Try This Powerful Vulnerability Exercise Today for Unfiltered Intimacy

In the Somatica Training, we start each session with a talk about keeping your eyes on the prize. What is the prize? Intimacy.

Teaching people how to be vulnerable is the most potent Somatica tool for deepening emotional intimacy. It’s a vulnerability exercise we call the “I Feel Game”.

Why Do We Struggle With Sharing Ourselves?

Sharing yourself vulnerably can be very difficult for many reasons.

You may have no idea what it means to share vulnerably, or how to get in touch with your vulnerable side. This can be especially true if you grew up in a family, neighborhood, school, or environment where being tough was valued or necessary. As a result, you may have never witnessed someone show the parts of themselves that could be judged as weak, needy, or difficult. 

Alternatively, you may have grown up in an environment where you were supposed to be polite, easy to deal with, and never rock the boat.

Sometimes being vulnerable is accompanied by a show of tender or strong emotions, which might have been discouraged in your younger years.

The risk of sharing your deepest desires is uncertainty — not knowing if your partner feels the same or if they’re willing to match your vulnerability.

For true intimacy however, you need to move past those well-tuned, lifelong habits of performing, pleasing, and protecting yourself – and learn how to be vulnerable in relationships.

As an example, I talk openly in this video about my struggles being vulnerable in my life:

Why Being Vulnerable Deepens Connection

If intimacy is the prize, vulnerability is the path that gets you there. It is the bridge between two inner worlds. Without it, people may spend years side by side, sharing logistics, responsibilities, and even decent sex – without ever fully knowing each other.

The reason vulnerability deepens connection is simple: it is the only way another person can actually see who you are on the inside.

When you share yourself, you let someone see what matters to you, how you experience life, and what you really feel. You let them see your dreams, joys and hurts. You open up about what excites you, what scares you, what you long for, what you are ashamed of, and what you are trying so hard to protect. These are the tender places that most people hide. 

Being vulnerable creates emotional intimacy. It is built when you reveal something real and meaningful, the other person receives it, and this sharing then grows in both directions. 

When vulnerability is mutual, you and your partner create a circuit of loving feelings. Telling someone how you feel about them, and that you want them, invites them into your heart. The circuit completes when you or your partner take the risk of revealing your true feelings, the other person feels it, and responds in kind. That back-and-forth flow is the living current of intimacy.

This is also why vulnerability is the only way someone you love can truly empathize with you. Empathy requires access to your most tender, loving, uncertain or painful parts. If your partner cannot feel what is happening inside you, they have nothing real to respond to.

By sharing your sadness, hurt, fear, longing, or love, you give them the chance to step into your world for a moment and feel with you. That is empathy. And empathy is one of the deepest bonding forces in a relationship.

Of course, being vulnerable does not guarantee the response you want. That is part of why it takes courage. But without vulnerability, there is also no possibility of being fully known. And without being known, love can only go so deep.

The Practice of Sharing Yourself

One of our most commonly used emotional intimacy exercises for couples is what we call The “I Feel” Game. It’s a vulnerability exercise that gives you and your partner the opportunity to share present moment feelings of any kind openly.

Most people are not particularly good at sharing their feelings in real time. Instead of saying what they feel in the moment, they explain themselves, analyze what is happening, or try to manage the other person’s emotions. Even worse – when challenging feelings come up, they try to fix or make them go away instead of simply noticing their own response.

The “I Feel” Game is an intimacy exercise that helps you and your partner stay connected to your own emotional experience while remaining present with each other. It teaches you how to simply name the feelings as they arise, without explaining, defending, or fixing.

How to Do the Vulnerability Exercise

Sit facing your partner in a comfortable position where you can easily make eye contact. Take a moment to settle into your body and notice your breath.

You and your partner will go back and forth, sharing about your present-moment emotional experience.

Each statement has the following words in it:
“I feel…” or “When you say that, I feel…”

Begin by sharing one feeling you notice right now.

You might say:

“I feel a little nervous doing this exercise with you.”
“When I look at you, I feel curious about how you are feeling right now.”
“I feel warm sitting here with you.”

Then your partner responds by sharing their own feeling.

For example:

“When I hear that you are a little nervous too, I feel more relaxed.”
“Hearing that makes me feel closer to you.”
“When you say that, I notice I feel tender.”

Then keep going back and forth.

The point is not to comment on your partner’s feelings or explain them. The point is to stay connected to your own emotional experience and share that honestly.

1. Stay in the Present Moment

Focus on what you feel right now, rather than telling stories about the past.

Instead of saying: “I felt hurt when you said that last week…”

Try bringing it into the present moment: “As I talk about that now, I notice I feel sad.”

This helps you stay connected to what is alive in you now, rather than drifting into old stories.

2. Don’t Explain or Justify Your Feelings

Try to simply name the feeling you are having.

For example:
“I feel vulnerable because I’m worried you’ll misunderstand me.”

rather than:

“I think it’s normal that I feel vulnerable when you misunderstand me.”

The more simply you can name the feeling, the more powerful the exercise becomes.

3. Don’t Attempt to Fix Your Partner’s Feelings

When your partner shares something uncomfortable, you may feel the urge to apologize, defend yourself, reassure them, or make the feeling go away. For this exercise, do your best not to do that.

Instead of saying:
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

Notice your own response and share that:
“When I hear you say that, I notice I feel ashamed and I want to apologize.”

This keeps you in connection with yourself rather than jumping out of your experience to manage your partner’s.

4. Challenge Yourself to Be as Vulnerable as You Can

Try finding the feelings inside you that are most vulnerable or tender to share.

You might say:

“I feel embarrassed admitting that.”
“Right now, I want you so much, but I get scared you don’t want me.”
“I feel touched by how present you are with me.”

When you let yourself share something real, you create the possibility for deeper love, connection, and empathy. Very often, your vulnerability invites your partner to open up too.

5. Notice the Circuit of Connection

As you do the exercise, pay attention to what happens when one of you shares openly and the other responds from a real place.

You may notice feeling softer, more open, or more connected. If that happens, say it out loud.

For example:

“When you share that with me, I feel so much closer to you.”
“Hearing you say that makes me feel touched deeply.”
“When you open up like that, I feel so much more connected.”

6. Closing the Exercise

After you have gone back and forth for several minutes, pause and take a breath together. Then share a few reflections with each other.

“What did you notice in yourself during this exercise?”
“What was it like to share feelings without explaining them?”
“Did anything surprise you?”
“Do you feel any different toward me now than when you started?”

Take a moment to appreciate each other for being willing to show up as your authentic selves and share honestly.

What This Vulnerability Exercise Helps You Practice

This exercise helps you and your partner practice:

• staying connected to your own emotions
• sharing present-moment feelings clearly and directly
• listening without fixing or defending
• staying present with each other’s emotional experience
• experiencing how vulnerability deepens intimacy

Over time, this kind of practice can help you feel more seen, more understood, and more emotionally connected in your relationship.

There Are Many Ways to Be Vulnerable in a Relationship

The “I Feel” Game is only one practice of vulnerability in relationships – there are many more ways that you can practice lowering your guard.

For example, it’s very open and raw to share your desires and fantasies with your partner. So is letting them know that there are things that trigger you or you’re ashamed of. It may feel very sensitive to talk about your struggles or things that you don’t know how to do. 

If you have thoughts and feelings you’d like you really share, but are scared to, you have landed on some vulnerability. Take some time and be gentle with yourself. Don’t push yourself to share before you are ready. 

Remember: you deserve to feel the circuit of love flowing between you and your partner.

What You Should Do Next

The “I Feel Game” is just one in our stable of incredible Somatica tools.
If you want to explore more, we have some great resources for you:

• Enroll in one of our online classes
• Read another Somatica Tools article on “Core Desire Visualization Exercises”
• Book a session with a Certified Somatica Coach for support in learning how to communicate vulnerably in a relationship
• Wanna super charge your learning and empower others to have more profound relationships? Become a Certified Somatica Coach!