Frequently Asked Questions

How is what you do different from other types of sex therapy?

Traditional sex therapy often focuses on sexuality from a medical or dysfunction-based viewpoint. Sex therapy usually ends when things are "OK" and never shoots for "great," "mind-blowing" or "out-of-this-world" sex. Often, problem-resolution takes a long time and rarely goes into enhancement or expansion around sexuality. Like some traditional sex therapists, we are highly educated and trained sexologists so we can provide you with all of the research-based information that a sex therapist can provide. We also go beyond information to experiential and hands-on education, which results in much quicker transformation and embodied learning. Traditional sex therapists are not able to do body-based evaluation and teaching, which means they often lack opportunities to directly see and intervene where there are problems or directly help people learn about how to expand pleasure. Learning new behaviors through the body helps you quickly integrate them into your day to day life and embody the transformation in a very effective and lasting way.

Do you teach Tantra?

Tantra is a three-phased spiritual path that takes years to master. In the West, most Tantra teachers and workshops do not teach the full path, instead, they teach a small segment that focuses on sexuality, massage, and breathing. While we incorporate some Tantric ideas and methods into our teachings, such as experiencing the world through all of your senses, we do not believe that any kind of sexual expression is the best and don't insist that you adopt a new language or complicated types of breathing. Instead, we invite you to celebrate your sexuality as an expression of your personal freedom. We will support you in exploring your sexuality the way that you want to without judgment, and we will encourage you to find your own places of comfort, joy and expansion.

You say that you are sex and intimacy coaches, how is that different from other coaches?

There are many people out there calling themselves life coaches and some of them are quite good, especially if you already have a good idea of what you want to do. Unfortunately, most people begin pursuing a path before really getting in touch with their deepest and most important desires. Our coaching begins by helping you tap into these desires, desires that may have been ridiculed or that you may have denied yourself in the past. Because we begin with desire and pleasure instead of jumping right into goals, our coaching will help you experience the most pleasurable life you can, and help you expand your ideas of what is possible for you. Additionally, very few coaches are trained to deal with sexuality, while our coaching can support you in transformation in every aspect of your life, from personal to professional.

There are a lot of different sexuality workshops out there, why should I take yours?

The Bay Area is a full of sexuality-related workshops, however, most teachers do not have a degree and have never studied sexuality. Unfortunately, this often results in teaching medically incorrect or contradictory information, such as incorrectly defining orgasm. Because we have studied sexuality from both academic and an experiential perspectives, we base all of our teachings on research, while at the same time offering hands-on, experiential learning opportunities. Additionally, while other teachers may expect you to conform your sexual behaviors and desires to their belief system, with little respect for individual choice or freedom, in our coaching and workshops we emphasize the importance of boundaries, comfort and personal choice, while you explore new and exciting experiences.

Can't I just go out and buy my partner a new toy or rent a movie to make our sex life more exciting again?

Bringing in a new sex toy can be great fun, however, the process of choosing the right toy can be filled with a lot of trial and error, mostly because people don't have a lot of information about how their bodies and orgasms work and which toys would be best for them. In our workshops and individual coaching we teach men and women all about their bodies, help them discover what kinds of orgasms are possible for them and how to choose, embrace and effectively use sex toys. As for bringing in new experiences like porn or other kinds of experimental enhancements, sometimes negotiating these new experiences can be difficult and filled with misunderstanding. One partner may get their feelings hurt, thinking that they are not enough. We help you talk openly and honestly about your desires, negotiate desires and boundaries and embrace experimentation, so that you can talk about what you REALLY want without shame or guilt. We have seen couple's sex lives explode with new passions and behaviors after only a few coaching sessions.

I noticed that you teach a course for men on how to become an extraordinary lover. Can't I just get a book that will teach me that?

While there are an extensive number of books written on sexual technique and some of them are very good, becoming an extraordinary lover to women is about so much more than technique. In our workshops we teach you the 7 qualities that you need to be an extraordinary lover, and, more importantly, you get to practice all of these qualities and get personal, real-time feedback about how you come across to women. Unlike even a good book on technique, we give you an opportunity to practice, to get feedback and to learn how to apply new sexual techniques differently with different women by reading their non-verbal cues and learning how to elicit feedback. This is the quickest way to advance in your lovemaking skills. Instead of spending years in trial and error, you can spend a single day and come out an extraordinary lover. (Link to testimonials).

Are you Sexological Bodyworkers?

We are Certified Sexological Bodyworkers, and also Professors who train new Sexological Bodyworkers at the Institute for Advanced Study of Sexuality. The certificate means that the Institute is approved by the State of California to offer training in the body-based work we use with our clients. We also differ from other Sexological Bodyworkers in that we use many other therapeutic approaches including talk therapy, a combination of traditional and somatic sex therapy approaches, role-play, real-time experience and feedback and many other talk, experiential and body-based methods to help you experience the most transformation in the shortest period of time.

I am very health conscious: I eat healthy, practice yoga and meditation, and use alternative healing approaches such as acupuncture, and herbs. I am very much in my body. What does your coaching offer someone like me?

We also believe in the power of alternative approaches to health, particularly in their focus on holistic solutions that take account of every part of your being. Practices such as yoga and meditation can deeply enhance your life, yet they may never touch on your sexual or erotic life. Thus, we work in conjunction with your practices to support you in expanding sexual and sensual pleasure in your daily lives. We teach you how to experience more joy and comfort in your body and learn to fully give, receive, and relax into pleasure because we know that nurturing your life force is the best preventative medicine there is!

My doctor told me that in order to get hard I would need to use a drug. Can your coaching help me experience this without medical intervention?

While it is true that some types of sexual difficulties can be rooted in physiological problems such as hormonal imbalances or limited blood flow, many of them also have a mental component or can be overcome through getting more in touch with the body. Medical doctors will often jump immediately to prescription drugs because they are not aware of alternative approaches. Often erectile problems can be overcome by lowering anxiety, tuning into sensation and releasing shame and other emotional blocks. We have had a great deal of success helping clients to get and maintain erections without medication.

Why don't I just take a vacation with my partner, won't that bring the spark back?

While a vacation may temporarily bring back the spark, this is often a short-term fix instead of a long-term solution. If you want a deeply fulfilling, satisfying and long-lasting sexual connection with your partner, you will need to learn how to bring passion back into your day to day life so that everyday can be full of sensuality and desire. In our couple's coaching and our Passionate Vacations (link) for couples, we teach you how to weave passion, connection, intimacy and excitement into your life and to keep the spark alive whether you have just started a relationship or have been together for 20 years.