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Boundaries part 4 – How to Offer a Boundary Lovingly

Gift box

If you think of boundaries as essential to love and intimacy, then offering a boundary is actually a gift. Unfortunately, usually when people share their boundaries, they feel like they are being selfish or will hurt their partner so they aren’t clear or they have waited and begun to build resentment and then theboundaries come out as harsh. Imagine the next time a boundary is about to be crossed, that sharing thatboundary is a huge gift to yourself, your partner and the relationship and offer it joyfully. For example, you might say, “I feel much closer to you when I only have sex with you when I feel like it. Tonight, I’m not feeling like it because I need to be well-rested in the morning” or “I really love talking with you, but I have had a rough day and I really don’t have the bandwidth to listen right now.” While you might experience some amount of distance or hurt from your partner, it is better to allow them to experience this disappointment than to end up shut down and distant. No one can be everything to their partner and relationships must have space for disappointment if they are going to thrive. Stay tuned for our upcoming blog on Surviving Disappointment…

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