous system responses, acclimate to touch, and build basic relational skills.
Myth #3: Surrogates “Fix” Their Clients
Reality: Surrogates don’t provide “cures.” They collaborate.
The work is about co-creating safe, embodied experiences of connection and guiding people through practices that increase self-awareness and confidence. The surrogate is not a fantasy partner; they’re a practice partner who can help make a bridge to real-world intimacy.
Myth #4: There Are No Boundaries
Reality: Boundaries are central to this work. Surrogate partners follow a clear code of ethics, including therapist oversight, and are entirely consent-based.
It’s about modeling healthy communication and respecting each person’s pace by not pushing past comfort zones.
Myth #5: It’s Unethical or Exploitative
Reality: When practiced ethically, surrogate partner therapy can be profoundly helpful.
Like any therapeutic practice, it depends on training, informed consent, and clear intention. Many clients describe it as life-changing, especially those who have struggled in silence or felt left out of traditional therapeutic models.
Still curious?
Experiential, somatic-based approaches to intimacy are growing for a reason. We’re realizing that talk therapy alone doesn’t always reach the deeper layers of healing and that sometimes, safe, embodied, human connection is the missing ingredient.
Read this article for some historical perspectives on surrogate partner therapy, who should engage with a surrogate, and how to find one.
