Celeste & Danielle Offer Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

If a relationship lasts long enough, it is inevitable that you will eventually experience The Gap – and the gap gets in the way of so much of happiness. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Before we take a look at all the problems the gap causes and what the heck we can do about it, we must first define it.

The gap, friends, is that pesky difference between who you first imagined your partner was and the person who is actually sitting in front of you. The gap happens for sooooooo many reasons. To read more about all of the reasons and how you can help couples, click here.

  1. Romantic Projection – you are told so many stories about what love is supposed to be, that it colors the way that you look at a potential partner. In order for them to meet the romantic fantasy of being a perfect match, you only see the parts of them that fit into that picture, or, if you are quite good at magical thinking, you manage to see those parts even when they aren’t there at all!
  2. Marketing – at the beginning, your partner was putting their best foot forward. Because humans are social creatures who know what people usually want in a partner and a potential partner can also read all the signals you put out about what you like and don’t like, when you met they emphasized the things about themselves that fit into this image. In other words, they tried very hard to be what they thought you wanted them to be so that you would like them. Marketing can include hiding the parts of themselves they think you won’t like, slightly exaggerating traits you seem to like about them, or just straight up lying to win your favor.
  3. Circumstance – whenever, however and wherever you met, the activities you were engaging in or they way you were living your life made you seem like you were more compatible than you really are. For example, you met in school where you had so much in common because…you were both going to school!!! Now, you are out in the real world and it turns out that your interests, or how you like to spend your time, or how often you have energy to have sex have completely changed.

We are sure now that you are thinking about it, you can come up with some of the problems the gap causes. It can cause you to think that you were tricked or that your partner used to love you, but doesn’t love you anymore. It can cause you to go on a partner improvement spree, where you try to get your partner to be all the ways that you thought they were. It can cause you to feel like you made a wrong choice and, if you just keep looking, you will find the person that meets all of these needs.

We’d like to offer a different approach  – we’d like you to Mind the Gap, by which we mean, keep in mind that the Gap will be there in every relationship. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t wholeheartedly enjoy the beginning where everything feels perfect -being so doped up on hormones and projections that your feet don’t touch the ground is one of the funnest parts of the whole adventure. We suggest you enjoy the shit out of it! At the same time, remember that the Gap will show up eventually and, while we wholeheartedly support you allowing yourself to feel all the feelings, and have all the tantrums (for more on how to have a good, connected tantrum with your partner check out our book Making Love Real) you need to have, we also encourage you to not make the Gap mean that your partner doesn’t love you or that you just haven’t found “the one” or that you can get back to how you (never really) were if you just try hard enough.

Yes, we want you to be Mindful of the Gap, to watch the insidious way that the difference between who you thought your partner was and who they actually are can get between the two of you. Instead of twisting it into some horrible tragedy, we want you to learn how to step over it be accepting the person who is actually sitting across from you and experience real love.

When you’ve been with someone for a long time, it can be challenging to transition into sex, especially if you are yourself or happen to have a thorny partner. What is a thorny partner, you ask? Great question! A thorny partner is a partner that is both horny and has some prickly challenges with transitioning or getting in the mood for sex. In other words, a person who has two parts inside them, one that really wants sex (the horny part) and one that kind of avoid or feels averse to sex when it first starts (the thorny part). This can be very challenging because the thorny part makes their partner feel rejected, while the horny part feels rejected that their partner isn’t trying harder.

So, how do you deal with Thorniness in your relationship?

If you are the thorny partner the first step is knowing that it is true for you without any judgment. There are so many reasons why people can be thorny and not feel ready to jump right into sex. You may feel in your head and even annoyed after having been focused on work all day. Or, you may also have been brought up in a very shame-based atmosphere around sex so, before you are aroused, there is an unconscious but strong part of you that thinks sex is yucky or trivial. That’s ok, the great thing is that, once you are aroused, this part generally shuts down or switches over to become part of your arousal.

If You Are the Thorny Partner

It will be really helpful to your partner to tell them about your thorniness, so that they know it is not about them. Then, let them know what kinds of things they should do to help you overcome those feelings. Perhaps you will want to ask them if you can run away and they will chase you or if it is ok with them if you are not particularly responsive when they first make their moves, but they should keep going. Also, if there is some way for you to signal to them that you are feeling thorny but you want them to keep trying, make up a shared signal for this!

If You Are the Partner of a Thorny Person

The first step is to try your hardest not to take it personally. It is not a rejection of you, but a residual product of being in an over-worked, sex-negative society. It is important that you know that just because they are thorny, it doesn’t mean that they want you to give up on them. Let them know that you totally understand that it is hard for them to get in the mood and see if they can articulate to you what words or signals mean that they really want you to stop and what words or signals mean that they want you to keep trying and see if they can get in the mood. As long as you have a shared verbal or non-verbal language around this, you can feel like it is ok to keep trying to see if you can move beyond the thorns to the horns!

We hope that knowing there are thorny folks out there, knowing that you don’t have to be ashamed of it, knowing it can be hard on a partner, and having a team approach to it will help you have a Happy, Horny Halloween!!!

“We are seriously out of practice,” Callie said after plopping down next to her boyfriend Holden. It was a bit of an unusual couple for us since neither of them seemed angry or even that worried about the fact that they hadn’t had sex for the past 2 years. More than anything they were perplexed. Callie added, “In the beginning, our sex was insanely romantic, like every touch and every look and every move was full of meaning and promise.” Holden chimed in, “After a while, that just sort of faded and it didn’t really get replaced with anything.”

“That sounds like some pretty High G sex,” I said laughing.

“Hi G?” Holden queried.

“Yes, it seems to me that the two of you started out with some really high gravity sex, sex where each of you took yourselves and each other extremely seriously. Maybe it’s time for a little bit of Low G Sex, something more playful and less consequential.”

The great thing about Callie and Holden was that they had already come to terms with the fact that sex was going to be different in a long-term relationship. Many couples who are having trouble in their sexual relationship hold so tightly to the early experiences, they never get to find a new rhythm with each other. While we certainly wanted to help Callie and Holden find out how to have the hottest sex they could, we also just wanted to get them back into each other’s orbit again. We wanted to help them re-break the ice.

Low G Sex, sex where you decide that you are just going to get it on without taking it too seriously, can be a great antidote to making sure sex happens in the midst of kids, work, social commitments and all the craziness of everyday life. So, how do you have Low G Sex? First, you need to agree that that’s what you are going to do and that you are both up for it. Callie and Holden loved the idea, and left our office ready to start their next sexual experience with some naked tickling (neither had an aversion) and a pillow fight.

In the next session, they were both red-cheeked as they told their story. “It was ridiculous but it helped so much. We just decided, one way or another, we are going to screw around and get off and it turned out to be a lot easier than we thought. Once we dropped the idea that it had to be the most mind-blowing sex in the world, we both ended up satisfied. Since then we can’t stop laughing about it, we lock eyes and just crack up!”

In addition to pillow fights and tickling, here are some other ways to have Low G sex:

  • Have an Oral Sex Match – see which one of you can last the longest giving the other oral sex. For the man, it is a double challenge because he needs to try to last long as a giver and receiver. The woman just gets to have as many orgasms as she can as the receiver (this is better for couples who won’t take the competitive part of this too seriously).
  • Give Each Other Lap Dances – Make sure you pick your favorite songs and shake and grind your way to Funky Town.
  • Porno Roulette – go to a porn site, each of you think of a sex word, put them together and search away. If you end up with MILF creampie, so be it.
  • Have an Innovative Sex Toy Party – bring out your favorite sex toys (or the ones you’ve never opened) and try to use them in a way their manufacturer did not intend.
  • Play Truth or Dare – and dare your partner to do all the things you want them to do to you. Don’t forget to have them moon the dog or ice their nipples at least once!

Remember in a long-term relationship, if you wait for the perfect time to have perfect sex, you might just wait forever. Letting yourself be silly and more relaxed can keep sex flowing in your lives. Try some Low G sex tonight and blast off…

A few weeks ago we posted an article on Layering for Women – how creating a symphony of all-over body sensations combined with different kinds of pussy stimulation can give women longer, stronger orgasms. Layering is the idea that we can add many different layers of sensation and psychological stimulation to a sexual experience to create higher levels of pleasure and more intense orgasms.

Now it’s time for the guys to have a turn! As we always say, when it comes to men’s orgasms, they can range from plain-old-good to Oh-My-God. If you want to give men the orgasms that the hottest dreams and memories are made of, you will need to practice some layering as well. Layering starts bringing your energy to sex – the men we know and work with often complain that their partners wait passively to be pleased instead of coming after them with desire.

Layer #1 – Visual Stimulation

“Honestly, one of the things that gets me most turned on is just seeing my girlfriend naked. I get turned on when she gets out of bed in the morning to go to the bathroom and I get to watch her ass as she walks away, knowing she’ll be back soon.”

Since many men are visually stimulated, one way to start is to give them something wonderful and sexy to look at. What they might want in this area can vary. Some men will really love it if you dress up in something sexy and do an erotic dance for them. Others will be much more interested and aroused watching you pleasure yourself for a while.

Either way, make sure that what you are doing is not a “show,” but something you feel really engaged in and can enjoy for yourself as well. If you are going to dance, dance for your pleasure, moving your body in ways that feel sexy to you and look at your partner with inviting eyes. If you are going to touch your body, touch for your pleasure, warming yourself up even as you warm up your partner with your sexiness.

Remember, women, if he has chosen you, it is because he thinks YOU ARE SEXY, so embrace the sexiness of your body exactly the way it is!

Layer #2 – Going After Them

“Women rarely make the first move on me, but I think it’s really hot and surprising when they do.”

Once you’ve tempted him with your beautiful body and sexual energy, it’s time to go after him with your desire. Kiss him passionately, and then kiss, lick, and bite his neck – you may need to turn him over so you get to the back of his neck and shoulders. Men generally don’t get very much all-over-body touching, so you can caress his body lightly front and back. If you really want him to feel your desire, make sure that you intersperse some good grabbing of his muscles and ass.

Layer #3 – Talking Dirty

“For me, if there’s no talk during sex, I’m like, ‘What’s the point?’”

Men love to hear all different kinds of dirty talk, and this layer really engages their sexual brain. They want to hear everything from how beautiful their cock is to what fantastic lovers they are. You can tell them dirty stories about a threesome where the two of you pick up a third, or tell them in a sexy way exactly what you want them to do to you. Don’t shy away from explicit language – just about any guys will light up when they hear how wet your pussy is for them.

Layer #4 – Don’t Neglect the Cock

“My wife loves my cock, no matter what else she’s doing, it seems like some part of her body is always touching my cock at the same time.”

While most women love a lot of touch before you go to her pussy, men are often ready for cock touch much sooner. The trick is to gently incorporate the cock without losing track of the rest of the body. You might use one of your hands to stroke his chest or back while using the other hand to begin to gently caress his cock and balls. Unfortunately, most penises get one kind of touch, a grab with an up and down motion, yet the penis can enjoy all kinds of layering.

Layer #5 – Focusing on Cock and Balls

“Balls often get neglected, I mean I know they aren’t pretty, but it’s crazy how intense it feels to have them licked, and I always keep them shaved just hoping she will include them.”

To layer sensation on the penis and balls you can use your tongue, your whole mouth, your fingertips or a combination of all of the above. If you are giving a blowjob, definitely let yourself be creative in the beginning, licking slowly, cupping his balls, stroking his thighs as you tease him. You can also suck his cock while moving your tongue side to side across the shaft. This creates an extra layer of sensation on his frenulum – the area of the penis right below the head of his cock. If you can do that while also gently stroking and playing with his balls, you’re there! For an extra bonus layer, get your finger wet and stroke his asshole. If he doesn’t pull away, try putting your finger inside as you go down on him.

Layer #6 – The Inside and Out of Intercourse

“It’s way hotter for me to hear my partner making sounds or touching me back than if they just lie there.”

Adding layers while he’s inside you can also increase the intensity of his orgasm. Your sexy noises and words, grabbing his ass, or using your nails on his back can all intensify sensation. Also, whether he is inside of your pussy or ass, giving his cock some extra squeezes with your PC or anal muscles might just send his orgasm through the roof. Some men like a finger in their ass when they are inside you as well. You can reach down and play with his balls while he is fucking you or stick your tongue deep inside his mouth.

Guys – we hope you enjoy all of the new layers your sweethearts give you once they read this article!

Love,
Celeste & Danielle

Women’s bodies and their paths to arousal can be complex and it can help so much to have an approach that really works. In thinking about women’s orgasms in particular, we realized that what has given us have our strongest, longest orgasms was Layering – using a combination of sensations and psychological arousal techniques can make all the difference.
Think, for a moment, about the kind of sex scenes you see on TV. Two people kiss a few times, one of them grabs for the other person’s buttons or belt, or a skirt is lifted and in 30 seconds something quickly gets shoved into something else. If it’s hetero, it’s a penis in a vagina, vaginas get filled with fingers if the scene is between two women and, much-less-often, we see the hints of a penis going in a a mouth or ass if it’s two men. This is the opposite of layering, and, if a woman is involved, it’s very unlikely to result in her having an orgasm.

In contrast, we’ve compiled a list of layers that can make women scream and leave them wordless at the end of sex. Just a word of caution, before you start your layering: some layers can be distracting so make sure you communicate during or after to see which of the layers added intensity and find out if any detracted. Also, the most basic and do-not-ever-forget rule is that most women must have clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This means there will eventually need to be some clit licking, rubbing, vibrating or stimulating of some kind or another. Here are some activities you can add to clit stimulation that can make all the difference in how hard your sweetheart comes. Below we have included quotes from clients, coaches, and friends so you can see their love of layering!

1. Don’t Miss the Kiss. “Feeling a tongue in my mouth, licking my lips or feeling my lips bitten is an amazing warm up, but people usually stop kissing me when they are inside me. Some of my most intense orgasms have been in the midst of a kiss. Usually, I have to stop kissing eventually because I’m moaning too loudly.” Kissing is one of the most important warm-ups for some women and taking too little time, skipping kissing or doing it poorly can really ruin the mood. Read our article about kissing where we call it “The Gateway Drug to Sex.” Also, keep up the kissing throughout. You can kiss your partner while stroking her clit, fucking her, or even while she is masturbating.

2. Include Every Inch of Her Body. “The other night, I was on my knees and my partner was fucking me from behind and I had my vibrator on my clit. Just as I came, she started slapping my ass really hard and it was like the slapping made the orgasm spread through my whole body.” To warm up her body for the best orgasms, giver her light touch, grab her with passion and spank her. All of this can continue during the build to orgasm and can increase orgasmic intensity while she is coming. Gently stroking her back and hips or stomach and breasts while she comes can be a great layer of enhancement as well.

3. The Nipple-Clit Connection. “For me, it is all about my nipples. It feels like they have a direct connection to my clit. One of my favorite things is when my partner is sucking on my clit and they pinch my nipples really hard. I’ve sometimes even had orgasms from my nipples alone.” While licking her clit, reach up and stroke or pinch her nipples – make sure you find the right amount of pressure, some nipples are very sensitive and can only take the lightest of touch while others need a much harder squeeze than you might imagine. A little pain can light up the nervous system for a deeper, longer orgasm.

4. Get the Clit. “What can I say, I’m a clit girl, always have been and probably always will be. If my clit isn’t included, you can forget about my orgasm.” Clitoral orgasms are the most common and foundational orgasm that women have. You can help her if you can get the move and rhythm right with your fingers, tongue or pelvic bone, but you also might want to let her touch her clit while you enhance the experience with other layers! From now on we want you to think of the clit as the most essential ingredient orgasms. Never underestimate the clit – if you are ready to move towards orgasm, no matter what layers you add, you will almost always want to have clit stimulation be one layer unless your partner tells you otherwise.
Pro-tip – An inordinate number of men give the clit too much direct pressure too fast! Start with very light stroking or licking the clit. If you are licking, start out licking as if it were an ice cream cone, include the lips, clit, everything and don’t give hard, direct pressure right away. If you are using your hands, start light, get a lot of surface area, make sure the clit or your fingers are wet, and use the hood to bring friction instead of directly touching it with your fingers!!!

5. Vibrators. “I always take my vibrator to bed.” Vibrators are an amazing tool for layering, this way the woman can be “driving” the clit touch herself and your mouth, hands, and cock or strap-on are free to bring in the other layers. Even all by themselves, without any other layers, vibrators can greatly enhance and prolong a woman’s orgasm as well as making multiple orgasms more likely. BTW, some women can only come by using a vibrator and there is nothing wrong with this!!!

6. G-Spot. “My G-Spot didn’t come into play in my sex life until I was in my mid-thirties. I had this partner who had done a bunch of reading and he wanted to practice all he had learned. We practiced and practiced and practiced!!! It completely changed my sexual desires. I think my favorite now is having him go down on me while he teases my G-Spot and then slowly goes harder and harder. This gives me enough time to really feel the building of my arousal and desire. Sometimes he squeezes and pinches my ass at the same time, then I really go crazy.” The G-Spot is one of our favorite layering tools. Because the G-Spot and clit send sensations across different parts of our nervous system, the combination orgasm that comes from simultaneous G-Spot and clit stimulation can be much more intense. Sometimes, G-Spot touch can desensitize the clit a bit, so you may need stronger stimulation, such as a vibrator or fast-moving fingers, to get the full explosion. If your partner has never connected with her G-Spot, we can teach you how to help her do that!

7. Words and Shared Fantasies. “One time my partner, who is usually really quiet, was kissing my face and neck and stroking my body and suddenly they just started telling me how they were taking control of my body and how I had no choice but to feel all the pleasure. That they were just going to keep touching and playing with me however they wanted to and there was nothing I could do, I just had to let it all happen. It was next-level, that’s for sure. I had to hold back from touching myself right away. Instead, I felt my arousal building higher and higher and the feeling of being powerless was so exciting, I had to wait until they were ready to touch me, I came about 30 seconds after the clit touch started!” We cannot emphasize enough how much adding some more psychological arousal can help bring women harder, deeper orgasms. Everything from telling your partner how hot she is to saying her name or whispering her favorite fantasy in her ear can be huge orgasm enhancers.

8. Cervix. “I really like deep penetration, and I can feel my orgasm emanating from my cervix, but it doesn’t happen unless I have good, strong vibrations on my clit at the same time. My lover can use their fingers or toys, just needs to be really deep and hard, and then my orgasm can go on and on, sometimes I can even roll into a second orgasm without any break.” While some women have very sensitive cervices (yes, that is the plural of cervix!) that cannot take a lot of pressure, other women enjoy the cervix as another wonderful layer of sensation. You can try using your fingers, or a toy if your fingers aren’t long enough. Try direct pressure or pressure to the “gutters” around the cervix, which affects the cervix by moving it, but may have less of a chance to cause discomfort or cramping.

9. Anal Play. “Sometimes I feel like there is this direct connection between my asshole and my clit. My partner will be licking me and then she starts playing with my ass, just on the outside even, and it brings my clit sensitivity way up. It was really surprising the first time, and I thought I would never want anything touching, and definitely not in, my ass. That certainly isn’t the case anymore. I love it when my partner puts her finger inside me or a butt-plug when I’m touching myself. The best is when she is also sucking on my nipple at the same time. I kind of melt into a puddle after that.” Many folks are wary of anal play and don’t even give some gentle stroking a chance, yet all of the nerve endings, as well as the powerful feeling of anal penetration, can really pack an orgasmic punch!

Just sitting here and writing this and thinking about partners who intuitively knew about layering makes us shiver! Women, don’t waste any time, forward this to your partner right away! Point out the parts that you like best and give any extra detail your partner might need, like the order you want them to go in for the perfect build or which ones you like to have all at the same time! Also, make sure to let them know if there is anything you like on your body that we have left out.

Here’s an example: Hi Sweetheart – Just wanted to forward you this list from Celeste and Danielle. For me, it would be best if you’d start with #1, while giving me #2 all over (only light spanking please). Once we’ve done all of that for no less than 15 minutes (can be more!), I’d love for you to use your teeth for number #3 while you *very lightly* stroke my pussy lips and clit with your fingertips. Don’t be shy, I can take a lot of pressure on my nipples, and I’ll tell you if you hit my edge (oh, please, please, hit my edge!)…

We’ll leave the rest to you!!!
Love,
Celeste & Danielle

Elena is a Somatica practitioner with her own thriving practice in San Francisco and the South Bay. She is also a group leader in the Somatica Core Training as well as an amazing friend, colleague, partner, and mom. We are so excited to host her guest blog

Last year I watched the Showtime series “Masters of Sex,” the fictionalized story of the real life Virginia Johnson and William Masters. I knew of them, of course, but I didn’t know a lot about them so as I made my way through the series, I also researched who they were and what the wide world of the internet had to say. I came across a blog post that characterized the relationship of Masters and Johnson as “ultimately failed” because, after 20 years of marriage, they divorced. I found it appalling that a twenty year relationship, not to mention a culture-shifting collaboration, could be described as failed because at some point they decided to separate.

On the one hand, I wasn’t surprised at all. The prevailing wisdom about long term relationships equates longevity with success. Not just longevity but longevity of a particular form or arrangement of relationship, most often monogamous, cohabiting, and married. On the other hand, I was separating from my partner of 15 years and I was furious at the thought that our relationship could in any way be construed as a failure.

I met my… what to call him? Ex. Ugh. Former partner? No, we are still partners. Baby daddy? Seriously?

I met this person, one of my soul mates, when he and I were both 29. I had moved from the Bay Area to New Mexico a few years prior and he was from the South – an unlikely match. We began an affair after I had a bad breakup. He was in a non-monogamous relationship (as he pointedly informed me one night at a party). For a year we had hot, amazing, open, adventurous sex and pined after each other on the daily. I loved it (see my blog-post In Search of My Movie).

At the end of that year, and some all-too-human and messy life events, the multiple relationship configurations exploded and when the pieces reformed, he and I were living together. Monogamously.

Two years later, we started trying to have a baby. Two and a half years after that, we finally did have our son. Thus continued a decade of life and relationship challenges I could not have foreseen. To list them would get off topic but it was a heavy time. Eventually we sought out the help of a gifted therapist because we knew our relationship could be better and we wanted it to be. I also found Somatica. Between the gifted therapist and the life-altering experience of the Somatica training, we started to wake up. We healed and repaired some of our deepest wounds – some of which we had inflicted on each other and some of which pre-dated our presence in each other’s lives. We got legally married and we opened our relationship again. We worked our way to a state of awareness from which we were able to see one another, and what we each wanted, clearly. Without blame or recrimination we decided to stop living together, stop forcing ourselves to be lovers, and to embrace the profoundly deep knowing and love we have for each other as friends, as co-parents, and as soul mates. We made room for change so our relationship could shift instead of break.

I had friends say, “Oh, that open relationship thing isn’t working out so well.” I found it fascinating that opening our relationship was blamed (as though the shift was a failure) and that no one ever said, “Wow, living all those years with the confining, restrictive, unrealistic expectations of traditional marriage really took it’s toll, huh?”. The truth of our experience was that we opened our relationship out of a sense of safety with and love for each other. We weren’t meeting all of each other’s needs and wanted those needs met regardless of whether or not we were the one to fulfill them for the other. I don’t advocate for open relationships or monogamy, but I do believe they should both be on the menu as equally valid choices so that people can make a conscious decision to do what works for them. What I want to share in this post is that people change, and we can shift instead of break if we allow our relationships to change with us. Riding the roller coaster with awareness, flexibility, and resilience is the way to have successful relationships, not deciding on a shape and form and rigidly holding to that at the cost of passion, joy, fulfillment, and ultimately even connection.

If the author of the aforementioned blog, and most of society, were to look at the 15 years of relationship we’ve had so far, they would pronounce our relationship a failure because we are no longer married and living together. Far from a failure, this is the most successful relationship of my life to date. We didn’t break up, or in fact break anything – we shifted a connection that remains vibrant and vital to both of us.

In case you didn’t know, there is something we should all be celebrating as soon as possible and that is the beautiful practice of self-pleasure. Yes- May is Masturbation Month (or Maysturbation month as one of our brilliant Facebook followers suggested) and we could not be more excited to revisit this essential act with you all (and with ourselves, of course). For most of us, maturbation was our first sexual experience but instead of giving our relationship with ourselves the time and attention this first love deserves, we often think of it as a functional quick-fix. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but why not see how much pleasure and fun could be had if we gave masturbation a little more love? We have a few ideas of how you can bring some of that spring fever energy back to yourself, which will likely inspire you to spread the love.

1. Take your time
When was the last time you actually set aside some time to do yourself proper? Make a date with yourself that involves a bit of lead up, some extra attention, and maybe a delicious nap afterwards. You may surprise yourself with your own potential for self-induced pleasure when you actually dedicate a solid window of time.

2. Mix it up
Most people have a go-to way that they masturbate. This might involve a trusty vibrator, a favorite porn, a certain position. Often these are habits of efficiency and, although tired and true, this month we challenge you to change them up a bit. It may take a little longer but it will be worth it, we promise.

3. Try it with a buddy
We are huge fans of mutual masturbation. Not only is it super hot to watch, or have specific tasks as a helper (nipple sucking is a solid go to) but watching your partner pleasure themselves can be very informative and can give you all sorts of great ideas for how to please your partner. Also, if you are into role-playing there are many fun ways to create scenarios where you are only “allowed” to touch yourselves.

4. A change of scenery?
Without risking arrest, think of a new location that might add a bit of variation to your routine. Maybe you usually touch yourself on that chair in front of your computer, in the shower, or in bed. Isn’t it time to try the couch, the secluded back porch, or in front of your partner on their work-at-home desk?

5. Buy a new toy
Treat yourself! Afterall, much-beloved sex toy supplier Good Vibrations is the original masterminds (get it, master?) behind Masturbation Month so why not show them, or any other fav local sex shop some love this month and get yourself the gift that keeps on giving. If it has been a while, you will be delighted to see how technology keeps advancing in the sexual pleasure field, from usb charging to remote vibe necklaces the future is at your fingertips, and in your pants.

Most of all, this month is a great time to remember that we all have the capacity to experience amazing amounts of pleasure on our own. We are whole sexual beings and we all deserve to dedicate some time to this part of our lives. It is so silly and shame-based that words about masturbation are used as insults. This Month, and every other one, let’s all commit to being proud wankers, jack-offs, baters, bean-flickers, or pearl-polishers.