Building Confidence from the Inside Out – A Reflection from Virgin Island Ep. 3

There’s something deeply raw and beautiful about witnessing someone stand at the edge of their comfort zone — uncertain but willing. That’s exactly what we saw unfold in episode 3 of Virgin Island. It wasn’t just about flirting, first kisses, or cheeky challenges. It was about courage, vulnerability, and the quiet, powerful journey of building confidence. 

We’ve worked with many people who think confidence is something you either have or don’t. As if it were a fixed trait, gifted to some and elusive to others. But confidence isn’t a switch, it’s a muscle. Like any muscle, it needs to be trained, stretched, and, at times, rested.

Celeste in a confidence exercise with ‘Virgin Island’ participant Emma

On the island, we watched as some of the participants faced real internal battles — questioning their desirability, comparing themselves to others, doubting whether they were “doing it right.”

These aren’t just dating dilemmas; they’re deeply human ones. And the truth is, confidence is born in those moments. Not in the glossy highlight reels, but in the wobbly bits. The bits that make us feel exposed, but also, when tended to gently, liberated.

So What Does It Actually Mean to Build Confidence?

As sexologists and coaches, here’s what we believe:

1. Confidence starts with acceptance, not performance.

You don’t need to become someone else to feel confident. You need to learn how to be fully, lovingly yourself. That means making peace with your body, your desires, your awkward laugh, your quiet voice, or your bold energy — whatever your truth is. The people on Virgin Island who started to shine weren’t the loudest or most polished. They were the ones learning to feel at home in themselves.

Tom building confidence through physical activity exercises on ‘Virgin Island’

2. Confidence is about connection, not comparison.

Comparison is the thief of joy and confidence. It distracts you from your own magic.

Building confidence means turning down the volume on who you think you should be, and tuning into who you actually are. When we saw the islanders begin to connect authentically with each other — without masks, without games — that’s when confidence really bloomed.

Celeste and Danielle tactically showcasing how you can create self-confidence by authentically building connection

3. Confidence grows when you take risks.

It’s in those moments when you step outside your comfort zone (saying yes to vulnerability, trying something new, speaking your truth) that confidence begins to take root.

But risk doesn’t mean recklessness. It means leaning into your edges with intention, and ideally, with support. Confidence flourishes when you’re surrounded by people who reflect your worth back to you, who cheer you on, and who hold space when you feel unsure.

On the show, we saw how encouragement and kind curiosity helped individuals take bold steps and feel truly seen. Even the bravest leaps feel steadier when someone is holding your hand.

4. Confidence doesn’t mean never feeling insecure.

This is perhaps the biggest myth of all. Even the most seemingly confident people have self-doubt. The difference is that they don’t let insecurity drive the car. They acknowledge it, soothe it, and keep moving forward. Building confidence means practicing courage over and over, even when your voice shakes.

Zac kissing the hand of Pia during a confidence building exercise on ‘Virgin Island’

Tools to Help You Build Confidence

We’re proud of what the participants are learning — not just about each other, but about themselves. Because ultimately, that’s what sexual empowerment is about. It’s not just about pleasure or attraction – it’s about standing in your own light, knowing you’re worthy of love, touch, connection, and respect.

To everyone watching: know that your journey of confidence is valid and entirely your own. You don’t have to be the boldest in the room to be powerful. Sometimes, the quietest voice saying “I’m enough” is the bravest voice of all.

Want to begin building your own confidence, from the inside out? Explore our Confidence Activation guide or self-paced virtual classes to take your next step.

With love and warmth 💕
Celeste & Danielle
Lead Sexologists – Virgin Island, Channel 4