Celeste & Danielle Offer Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

“We are seriously out of practice,” Callie said after plopping down next to her boyfriend Holden. It was a bit of an unusual couple for us since neither of them seemed angry or even that worried about the fact that they hadn’t had sex for the past 2 years. More than anything they were perplexed. Callie added, “In the beginning, our sex was insanely romantic, like every touch and every look and every move was full of meaning and promise.” Holden chimed in, “After a while, that just sort of faded and it didn’t really get replaced with anything.”

“That sounds like some pretty High G sex,” I said laughing.

“Hi G?” Holden queried.

“Yes, it seems to me that the two of you started out with some really high gravity sex, sex where each of you took yourselves and each other extremely seriously. Maybe it’s time for a little bit of Low G Sex, something more playful and less consequential.”

The great thing about Callie and Holden was that they had already come to terms with the fact that sex was going to be different in a long-term relationship. Many couples who are having trouble in their sexual relationship hold so tightly to the early experiences, they never get to find a new rhythm with each other. While we certainly wanted to help Callie and Holden find out how to have the hottest sex they could, we also just wanted to get them back into each other’s orbit again. We wanted to help them re-break the ice.

Low G Sex, sex where you decide that you are just going to get it on without taking it too seriously, can be a great antidote to making sure sex happens in the midst of kids, work, social commitments and all the craziness of everyday life. So, how do you have Low G Sex? First, you need to agree that that’s what you are going to do and that you are both up for it. Callie and Holden loved the idea, and left our office ready to start their next sexual experience with some naked tickling (neither had an aversion) and a pillow fight.

In the next session, they were both red-cheeked as they told their story. “It was ridiculous but it helped so much. We just decided, one way or another, we are going to screw around and get off and it turned out to be a lot easier than we thought. Once we dropped the idea that it had to be the most mind-blowing sex in the world, we both ended up satisfied. Since then we can’t stop laughing about it, we lock eyes and just crack up!”

In addition to pillow fights and tickling, here are some other ways to have Low G sex:

  • Have an Oral Sex Match – see which one of you can last the longest giving the other oral sex. For the man, it is a double challenge because he needs to try to last long as a giver and receiver. The woman just gets to have as many orgasms as she can as the receiver (this is better for couples who won’t take the competitive part of this too seriously).
  • Give Each Other Lap Dances – Make sure you pick your favorite songs and shake and grind your way to Funky Town.
  • Porno Roulette – go to a porn site, each of you think of a sex word, put them together and search away. If you end up with MILF creampie, so be it.
  • Have an Innovative Sex Toy Party – bring out your favorite sex toys (or the ones you’ve never opened) and try to use them in a way their manufacturer did not intend.
  • Play Truth or Dare – and dare your partner to do all the things you want them to do to you. Don’t forget to have them moon the dog or ice their nipples at least once!

Remember in a long-term relationship, if you wait for the perfect time to have perfect sex, you might just wait forever. Letting yourself be silly and more relaxed can keep sex flowing in your lives. Try some Low G sex tonight and blast off…

Whether you are single or in a relationship, having a flirtatious approach to life makes your world a better place. In preparation for Valentine’s Day, we invite you to build and flex your flirting muscles. Imagine yourself taking your sweetheart out to a Valentine’s day date and having a whole array of tools to flirt with each other and build sexy erotic tension that makes you unable to take your hands off of each other.

If you are single having a flirtatious approach means that everywhere you go, you can smile with a twinkle in your eye, wink when you make your coffee order, or let your sexy laugh out when you order your salmon at the grocery store.

If you are in a relationship, here’s some flirts you might try:

Morning wake-up flirt – Wait til you see your partner stirring and then look at them with desire or invitation when they first wake up. Maybe you have a sensual look or a naughty look in your eyes. Tell them how beautiful they looked while they were sleeping.

Early evening flasher flirt – Maybe you are both sitting in the living room with your computers or watching a show and then slowly you turn to them and unbutton your shirt while giving them a coy smile. Flash them your breasts or chest or, if you know they are a fan of your butt, give them a peak of that instead.

Please, will you…asking flirt – Being in a relationship sometimes means asking your partner to help you with tasks. This can be so much more fun if done with a flirt. Maybe it goes like this: “Baby? (bat your eyelashes), do you think you could…(smile, glide your fingers gently down their hip) pick up the dry cleaning today?

We hope these few examples will inspire you to make flirting a regular part of your day!

We are about to share with you some of our most advanced flirting techniques – flirting tools that will help you date, mate, and experience more overall success but first…

Imagine you are on your way to work…you look over and notice someone is looking at you with a sexy, penetrating gaze. You begin to feel goosebumps on your skin and heat is flushing through you. You are excited and a bit uncomfortable – “To look or not to look?” Then the person is gone and you’re walking through the next minutes or hours of your life full of energy and aliveness! You too can make people feel this way and receive and reciprocate it when it comes from someone you find intriguing or from the love of your life.

“I don’t know how to flirt.”

We can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard people tell us that they have no idea how to flirt. Our conclusion? Most people don’t know what flirting really is! Men think they are supposed to have a set of pithy one-liners to keep women laughing, while women feel like they need to learn how to properly toss their hair and bat their eyelashes. In reality, flirting is so much more profound. Flirting is the way that you project your erotic, emotional depth and availability to a new person or to your partner.

“I don’t want to be creepy”
“I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep”

We hear all sorts of reasons why people hold themselves back from experiencing one of the more delightful, life-affirming, inspirational, and energizing experiences they can have, and we want to reassure you. Sharing playful, fun exchanges with people doesn’t mean that you’ve promised them anything – you can be a flirt with fantastic boundaries! As we talked about in our our Biggest Flirting Mistakes Article, flirting isn’t what makes you creepy – trying to hide your desires and having them leak out all over the place (instead of learning how to embrace and share them) is how people come across as creepy.

Now that you’ve gotten past the roadblocks that hold you back from flirting and begun to give yourself permission, here are our secrets to being a successful flirt:

#1 Start from the Inside Out

Flirting is all about being in touch with your own erotic energy. It doesn’t matter what you say or do or how you dress, if you are not turned on in your own body, people will not be turned on by you. Sure, they might think, “S/he is really attractive”, and they might want a second date or even want to sleep with you, but they will be using their head to make the decision instead of feeling you with their body. Before you go out into the world to flirt/date, or before you meet up with your long-term partner, take some time to get in touch with your erotic energy. Whether this means slow, deep breaths all the way down with some PC squeezes or taking a nice, hot bath and caressing your own body, do something that will get you more embodied and aroused as a way to prepare for flirting.

#2 Create a Flirt Circuit

You got yourself all warmed up and now you are face-to-face with a flirtmate. Whether you are going to flirt for a few seconds with someone by catching their eye or spend hours in a flirt, in addition to feeling the erotic energy in your own body, tune into your flirtmate and begin to see what it is about them that you enjoy. It may be that tendril of hair curling across their forehead or the deepness of their voice or it may be something that you’ve adored about them for your entire relationship. Take your time and allow whatever it is you appreciate about them to gently stoke your already-glowing fire. When people feel your enjoyment of them, it often directs them to connect with their own erotic energy, their enjoyment of themselves, and you. This is what creates a flirting circuit between you.

#3 Build Anticipation

Just because you are warm, doesn’t mean you need to hurry. Flirting is so fun because it puts you in a state of playful anticipation, which is something that is often lost in long-term relationships. The energy between the two of you may lead to something right now or it may not. The uncertainty and build-up is a big part of what is so exciting about it. In order to create a sense of anticipation, you need to be in touch with your erotic energy and, very importantly, be in charge of your erotic energy. You may be talking about the most innocuous of topics, but take an extra moment to catch your flirtmate’s eye or breathe just a bit deeper. Savor the connection and intensity building in your body. You may not be touching at all, yet, in your mind, imagine what their lips taste like as you bite your own. Playing with the subtleties of energy, connection, and contact is what separates the novice from the master flirt.

Now that you know the secrets, it’s time to practice! Join us on October 1st for our playful day-long workshop, Flirting Your Way to Success. Learn how to flirt with us, with each other, and with life. We’d love to see you there!

Another installment in our guest blogging series, we are delighted to share Pam‘s blog. Pam is a Somatica Practitioner and the author of the deeply profound and personal blog Down to There.

What I Learned about my Relationship with a Third Set of Eyes

Here’s the thing. My husband notices certain traits about himself and how he is in our relationship, and I see another set of qualities in myself and how I am in our relationship. But when we started seeing a sex and relationship coach, a whole new set of observations suddenly entered into the equation… and that changed everything.

A few years ago, after nearly two decades of mismatched libidos, my husband and I sought help to save our relationship from what felt like a frustrating stalemate.

Right away, Danielle began to point out things that we were not seeing. For example, when I reached out to touch him, she noticed I was trying to figure out what he liked. Without her birds-eye view of the interaction, we would have stayed the course with him enjoying being touched, and me thinking I was happy because I was giving him what he needed. But she asked me to try something different. She asked me to touch him in a way that was pleasurable for me without any conscious concern of whether it was pleasurable for him. I was surprised how completely different and more intimate the experience became for both of us.

It’s funny how hard it is to see things objectively when we are so in it. You’d think that by being so close to a situation that you’d be the expert, the one who really understands the best what is going on. However, it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes we need a third set of eyes on the problem.

This played out again more recently when my husband was expressing that he’d like to take more control in our sexual interactions. Following my lead had been successful to supercharge my libido for some time, but he felt like he had lost control in his sex like and desired to take charge, at least some of the time.

As luck would have it, I was also interested in my husband taking more control. But whenever he tried to lead, it never ended well. Our actions and reactions kept triggering each other and the encounter always ended up falling apart with one of us being angry and the other being hurt.

So Danielle suggested trying something in her office. She had him stalk me and then pin me up against the wall to see where we were getting stuck. As usual, what initially felt to me like “Oh yeah, this is what I’m talking about!” quickly and strangely shifted into a weird space where he stopped bringing it and it stopped feeling good to me.

We both turned our heads towards Danielle and said “See?” And in the beautiful way that she does, she said “This is a problem of immersion.” What she noticed that we hadn’t was that both of us were in our heads, not our bodies. We were carefully watching each other for signs that it wasn’t going well, and in the process, became completely disconnected from the pleasure we could have been feeling. It’s a problem that has a lot of solutions and one that we are now having much more fun trying to solve.

My experience as a client is that adding in a third set of eyes when you feel stuck, misunderstood, or confused in your relationship can provide the “aha moment” that you both need to see things from a new perspective. I’ve become so enthralled with these “aha moments” that I took the Somatica® Core Professional Training last year. Since then, I’ve started my own practice helping individuals and couples explore what is possible emotionally and erotically in their relationship and am taking the training again this year to continue the journey.