Celeste & Danielle Offer Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

“We are seriously out of practice,” Callie said after plopping down next to her boyfriend Holden. It was a bit of an unusual couple for us since neither of them seemed angry or even that worried about the fact that they hadn’t had sex for the past 2 years. More than anything they were perplexed. Callie added, “In the beginning, our sex was insanely romantic, like every touch and every look and every move was full of meaning and promise.” Holden chimed in, “After a while, that just sort of faded and it didn’t really get replaced with anything.”

“That sounds like some pretty High G sex,” I said laughing.

“Hi G?” Holden queried.

“Yes, it seems to me that the two of you started out with some really high gravity sex, sex where each of you took yourselves and each other extremely seriously. Maybe it’s time for a little bit of Low G Sex, something more playful and less consequential.”

The great thing about Callie and Holden was that they had already come to terms with the fact that sex was going to be different in a long-term relationship. Many couples who are having trouble in their sexual relationship hold so tightly to the early experiences, they never get to find a new rhythm with each other. While we certainly wanted to help Callie and Holden find out how to have the hottest sex they could, we also just wanted to get them back into each other’s orbit again. We wanted to help them re-break the ice.

Low G Sex, sex where you decide that you are just going to get it on without taking it too seriously, can be a great antidote to making sure sex happens in the midst of kids, work, social commitments and all the craziness of everyday life. So, how do you have Low G Sex? First, you need to agree that that’s what you are going to do and that you are both up for it. Callie and Holden loved the idea, and left our office ready to start their next sexual experience with some naked tickling (neither had an aversion) and a pillow fight.

In the next session, they were both red-cheeked as they told their story. “It was ridiculous but it helped so much. We just decided, one way or another, we are going to screw around and get off and it turned out to be a lot easier than we thought. Once we dropped the idea that it had to be the most mind-blowing sex in the world, we both ended up satisfied. Since then we can’t stop laughing about it, we lock eyes and just crack up!”

In addition to pillow fights and tickling, here are some other ways to have Low G sex:

  • Have an Oral Sex Match – see which one of you can last the longest giving the other oral sex. For the man, it is a double challenge because he needs to try to last long as a giver and receiver. The woman just gets to have as many orgasms as she can as the receiver (this is better for couples who won’t take the competitive part of this too seriously).
  • Give Each Other Lap Dances – Make sure you pick your favorite songs and shake and grind your way to Funky Town.
  • Porno Roulette – go to a porn site, each of you think of a sex word, put them together and search away. If you end up with MILF creampie, so be it.
  • Have an Innovative Sex Toy Party – bring out your favorite sex toys (or the ones you’ve never opened) and try to use them in a way their manufacturer did not intend.
  • Play Truth or Dare – and dare your partner to do all the things you want them to do to you. Don’t forget to have them moon the dog or ice their nipples at least once!

Remember in a long-term relationship, if you wait for the perfect time to have perfect sex, you might just wait forever. Letting yourself be silly and more relaxed can keep sex flowing in your lives. Try some Low G sex tonight and blast off…

Flirting is a very vulnerable endeavor – to flirt is to open up your desirous, erotic parts to connect with another’s. Opening up and allowing your erotic energy to flow is a big part of what makes it so energizing and exciting. At the same time, no one wants to experience the feelings of rejection that can result from a rebuffed flirt attempt. Whether you are flirting with a new acquaintance or a long-time partner, give yourself tons of gentleness and loving support knowing you are willing to take a risk in order to live your life to the fullest.

Because we want your flirting attempts to be as successful as possible, we want to share what we’ve learned about flirting as sex and relationship coaches and flirts in the world. In our next article, we will reveal our top three secrets to successful flirting. But first, here are a few of the worst flirting mistakes to avoid on your way to becoming a masterful flirt.

#1 Avoiding Flirting Altogether or Relying Too Heavily on Tech Flirting

Because flirting is so vulnerable, and for fear of being slut-shamed or creep-shamed (more about this later), some people avoid flirting altogether. Others avoid the fear of face-to-face flirting by relying on technology as their only flirting medium. They may be great at flirting over Tinder or text, but once you meet them face-to-face, they nervously ask you question after question, without ever pausing long enough in the conversation to catch your eye or take you in. Flirting is scary and not everyone will be available to connect with what you are putting out, but no one can connect if there is no energy at all.

Once, when Celeste asked a date why he didn’t bring any flirtatious energy on a first date, he said, “I think of this as date zero, I don’t want the women I date to be scared away by my sexual energy.” Date zero was an apt name, as there was zero chemistry building and nowhere to go from there. This is not a judgement; many heterosexual men are especially afraid to bring their erotic energy on a first date. Yet, in order to want to go on, women definitely need to feel desired without feeling overwhelmed. This means that flirting is required.

In long-term relationships, people often become very complacent, and treat their sweetheart more like a business partner or co-parent than a lover. Even if you flirted when you first got together, you might feel like it’s silly or stupid to flirt now that you know each other so well so you or your partner may avoid it. This is a huge mistake and probably one of the reasons so many couples have sexless marriages or separate. In order to keep that spark alive and to make all the challenges of long-term relating worth it, you need to play with the desire and anticipation that come from having an ongoing flirting relationship with your sweetie.

#2 Trying to be Someone You’re Not

Some people feel like, in order to flirt, they need to first develop a different personality. If you bypass your authentic style and push yourself to flirt in a non-youish way, then you are likely to miss potential connections completely. In order to create a flirt circuit (which we will teach you how to do in our next article), you must be present in the interaction. Many shy people or people who get nervous think that they have to completely overcome their shyness or nervousness to be an amazing flirt – we strongly disagree. Whether you are a woman or a man, shy flirting can be very sexy! There is something infinitely brave about letting yourself connect while still allowing your shyness and nervousness to be there. A shaky lip, averted glance, or nervous laugh shows your vulnerability to your flirtmate and allows them into your tender parts – it is both endearing and arousing.

#3 Falling into the “Creepy” or “Desperate” Category

While you might think that avoiding flirting altogether is the worst flirting mistake you can make, there is one mistake that is even more dreadful – falling into the creepy or desperate category. The way to avoid being labeled creepy or desperate is to learn how to masterfully share your erotic energy without spilling it all over your flirtmate. If you give too many compliments, laugh way too loud at every joke or seep the other person in double entendres, they will likely label you as desperate or a creep. We have so much compassion for men; some women will put you in the creepy category even if you are an amazing flirt, just because they have decided they are not, and never will be, attracted to you. For women, feeling desperate often comes from not knowing how wonderful you are and learning how to be a subtle flirt can really help. In any case, make sure to treat yourself gently when you feel rejected – and remember how amazing you are for bravely trying!

Now that you know what mistakes to avoid in flirting, stay tuned for our next article on what flirting really is (and isn’t) plus our top 3 secrets of being a successful flirt.

Now that you know what not to do, want to learn the secrets of how to flirt well?! Join us for our Flirting Your Way To Success workshop in Berkeley on October 1st. Find out more and sign up HERE!