How Performance Anxiety Works
While it is well-known that ED can be caused by anxiety, most believe that this anxiety is all about performance – and yes, some of it is. It is not surprising that a lot of men experience performance anxiety since boys are socialized around having to prove they are always capable and competent. If you want to get all of the information we have on psychological ED in one place, download and listen to our Face Your Erectile Dysfunction Now! Teleclass.
The Negative Erection Cycle
Once men experience a couple of erection failures, they begin to lose confidence in themselves, which leads to performance anxiety. What men don’t realize is that it is quite common, especially as they age, that erections are likely to come and go and not always be there exactly when you want them too.
Men put a tremendous amount of pressure on their bodies to always perform perfectly. Long before intercourse even begins, at the first thought that it might be time to have sex, men become anxious and worried that they will not be able to get hard or stay hard. This anxiety constricts the blood vessels and keeps men in their minds and disconnected from their bodies, making it much more likely for ED to continue.
Take the Pressure Off
You can take pressure off your cock by understanding what women really want from sex and learning how to drive your woman wild before you even take your pants off. To put it simply, what women really want from sex is an emotional experience. Women have sex to feel something! (To find out how to make them feel it all, check out the Cockfidence Workshop or Cockfidence Book). They want to feel your desire and they want to feel you are fully present.
If you lose your erection and then feel guilty or ashamed you will likely distance from your partner and she may feel left alone or abandoned. Instead, if you really make her feel something and give her and her body all the attention it needs, she will be laying there, a puddle of post-orgasmic bliss, with much less concern if sometimes you have an erection and sometimes you don’t. This way, you can take the pressure off of your cock as you continue to pursue better mastery.
Pursue Better Mastery
You can directly confront the cycle of anxiety with a few simple steps:
Notice sensations in your body. Where is it feeling tight? Where is it feeling relaxed? Can you feel your arms and legs? Is there tightness in your chest or stomach?
Practice Sexual Embodiment Breath (which can be found in Cockfidnece or on our Master Your Ejaculation Teleclass) Allow your body to unclench. Breathe directly into any parts that feel tight and imagine them releasing and relaxing with the breath.
Relax your mind. One way to do this is by giving yourself calming messages that help you unclench your body and let go of destructive and anxiety perpetuating thoughts. Instead of paying attention to what might be wrong, notice what is happening in your body with curiosity, not judgment. Try giving yourself positive messages around your body and pleasure like, “My body can give and receive pleasure just as it is” and “It feels good to touch and be touched.”
Connect with Pleasure
Connect with pleasurable sensations. Often, when you begin struggling with ED, you lose connection with the extraordinary pleasure sex can (and possibly once did) offer you. Continue breathing deeply and using the breath to connect you with any sensations in your body that feel arousing, erotic, sensual or pleasurable. Bring your mind into connection with your body by saying, “I can feel pleasure in my __________ (fill in the blank, i.e., hands, stomach).” Continue to relax and connect with that sensation. Focusing back toward pleasure can really help turn the tides of performance anxiety.