Men who endure erectile dysfunction often suffer from a sexual impulse control problem – not too little control, but TOO MUCH. While sexual desire is one of the most natural forces on the planet, many men are taught early on in their lives that this desire is wrong, bad, and harmful to women. Unfortunately, these kinds of messages about sex leave the “good guys” of the world – those who want to please women – in a state of frozen sexual impulses. But you can get to the bottom of your erectile dysfunction causes and unfreeze your impulses – and we’re here to teach you how.
4 Steps To Optimal Sexual Impulse Control
Step 1: Pay attention to your own sexual impulses and desires
Without any judgment as to what those desires are, notice the natural impulses your body wants to follow. Take some time to consciously observe and enjoy the aliveness in your body.
Step 2: Listen for the automatic messages
Notice what kinds of messages you give yourself when you are having sexual impulses. Are you immediately questioning whether your partner wants your advances? Do you fear rejection or hurting someone by suggesting to try something new or different? Does it feel like you wait for permission for every escalation?
Step 3: Create conscious messages
Try out your own version of any of the following messages:
- It is perfectly normal to have sexual desires.
- If my partner has chosen to be in a sexual relationship with me, it is very likely that she wants to feel my desire for her. (Research has shown that being desired is at the top of the list of what turns women on).
- Just because my partner doesn’t want something I want, or doesn’t want sex right now, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want me or never wants sex.
Step 4: Honor and follow your impulses
When you feel sexual desire or arousal, see if you can shorten the time between feeling the impulse and following it. Let your body do the thinking for you (yes, we are telling you to listen to your little brain), and seduce your partner instead of asking for permission. Follow her cues and stay at the edge of her boundaries without backing off at every slight sign of rejection. She may just be checking in with herself to see if she is feeling aroused as well. If she really isn’t interested, let her tell you directly.
The Road to Controlling Erectile Dysfunction
There is nothing more anxiety-inducing than stopping your natural desires over and over and over again. And especially in the face of a competing internal pressure to perform and please. In our sex coaching work with men, we help you to unfreeze these impulses and practice following your body’s own desires. The goal is to achieve maximum pleasure while staying connected to both your own and your partner’s body and desires.
As the sexual impulses begin to free up and you stop hesitating at every turn, your erections will become more reliable and lasting. You will feel the flow of your own desire in concert with your partner’s and share a circuit of pleasure that can build to new heights of intensity and satisfaction.
More Erectile Dysfunction Help
If you want to read more about how to control your erectile dysfunction, we have created a short series of articles, explaining each of the causes of erectile dysfunction and how to deal with them.
- Read about how you can fix erectile dysfunction by overcoming performance anxiety.
- Learn about how your little brain can sometimes be smarter than you and how to start listening and taking seriously what it says!
- Peruse our bevvy of informative articles on the subject of erectile dysfunction to help guide and enlighten you.
Or, if you want to get all of the information we have on psychological ED in one place, download and listen to our Erectile Dysfunction Help Audio Class.
We also want you to know that we are very accessible, supportive and will talk openly with you to answer all of your questions. To give you the support you need, we are happy to take the time to chat with you and find you the right sex therapy practitioner so you can have the sex and relationship you want and deserve.