Celeste & Danielle Offer Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

Whether you are single or in a relationship, having a flirtatious approach to life makes your world a better place. In preparation for Valentine’s Day, we invite you to build and flex your flirting muscles. Imagine yourself taking your sweetheart out to a Valentine’s day date and having a whole array of tools to flirt with each other and build sexy erotic tension that makes you unable to take your hands off of each other.

If you are single having a flirtatious approach means that everywhere you go, you can smile with a twinkle in your eye, wink when you make your coffee order, or let your sexy laugh out when you order your salmon at the grocery store.

If you are in a relationship, here’s some flirts you might try:

Morning wake-up flirt – Wait til you see your partner stirring and then look at them with desire or invitation when they first wake up. Maybe you have a sensual look or a naughty look in your eyes. Tell them how beautiful they looked while they were sleeping.

Early evening flasher flirt – Maybe you are both sitting in the living room with your computers or watching a show and then slowly you turn to them and unbutton your shirt while giving them a coy smile. Flash them your breasts or chest or, if you know they are a fan of your butt, give them a peak of that instead.

Please, will you…asking flirt – Being in a relationship sometimes means asking your partner to help you with tasks. This can be so much more fun if done with a flirt. Maybe it goes like this: “Baby? (bat your eyelashes), do you think you could…(smile, glide your fingers gently down their hip) pick up the dry cleaning today?

We hope these few examples will inspire you to make flirting a regular part of your day!

Joy is contagious, unfortunately so are anxiety and insecurity. So many people start dates from one extreme or another instead of a place of grounded confidence where they are open to actually enjoying themselves. Romantics may be 20 steps ahead – already so in love with the idea of what could be, while self-described realists may already be bemoaning the fact that they are wasting their time when they could just have a surefire fun night with friends and a pint (of beer, ice-cream, or both). Many folks approach dating as if it is a job interview and are generally caught up on how they will perform. They worry about how the other candidate will measure up or they oscillate and between performance anxiety and competition. We are not saying dating is easy, but there are some ways that a change in approach can really impact the experience, even if the fit is not amazing. Dating with joy is an important skill for people who are in a relationship as well. Many couples have a date night but start to dial it in and make it as much like any other night as possible. This holiday season why don’t we all try these 5 ways to bring a little magic to this artform.

The Pre-Party: Getting ready for a date can be a great way to get grounded and start off with some joy of your own. Do something that is a bit indulgent – take a bubble bath, a longer shower, eat a little something that makes you feel your senses come alive. Listen to your anthem, the one that makes you feel like you can do anything. If you are coupled, think about getting ready on your own. It may feel contrived but it can allow you to look at your partner with fresh eyes if you didn’t just pass them the soap in your getting ready shower. Some people like to take their pre-party a little further, perhaps, all the way. For some a little self-love can be a great way to relieve nerves and get in touch with your desire. Others can get started but might enjoy a date more if they have held out on a big O. Only you can know you body. We encourage you to start dating yourself and remember how fun you are before you even meet up.

A Joyous Plan: Who doesn’t like dinner? For a foodie a surefire joyous plan may be a night at a new food truck park or a great new restaurant. But for those of us that have been on a lot of dates it can feel like a movie montage where the person across from you swaps out but your experience remains the same. As an alternative, try something a bit less stationary and more dynamic. This is a great season for it. Go ice-skating, caroling, go on a hunt for the best-decorated houses in your area. Do a car picnic and watch the sunset or go to indoor mini-golf. See a comedy show and just enjoy yourself (and have a window into their sense of humor without all the pressure). Make a plan that you are excited about.

Stories are Everything: If you are dating someone new take the time to really hear their stories and appreciate how unique they are. Also, when you are telling your own stories, try and be as honest about yourself as possible instead of editing. Be confident that you are fascinating because we all are when we share our unique perspectives. If you are in an LTR try asking your partner to tell you some stories you may not know. Perhaps about a childhood crush or an accomplishment they never got to brag about.

Having Fun Doesn’t Mean You’re Leading Anyone On: Some people feel like they need to be overly “realistic” and make the date an unpleasant one if they feel there will not be a follow-up. We want to give you permission to enjoy yourself without worrying about the future. You might end up surprising yourself, making a new friend, or just having a good story. You can always end by saying, “I had a great time with you, and am not totally feeling the chemistry, but I’m glad we met.”

Strong Finish: Now we don’t necessarily expect the date to end in a night of mind-blowing sex until the morning. If it does, great! You’re welcome ;). But there are many outcomes that can still feel great and leave you with a feeling of hope and joy. This season is a chance to be a little kinder, more open, and share your unique self with the world. Even if your after-party is solo, we are sure you can think of some ways to make it joyous! At the end of date night remember all of the wonderful things you enjoy – about yourself, your date, where you live, what you ate, etc. Gratitude is contagious as well.

The chill in the air, the early sunsets, the coveted seasonal beverages, these all mean one thing: it’s officially cuffing season. While the kinky among you may be saying, silly sexperts, every season in cuffing season for me – we aren’t talking about what goes on in your fave dungeon. “Cuffing Season” is a term for the phenomenon where people who are generally happy being single in beach weather suddenly want to hunker down and snuggle up with a mate during the colder months. Basically, they are willing to be cuffed. While the term cuffing season is more recent and has been traced to college campuses, Canadians have noted the phenomenon of “taking a winter wife” for ages. Beyond the desire for body heat, there are various social psychological explanations for this, such as the association of winter with loneliness, the holidays and family pressures, the panic that there will be no opportunity to be out and about. The fears and desires that surface during this time are important to honor and explore, whether you are in a monogamous relationship or not. Here are a few tips on making it through the winter months.

It’s OK to need contact

While western society promotes individualism and self-sufficiency, the truth is we all want to feel loved, wanted, and connected. Maybe in the warmer months it can feel a little easier to be a lone wolf, getting things done, focusing on yourself but still feeling like your quota of human contact is met. Personally, we feel like just seeing more skin out in the sunshine makes the world feel more connected, and sexier. The winter months can feel isolating. It’s good to have a plan for staying connected even if it doesn’t involve getting laid. Plan a weekly poker night, happy hour, movie night, booty call, snuggle party, whatever it is that keeps you feeling warm and connected. It can be hard to motivate last minute when you know you’re gonna be chilled to the bone. If you’re in a relationship, plan something with your partner that feels intentional and fun, not just a default night of side by side laptoping.

It’s OK to Hibernate

If you are someone who loves to be home more and have time for introspection that is wonderful and don’t feel pressure to force yourself out and about. Give yourself permission to take some time to yourself. If you are single a sick of the dating roller-coaster it’s alright to sit a season out and focus on taking stock and visualizing what you actually want. If this sounds overwhelming we would love to help. If you’re in a relationship maybe you and your love truly cherish this time to netflix and chill and that is great as well. Just check in with yourself instead of going on default.

Communication is Key…even if the relationship is only seasonal

So maybe you are someone who takes a winter wife (or husband) and you find yourself overly committed come the spring when you suddenly want to experience a bit more freedom. If this sounds familiar, you can stop doing it haplessly and start doing it consciously. There is nothing wrong with spending more time with a new lover in the winter months, but it is a good idea to check in and approach this with honesty while still making them feel special. Also, some people who are scared of commitment might need the winter as an excuse to allow themselves to enjoy engaging more fully in a relationship. Just make sure you are not consoli-dating – taking an early promising connection and instantly putting all of the pressures of an LTR – since this can jeopardize a good thing. Who knows, this winter lover could become a year round staple.

Keep Yourself Warm

No matter what your relationship status, the winter is a great time for an extra dose of self-love. Heat up a heating pad, warm up your favorite pumpkin spice lube, and enjoy the feeling of getting away with something. Oh and it’s totally OK to keep your socks on.

Flirting is a very vulnerable endeavor – to flirt is to open up your desirous, erotic parts to connect with another’s. Opening up and allowing your erotic energy to flow is a big part of what makes it so energizing and exciting. At the same time, no one wants to experience the feelings of rejection that can result from a rebuffed flirt attempt. Whether you are flirting with a new acquaintance or a long-time partner, give yourself tons of gentleness and loving support knowing you are willing to take a risk in order to live your life to the fullest.

Because we want your flirting attempts to be as successful as possible, we want to share what we’ve learned about flirting as sex and relationship coaches and flirts in the world. In our next article, we will reveal our top three secrets to successful flirting. But first, here are a few of the worst flirting mistakes to avoid on your way to becoming a masterful flirt.

#1 Avoiding Flirting Altogether or Relying Too Heavily on Tech Flirting

Because flirting is so vulnerable, and for fear of being slut-shamed or creep-shamed (more about this later), some people avoid flirting altogether. Others avoid the fear of face-to-face flirting by relying on technology as their only flirting medium. They may be great at flirting over Tinder or text, but once you meet them face-to-face, they nervously ask you question after question, without ever pausing long enough in the conversation to catch your eye or take you in. Flirting is scary and not everyone will be available to connect with what you are putting out, but no one can connect if there is no energy at all.

Once, when Celeste asked a date why he didn’t bring any flirtatious energy on a first date, he said, “I think of this as date zero, I don’t want the women I date to be scared away by my sexual energy.” Date zero was an apt name, as there was zero chemistry building and nowhere to go from there. This is not a judgement; many heterosexual men are especially afraid to bring their erotic energy on a first date. Yet, in order to want to go on, women definitely need to feel desired without feeling overwhelmed. This means that flirting is required.

In long-term relationships, people often become very complacent, and treat their sweetheart more like a business partner or co-parent than a lover. Even if you flirted when you first got together, you might feel like it’s silly or stupid to flirt now that you know each other so well so you or your partner may avoid it. This is a huge mistake and probably one of the reasons so many couples have sexless marriages or separate. In order to keep that spark alive and to make all the challenges of long-term relating worth it, you need to play with the desire and anticipation that come from having an ongoing flirting relationship with your sweetie.

#2 Trying to be Someone You’re Not

Some people feel like, in order to flirt, they need to first develop a different personality. If you bypass your authentic style and push yourself to flirt in a non-youish way, then you are likely to miss potential connections completely. In order to create a flirt circuit (which we will teach you how to do in our next article), you must be present in the interaction. Many shy people or people who get nervous think that they have to completely overcome their shyness or nervousness to be an amazing flirt – we strongly disagree. Whether you are a woman or a man, shy flirting can be very sexy! There is something infinitely brave about letting yourself connect while still allowing your shyness and nervousness to be there. A shaky lip, averted glance, or nervous laugh shows your vulnerability to your flirtmate and allows them into your tender parts – it is both endearing and arousing.

#3 Falling into the “Creepy” or “Desperate” Category

While you might think that avoiding flirting altogether is the worst flirting mistake you can make, there is one mistake that is even more dreadful – falling into the creepy or desperate category. The way to avoid being labeled creepy or desperate is to learn how to masterfully share your erotic energy without spilling it all over your flirtmate. If you give too many compliments, laugh way too loud at every joke or seep the other person in double entendres, they will likely label you as desperate or a creep. We have so much compassion for men; some women will put you in the creepy category even if you are an amazing flirt, just because they have decided they are not, and never will be, attracted to you. For women, feeling desperate often comes from not knowing how wonderful you are and learning how to be a subtle flirt can really help. In any case, make sure to treat yourself gently when you feel rejected – and remember how amazing you are for bravely trying!

Now that you know what mistakes to avoid in flirting, stay tuned for our next article on what flirting really is (and isn’t) plus our top 3 secrets of being a successful flirt.

Now that you know what not to do, want to learn the secrets of how to flirt well?! Join us for our Flirting Your Way To Success workshop in Berkeley on October 1st. Find out more and sign up HERE!

So, you are an older woman who likes to date young, hot, shy tech nerds. For years, everything was going along fine. They played their video games quietly in the privacy of their own homes while you were somewhere (anywhere) else. Then…suddenly, and without any warning, video games became an outdoor sport. If you are not ready to settle down with a nice guy born in the ‘60’s or ‘70’s who won’t even know what a Pikachu is, then it’s time for you to follow this important cougar’s survival guide to Pokemon Go.

#1 You can’t beat ‘em, so join ‘em

Since Pokemon go is a 24/7 pastime, if you really want to continue to have a youthful babe by your side, you will have to play the game. In addition to working on some fine motor skills as you perfect your curveball, you will be seen by your sweetheart and their friends as one of the coolest cougars around.

#2 Look on the bright side

For the first time, your sweetheart will go on a walk with you any time, day or night. They will be especially keen to go on hikes at 3 in the morning, when it’s much easier to hold a gym long enough to collect some coins! And, at least it’s social. You might even meet some of your baby’s friends who, up til now, you’ve only seen in their chat screens. What’s more, you will finally all have something to talk about. For example, you can figure out together how many pokemon to collect before using a lucky egg. You can even sit around and evolve together. This type of evolution must not be confused with actual personal growth – it’s about gathering enough candy to become the Rainer Vaporean you’ve always wanted to be!

#3 Manage your blood pressure.

If you have begun to play the game, then you are already familiar with the goal of the game – to enslave as many small, cute, disturbing and weirdly named cartoon creatures as you can so that you can use them to gain power, money and prestige and make them fight your enemies. Don’t feel bad, these kinds of human pursuits have been around since long before video games and at least no one dies permanently. Your Pokemon are revivable – revive them with a diamond or a spray from a 409 squirt bottle full of magic potion.

The hardest part of the whole thing is catching the squirrely little buggers without swearing, sweating and or raising your blood pressure. This is why we recommend using some yoga breathing techniques. The steps are as follows:

  • Gently tempt them with a raspberry
  • Throw the appropriately colored ball at them
  • When the ball shimmies for the 2nd and 3rd time, instead of holding your breath and feeling your heart rate spike every time the little f***ers bust out, breathe deeply – five counts in and five out
  • Practice a buddhist level of non-attachment to beating your sweetheart at the game. Young, male techies can change their sleep schedules on a dime and only need 2-3 hours a night – if you want to survive don’t compete!

#4 Use incense as your gateway to sex

Finally, and most importantly, if your sweetheart has tired himself out day after day from all the walking they’ve never done before, don’t despair – it is still possible to get sex. Just “borrow” their phone and “mistakenly” drop one of their incense in the house when they first wake up. This will keep them busy catching Pokemon at home so you can spend the next half hour getting into your sexiest outfit and setting up the playroom. As soon as the 30 minutes incense has burned out, attack him. Works like a charm!!!