In our coaching, we run into many men who say that they feel that they have internalized the virgin/whore dichotomy, that they can imagine having wild, fantasy-filled, and naughty sex with just about anyone other than the woman with whom they are in love. We want you to know that that dichotomy is inside of you, and it comes from shame. All those things that you can imagine doing with a mistress, a porn star or a prostitute (and not your wife or or girlfriend) is a separation between what you feel are your acceptable sexual desires and your unacceptable sexual desires. However, in order to maintain a long-term, sexually hot and passionate relationship with a woman who you love and care about, you will need to keep all of the things you find most sexually exciting about sex involved in that relationship. She will need to be your virgin and your whore, your goddess and your slut. Don’t try to blame it on her and say that she is not going to be up for anything, especially if you’ve never even tried to broach the subject. And if you have asked, and she said she isn’t, then she’s got some shame too. Come on in, we’ll help you create a lifetime of exciting, fantastic sex!
I totally see, and experience this. Damned if you do and then damned if you don’t. Is this a cultural thing? Do women do this as well? How do people manage to compartmentalize this and expect partners to read their minds? Saw the film “Kinsley” last night on TV – interesting.