Protecting your partner from something potentially damaging or hurtful sends a powerful message to your partner that you don’t trust them. Regardless of how important it is for you to keep things flowing along smoothly, relationships experience and need to be able to survive the natural ups and downs of life. Disappointment and elation, frustration and contentment, anger and happiness are all part of a healthy, lasting relationship. Keeping secrets to save the relationship or your partner from disappointment, frustration or anger, or any of the emotions some judge as “negative” – is not allowing the richness and fulness of a relationship. Keeping important information away from others (in any relationship) narrows the spectrum of emotional sharing and, by letting your fears close you off, you begin pattern of closing yourself off in general. Allowing yourself privacy and boundaries is a great thing, but as Dr. Tammy Nelson writes, negotiate what you want to be a part of your relationship and what is safe for the relationship in terms of “Privacy” – in other words, keep mindful watch as to what you are keeping from your partner, and much more importantly – WHY you are keeping it from them. It could be keeping you from a richer relationship full of growth and true connection!
Celeste & Danielle – this is a beautiful post – thank you!
I’ve been with my DH for 26 years and keeping secrets never works. A wall is created, blocking the relationship from being completely ‘illuminated’ and vulnerable. The wall can become stronger as more secrets are kept and other information withheld, resulting in the inability to feel truly connected with one’s beloved.
Like exercise and diet regimes, relationships require committed effort, including the ability to be transparent, even if it’s an uncomfortable situation. Love and forgiveness are a bold choice for a peaceful heart – and sensational sex! 😉 Cheers! Ande Lyons @BringBackDesire