It always amazes us how much information and transformation happens when we begin to coach experientially and hands-on with couples. While talking and learning to communicate face to face is very productive, when it comes to sex, much of the communication is non-verbal. Many people find it challenging to communicate their desires, to check on their partner if they are not sure that they are engaged in the sexual encounter, and to tell a partner when they are or aren’t enjoying themselves.
When we introduce hands on coaching to couples, some get nervous: “Do you want us to have sex in front of you?” As much as it might sound arousing to the reader, it can also be scary, and bring taboos and fears immediately to the surface – therefore we always stay within a couple’s comfort level. When a couple begins touching each other in the coaching room, a whole different aspect of their relating appears in the room. For example, when they explore a connecting breath, they might find out that they have strong connection on a heart level but nowhere else, they just aren’t feeling each other sexually. When they begin caressing each other, even when it comes to face and hand caresses, the real dynamics between them surface. When we see people interact at this level of intimacy, we can target our coaching much more quickly. For example, we might find that one partner is very dominant and that the other partner is terrified to move or touch with confidence. We might see that one is too focused on orgasm, and forgets to have fun (this is exactly when orgasms become stubborn and sneaky, and gets away from us without peaking). We love helping couples connect when they touch, caress, and make love. We love helping them ask for what they want and communicate their desires. We love watching them realize that YES – there is hope for their sexual relationship. We love watching them connect on a deeper, more fulfilling and more intimate level.