Celeste and Danielle, Creators of the Somatica Method of Sex Therapy and Relationship Coaching

The Myths and Facts Behind Women’s Sexual Peak

Women reach their sexual peak at age 35. Men reach theirs at 18. Do you get the feeling that God is into practical jokes? We reach our sexual peak just as they’re coming to realize they have a favorite chair?”Comedienne Rita Rudner

We love Rita and her wonderful commentary on the confusing belief about women’s sexual peak, and we want to unravel some misconceptions about a woman’s sexual peak vs. her physiological peak to help you understand your own sexual maturation.

Women reach their hormonal sexual peak during their teens (puberty), just the same way that boys do. As we grow older, especially in our late 30s, our hormonal levels decrease, decreasing our physiological sexual drive. This means as we age, our bodies desire sex less. (With spikes in desire around ovulation and menstruation until menopause.) After menopause, our bodies want sex less overall and we lose the spikes.  Thus, our physiological sexual peak happens in our teens – so why do we say women reach their sexual peak at 35? It has nothing to do with hormones and everything to do with the society we live in.

Although we may be in our hormonal peak just after puberty, girls are warned of the dangers of sex: pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and being seen as a slut. We then distance from our sexuality. Eventually women begin to figure out what they want sexually and begin to be much more direct in asking for it. (This usually happens from running across a lover who is attentive, attuned and skilled, or from reading about sexual pleasure, learning from friends or learning through self-pleasuring.) This learning leads to what has been commonly known as our “sexual peak.” Sex feels better and we generally learn how to orgasm more consistently or even how to have multiple orgasms. Often, a woman’s G-Spot is awakened in their 30s and they have the ability to have G-Spot or combination orgasms.

The earlier you begin learning about and expanding your own sexual responsiveness the more your hormones support this learning. Beginning sooner rather than later gives you the opportunity to embody your highest sexual potential. And remember, it is never too late! If you want to find out what is on the menu for you sexually so you can expand your responsiveness, your desire for sex and find out more about what’s in it for you come see us for some coaching! You can also gain a lot of information about yourself from reading the second half of Cockfidence (and more information about men by reading the first half) and your partner can become more sensitive and attuned by attending Cockfidence: The Workshop. Our dream for you is that you know what you want, know how to ask for it and get it in every area of your life from relationship to work, from sex to friendships and in everything else – we are here to help. Call us any time if you have any questions. We answer our phones and would love to talk!

Comments ( 10 )

        • Linda Goss says:

          Awesome, but it would be better if in future you can share more about this topic. Keep rocking.

        • Celeste & Danielle says:

          @Linda: definitely more on women’s sexuality coming up!
          Stay tuned and thanks for reading.

        • E. Keith Owens says:

          Whereas men typically hit their peak sexual years between 17-21 I am a 25 year old men that senses his body changing once again to hit my sexual peak. And does that mean I am too sexually inexperienced for a woman my age? the median 25 year old American woman has had roughly 35 sexual partners by this point …..View related questions ….

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        • Matthew Stick says:

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        • Hailey says:

          These answers are not at all helpful to me, here is my situation Ive been married since I was 16, I am now 32, the first few months of course was great, then it seemed like I could not even “get wet” had to use lubes which I am NOT a fan of at all, Im not the type to put chemicals on or in me!!! About 3 yrs ago I began to “get wet” for no reason at all, seriously at the office, at the grocery store, and many times a day!!!!! My issue is that my spouse is way too comfortable and he seems to be the “wife with a headache” Ive always liked sex and Im very into it, I have tons of lingerie ect… well Im wondering if this feeling will last a long time or if I only have a few short yrs to enjoy this and I need to tell my hubby to “Buck Up” before someone else does! The feeling is INTENSE!!! How long does this feeling last?????

        • danielle says:

          Often women start to move past some of the negative messages that they have experienced and have a sexual awakening in their 30s and 40s. Some women take advantage of this and develop deeper relationship with their sexuality. Others let it pass. We suggest you use this time to learn more about yourself and about your body and it is definitely time to talk with your husband about this. Tell him about your sexual needs and desires so that you can take advantage of this time. If he is not interested, you may need to seek some professional support to work through these differences so that they don’t turn into long-term resentments.

        • gina says:

          I am 46 almost 47 and cant get enough of sex from my husband of 22 years we average about 3 to five times a week… Gets better each time.

        • Paul says:

          II’m 39 and have always had a real strong sex drive. Few women have been able to keep up with me over the years. I divorced 3 years ago from a 10 year marriage and currently have a beautiful 26 year old partner with a strong drive but even she is starting to slow down. I’m just as concerned about her orgasms as my own and I give her many but still she’s fading. Is my drive excessive? I’m content with once daily but prefer about 5.

        • Celeste and Danielle says:

          What a beautifully strong sex drive you have – first of all we simply want to celebrate your desire and let you know that there is no such thing as excessive desire! Some folks do use sex as their only way to unwind or feel emotionally connected, so you may want to check in with yourself and see if there is something that you are getting from sex that you might be able to get in other ways as well. This way you can get some of the need met sexually but some of the need met through other activities – from cuddling to taking relaxing vacations. The truth is that it is unlikely that you will find a single partner who wants to have sex 5 times a day, even once a day is above average for couples, especially in long-term relationships. It is very common that two people in a couple have different levels of desire and, if one is over-compromising, you might build resentment. It is important to be honest and empathetic about the difference and it is also important that she not have sex out of obligation – nothing makes a sex drive plummet faster than obligation sex. Some couples who have very different levels of desire support the higher desire partner in getting their needs met elsewhere – through masturbation (with or without porn) or non-monogamy. We are always here to help if you want support in talking through any of this whether with yourself or your partner! xo, Celeste & Danielle

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