Confidence

Sample Chapter

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CONFIDENCE

The Definitive Guide To Being
The Man You Want To Be
And Driving Women Wild

Celeste Hirschman, M.A.
Danielle Harel, Ph.D.

Copyright © 2024 Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harel
All rights reserved. Cover image by Freepik.

Published by Somatica Press

This book is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention.

ISBN 9798341431140

Quality 1: Presence

Presence is being fully and completely in the moment, staying connected with yourself, and bringing all of your attention and intention to whatever experience you are having. It is the sentence, “I am here with you, open to all that you are, and I don’t need to change anything about myself.” In this sentence, the “I” comes first and, to come into presence, you must get in touch with yourself first.

So take a moment and ask yourself, “Who the hell am I and what do I want?” Good. Now don’t think about your answer. Most people try to answer this question from their head. If you try to answer this question with your head, you will be right where most of us are most of the time, lost in thought and disconnected from your body and your real desires. Unfortunately, your head lies to you many times a day, saying things like, “You should be more successful,” or “Nobody is going to be attracted to you.” On the other hand, when we listen to our bodies and emotions, we hear our deeper truth. In order to know what you want and feel powerful, you first need to come into connection with this deeper knowing in your body. By connecting to your body, you feel your sense of who you are and your personal power. Personal power is not power over anyone – it is power in relationship with everyone. To feel powerful, you do not need to be in charge of other people and you don’t need people to cower in front of you. What you need is to know yourself fully, accept yourself unapologetically and bring this kind of presence no matter who is standing in front of you. True power and desire come from a connection with your gut and your pelvis, not your head.

Get Out of Your Head

Coming into presence starts with getting out of your head. We don’t think it is an exaggeration to say that most people spend about 99% of their waking moments in their head. Much of this consists of processing experiences from your past, telling yourself what you should or shouldn’t be doing, evaluating and criticizing your own and other’s words or actions, and planning the future.

The problem with living your whole life in and from your head is that knowing what you want or connecting with another person does not come from disembodied heads. If you spend your entire life in your head planning and worrying about the future or reliving or regretting the past, then you don’t get the chance to know who you really are and what you really want. You also don’t get to experience the deeper connections that are possible from sex and relationships.

Another option is to live an embodied life where you are present in each moment. Living an embodied life means being connected to your senses and your emotions in the present moment. When you tune into all of your senses and feel what is happening in your body, you appreciate the fullness and satisfaction of every experience you have. Living in your body also means being aware of and making space for your emotions. While you may have been taught emotions are extraneous, something to be ashamed of and overcome, emotions are actually essential for people’s survival. Emotions bond us to one another and tell us what we want and don’t want. When you listen to your emotions instead of trying to stop them, they flow smoothly, and give you tons of information.

Get in Touch with Your Desire

Coming into presence requires that you connect with your body and your sexual desire. These are the parts of your body and psyche that most of your social lessons tell you to distance from and deny. If you really want to know what you want – and get it – you must re-integrate your sexual self into every part of your life.

Picture an animal that is about to mate standing before a potential mating partner. He is not planning or worrying about the last one that flew away. He is fully in his own body, connected unequivocally with his sexual arousal in the present moment. He feels every breath, every twitch, every subtle signal of his potential mate. As he reads these signals, he begins a dance that may eventually bring him into connection. If he splits his attention away from this desire or loses connection with the recipient of his desire, he misses the opportunity before him. Staying fully present and attuned to his erotic desire and the responses of his mate creates his only opportunity for success.

Your power, your confidence and your sexual interactions with women depend on you being in the moment in your erotic body (and eventually reading a woman’s queues and responding to them in the moment with your body and your head). In contrast, planning ahead or trying to come up with the perfect words is an oblivious, detached place to be. This state of detachment is part of what women mean when they say men are “emotionally unavailable.” When you are in your head, you are distanced from your own sensation and connection with yourself and from potential moments of erotic energy exchange. When you are in your body, you can feel desire coursing through you and you can generate and read desire in women.

Feel Your Erotic Power

When you are in your body you reconnect with your erotic power – a power that has always been inside you but may have slowly been buried deeper and deeper throughout your life. As men, you get so many conflicting messages about sex. You are told that you are supposed to want sex all the time from anyone and that you are less than a man if you do not try to get it anytime and anywhere you can. You are also told that women don’t want sex, that you have to be polite and respectful and shut off your erotic power because it might be harmful to the women around you. What you are not taught is how to engage fully and consciously with your erotic power so you can know what you want and get it while giving women exactly what they want as well.

Pump Up Your Power

One way to feel more masculine power comes from feeling the actual strength that you have in your muscles. This can be achieved quite literally through physical exercise, but it is important to do exercise that supports your body and your energy.

We have noticed that many men feel the greatest sense of transformation and confidence when they begin activities that push them to their physical limits, whether it be weight training, martial arts, yoga, sprinting, or dance. Of course, if you are going to begin any exercise program, especially one that is going to push your body to its limits, it is absolutely essential to have the guidance of a professional. Plan on taking a few sessions with a personal trainer to get started.

Find a place to work out that is about serious, powerful exercise or movement and find a trainer or teacher who is willing to take you to your limits while making sure you don’t get injured. If possible, it can also be deeply embodying when doing these kinds of workouts to use your voice. When you work out hard, you will want to breathe, grunt, shout, sing, or chant while you sweat. See how present you can be in these moments, focusing completely on the sensation in your body and the pleasure of feeling this kind of power.

Let’s take dance as one example of a powerful, confidence-building exercise. Dance is one of the most ancient forms of self-expression and can bring you to a place that is erotically charged and enlivening. It also requires a kind of letting go of physical control of your body and giving yourself a chance to find your body’s own natural, creative self-expression. We also strongly encourage you to take some partner dancing classes, especially if you have a difficult time approaching women. Partner dancing classes require you to rotate partners, meet and have physical contact with many different women and, eventually, ask women to dance with you. It is a great way to practice with physical connection and overcome your fear of rejection.

Sex, at the most basic level, is an act of physical connection, creation and creativity. Anything that takes you out of your normal, habitual daily behaviors, requires you to make physical connections and increases your creativity creates new pathways between your brain and your body that can then be strengthened and expanded upon. You may also feel this way after any activity that takes you out of your logical brain and brings you to your body and your creative force.