Celeste & Danielle Offer Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

Wanna learn how you can give and receive the best clitoral orgasms? In the 6th episode of their 9-video series on women’s empowerment, sex coaches Celeste and Danielle tell us why psychological arousal is so important. Watch them discuss what you should – and shouldn’t – do during physical foreplay; and how you can give your partner the most intense orgasm via the clit.

 

(Below is the slightly edited video transcript)

 

How to Get Warmed up Right

Celeste:  Today we’re gonna talk about clitoral orgasms and all of the pleasure a clitoris can have.

For me, the clitoris has so much to do with psychological arousal. If you want to talk to my clit, firstly you have to sneak up on her. Not just go jabbing at her right away. And I think it’s really different (for women). I understand that for men, a lot of times, they’re ready for their cock to be touched right away.

If you’re being a lover to man, you probably can’t touch it too soon, or too often, or lick it, or suck it. So they’re ready. But I think because of that, they think that we’re the same. And we so aren’t.

Danielle:  At all.

Celeste: At all! When you first get warmed up psychologically and physiologically with your clit, she starts to peek out. Like – ooh something good might be happening soon. Or – no, no, that’s too soon! I’m going back into my hole and all the arousal drops.

Danielle: She’s very sneaky. The clit is very sneaky. And so she goes in and out.

Celeste: So she needs to be snuck up on. And I think that’s something to teach your lovers as part of your erotic empowerment. And what does it mean to sneak up on it, right?

Danielle:  What I really like is when I’m snuck on from behind. And then if my lover is touching the whole body. And then just barely touching my pussy. Just a very general caress. It’s not targeted right away at my clit, at all. Very general, a full hand caress, very light. And then it goes anywhere else.

 

Foreplay is a Worthy Investment

Celeste: So you start to get this teasing feeling. Like – oh, I’m going to sneak up on you, but I’m not gonna just focus in yet. And the other ways that you sneak up is by saying sexy things, whispering sexy things in my ear. Or caressing my whole body, biting my neck, nibbling on an ear lobe. My clit starts to come alive when those things are happening And I think that’s what people don’t realize.

Danielle: I tell people foreplay is worth the investment. And foreplay doesn’t start with nipples or pussy – foreplay is way way before.

Celeste: Physically going very very slow and creating anticipation. I think the problem is people go right to the clit itself. For me, you need to have a more broad brush approach. Like you’re using three fingers instead of one finger and you’re not doing it pointy. You’re doing it flat, right?

Gently rubbing, circles or caressing, or same with your tongue, like your like an ice cream cone.

Danielle: Some clits are more sneaky and they do tend to kinda hide, even when they are aroused. So taking a much more broad approach, like using your whole hand, and going up and down and really trying to hook on it. This will be much more inviting for the clit to come out instead of just… run away and hide.

Celeste: I also like my clit kissed. ‘Cause it’s a little like … ooh, ooh, ooh. And I do think women’s performance anxiety comes in when you start touching the clit too fast, and its like you’re trying to make an orgasm happen. As opposed to just like – I’m exploring this and I could stay here forever and it smells so good. This is the attitude, right? And it smells so good, and it tastes so good and it’s so perfect that however long it takes, I don’t care. I’ll be down here enjoying myself.

I feel like that’s what we wanna express to our partners. Men – if your listening that’s what we want you to do for us women. And it’s only when you can feel your body clenching and moving, that we want for the stimulation to be more direct and constant and not get all creative. It’s at that moment that we’re ready for somebody to stick with their guns and really go for the orgasm. But until then it really needs to be snuck up on.

 

The Power of Breath

Danielle:  I want to talk about the power of breath and sound when you’re receiving clitoral pleasure. Always have some sort of stimulation on the clit. Don’t just wait for it to have a magical orgasm without touching the clit. The clit is the source of our pleasure and even if you we have other orgasms, the clit makes everything feel better.

Celeste:  So don’t think of this “orgasm during intercourse without any other stimulation” as the holy grail – it is not. In fact it’s probably gonna be a less intense orgasm than if you are using you’re hand on your clit. Or if you’re using your vibrator at the same time that you’re getting penetrated.

Danielle:  So back to sound and breath. We tend to – when we get or try to squeeze the clitoral orgasm, to get into a little bit of a “work-gasm” mode. We really stop the breath. And it’s good to kinda squeeze the breath and hold it a little bit. But it’s really also very powerful when you release the breath and spread the sensations much more into your body. And then when you get much closer to orgasm, it’s a good time to hold the breath and keep it squeezed. But if you notice that you’re squeezing, squeezing, squeezing, trying to get to orgasm – it means you’re working too hard, and sex is about fun and not about working hard.

Celeste:  But you definitely do usually need to squeeze your muscles. Clitoral orgasm for me is all in my legs and thighs. And I have to smooth them, and squeeze them, and they need to be free to move and squeeze as they please.

 

And if you like what we said here, don’t miss another episode by subscribing to our YouTube Channel!

 

In the 5th episode of their 9-video series on women’s empowerment, Celeste and Danielle give foreplay tips and ideas for women and their partners, and talk about all the fun and pleasure you can have warming up. Because after all – foreplay is an integral part of sex, seduction is key, and taking charge of it yourself is an important element of female erotic empowerment.

 


(Below is the slightly edited video transcript)

 

The Secret How to be a Great Lover to Your Partner

Danielle:  So, today we’re going to talk to you about all the pleasure you can have.

Celeste: I think when you really get into your erotic empowerment, you want it all. And I think it’s good to want it all. Stop apologizing. Saying, “Oh, I take a long time to warm up,”or, “It seems like I need this, and this, and this, to get off.”

So, I’m going to tell you a secret about what we do. I wanna start by just saying – a lot of times, we trick women. What we say is, “We’re gonna teach you how to be a great lover to your partner.” And then when they come in, we say, “You know what would make you a great lover to your partner?”

Danielle:  If you get into your own arousal, and your own sexuality. They’re gonna love it. They won’t get enough of you.

Celeste: Cause what really turns people on is to feel authentic desire coming their way. If you’re trying to give to somebody else, but you’re not even feeling what you want, and you’re not asking for what you want – I think, especially if you’re partner is a man. What he wants is a woman who is just really excited, and turned on, and wanting sex. For herself, on her own terms. As opposed to doing it out of obligation, because your partner wants it. Which is so boring and depressing.

Danielle: It is! I do have clients and friends that tell me, “Oh, I put it on my calendar.” I said, “Okay, that’s not a bad beginning.” But how did we get there? It’s really hard to get from obligation to arousal.

 

Seduction is Key

Celeste:  Yeah, there’s nothing sexy about obligation. What is sexy is really finding out all of the ways you can experience pleasure in your body, and in your psyche. I think for women, a lot of what turns us on the most is the build up. Seduction! Both the seduction in our brain, and the seduction in our body. Because we want all of that – light, tender touch, mixed with grabbing and holding. We also want to hear – and this is hard especially for men – all about how amazing we are. How sexy we are. And how much we’re wanted.

Danielle:  And how beautiful we are.

Celeste:  That’s something women don’t feel like they can ask for. When somebody says, “What do you want sexually?” We think we need tell them about how to touch our clit properly. Which is a really good think to tell people and very few people know how to do it very well.

I’m always, “Oh, we’re going to give you the lesson on that in a little while. Let’s start with how I need you to look at me. Then what I want you to say to me.”

Danielle:  I personally cannot orgasm without my partner telling me something that turns me on verbally. Otherwise, nothing brings me over the edge.

Celeste: So we need that psychological arousal.  And we need good touch, and good physiological arousal. We need people not go grabbing our boobs, and rubbing our clit really hard in the first five minutes of sex.

Danielle:  For me it would be the first forty-five minutes of sex.

Celeste: We need to really get in touch with how we have our orgasm. Once our body has warmed up, and we’ve been kissed, and bitten, and licked in all the right places. What kind of orgasms can we have? How do we learn about that in our own body?

In the next video, we’ll talk about all the different ways we can get to our orgasm. And bring your vibrator everywhere you go!

 

So, if you like what we said here, don’t miss another episode by subscribing to our YouTube Channel!

Women’s bodies and their paths to arousal can be complex and it can help so much to have an approach that really works. In thinking about women’s orgasms in particular, we realized that what has given us have our strongest, longest orgasms was Layering – using a combination of sensations and psychological arousal techniques can make all the difference.
Think, for a moment, about the kind of sex scenes you see on TV. Two people kiss a few times, one of them grabs for the other person’s buttons or belt, or a skirt is lifted and in 30 seconds something quickly gets shoved into something else. If it’s hetero, it’s a penis in a vagina, vaginas get filled with fingers if the scene is between two women and, much-less-often, we see the hints of a penis going in a a mouth or ass if it’s two men. This is the opposite of layering, and, if a woman is involved, it’s very unlikely to result in her having an orgasm.

In contrast, we’ve compiled a list of layers that can make women scream and leave them wordless at the end of sex. Just a word of caution, before you start your layering: some layers can be distracting so make sure you communicate during or after to see which of the layers added intensity and find out if any detracted. Also, the most basic and do-not-ever-forget rule is that most women must have clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This means there will eventually need to be some clit licking, rubbing, vibrating or stimulating of some kind or another. Here are some activities you can add to clit stimulation that can make all the difference in how hard your sweetheart comes. Below we have included quotes from clients, coaches, and friends so you can see their love of layering!

1. Don’t Miss the Kiss. “Feeling a tongue in my mouth, licking my lips or feeling my lips bitten is an amazing warm up, but people usually stop kissing me when they are inside me. Some of my most intense orgasms have been in the midst of a kiss. Usually, I have to stop kissing eventually because I’m moaning too loudly.” Kissing is one of the most important warm-ups for some women and taking too little time, skipping kissing or doing it poorly can really ruin the mood. Read our article about kissing where we call it “The Gateway Drug to Sex.” Also, keep up the kissing throughout. You can kiss your partner while stroking her clit, fucking her, or even while she is masturbating.

2. Include Every Inch of Her Body. “The other night, I was on my knees and my partner was fucking me from behind and I had my vibrator on my clit. Just as I came, she started slapping my ass really hard and it was like the slapping made the orgasm spread through my whole body.” To warm up her body for the best orgasms, giver her light touch, grab her with passion and spank her. All of this can continue during the build to orgasm and can increase orgasmic intensity while she is coming. Gently stroking her back and hips or stomach and breasts while she comes can be a great layer of enhancement as well.

3. The Nipple-Clit Connection. “For me, it is all about my nipples. It feels like they have a direct connection to my clit. One of my favorite things is when my partner is sucking on my clit and they pinch my nipples really hard. I’ve sometimes even had orgasms from my nipples alone.” While licking her clit, reach up and stroke or pinch her nipples – make sure you find the right amount of pressure, some nipples are very sensitive and can only take the lightest of touch while others need a much harder squeeze than you might imagine. A little pain can light up the nervous system for a deeper, longer orgasm.

4. Get the Clit. “What can I say, I’m a clit girl, always have been and probably always will be. If my clit isn’t included, you can forget about my orgasm.” Clitoral orgasms are the most common and foundational orgasm that women have. You can help her if you can get the move and rhythm right with your fingers, tongue or pelvic bone, but you also might want to let her touch her clit while you enhance the experience with other layers! From now on we want you to think of the clit as the most essential ingredient orgasms. Never underestimate the clit – if you are ready to move towards orgasm, no matter what layers you add, you will almost always want to have clit stimulation be one layer unless your partner tells you otherwise.
Pro-tip – An inordinate number of men give the clit too much direct pressure too fast! Start with very light stroking or licking the clit. If you are licking, start out licking as if it were an ice cream cone, include the lips, clit, everything and don’t give hard, direct pressure right away. If you are using your hands, start light, get a lot of surface area, make sure the clit or your fingers are wet, and use the hood to bring friction instead of directly touching it with your fingers!!!

5. Vibrators. “I always take my vibrator to bed.” Vibrators are an amazing tool for layering, this way the woman can be “driving” the clit touch herself and your mouth, hands, and cock or strap-on are free to bring in the other layers. Even all by themselves, without any other layers, vibrators can greatly enhance and prolong a woman’s orgasm as well as making multiple orgasms more likely. BTW, some women can only come by using a vibrator and there is nothing wrong with this!!!

6. G-Spot. “My G-Spot didn’t come into play in my sex life until I was in my mid-thirties. I had this partner who had done a bunch of reading and he wanted to practice all he had learned. We practiced and practiced and practiced!!! It completely changed my sexual desires. I think my favorite now is having him go down on me while he teases my G-Spot and then slowly goes harder and harder. This gives me enough time to really feel the building of my arousal and desire. Sometimes he squeezes and pinches my ass at the same time, then I really go crazy.” The G-Spot is one of our favorite layering tools. Because the G-Spot and clit send sensations across different parts of our nervous system, the combination orgasm that comes from simultaneous G-Spot and clit stimulation can be much more intense. Sometimes, G-Spot touch can desensitize the clit a bit, so you may need stronger stimulation, such as a vibrator or fast-moving fingers, to get the full explosion. If your partner has never connected with her G-Spot, we can teach you how to help her do that!

7. Words and Shared Fantasies. “One time my partner, who is usually really quiet, was kissing my face and neck and stroking my body and suddenly they just started telling me how they were taking control of my body and how I had no choice but to feel all the pleasure. That they were just going to keep touching and playing with me however they wanted to and there was nothing I could do, I just had to let it all happen. It was next-level, that’s for sure. I had to hold back from touching myself right away. Instead, I felt my arousal building higher and higher and the feeling of being powerless was so exciting, I had to wait until they were ready to touch me, I came about 30 seconds after the clit touch started!” We cannot emphasize enough how much adding some more psychological arousal can help bring women harder, deeper orgasms. Everything from telling your partner how hot she is to saying her name or whispering her favorite fantasy in her ear can be huge orgasm enhancers.

8. Cervix. “I really like deep penetration, and I can feel my orgasm emanating from my cervix, but it doesn’t happen unless I have good, strong vibrations on my clit at the same time. My lover can use their fingers or toys, just needs to be really deep and hard, and then my orgasm can go on and on, sometimes I can even roll into a second orgasm without any break.” While some women have very sensitive cervices (yes, that is the plural of cervix!) that cannot take a lot of pressure, other women enjoy the cervix as another wonderful layer of sensation. You can try using your fingers, or a toy if your fingers aren’t long enough. Try direct pressure or pressure to the “gutters” around the cervix, which affects the cervix by moving it, but may have less of a chance to cause discomfort or cramping.

9. Anal Play. “Sometimes I feel like there is this direct connection between my asshole and my clit. My partner will be licking me and then she starts playing with my ass, just on the outside even, and it brings my clit sensitivity way up. It was really surprising the first time, and I thought I would never want anything touching, and definitely not in, my ass. That certainly isn’t the case anymore. I love it when my partner puts her finger inside me or a butt-plug when I’m touching myself. The best is when she is also sucking on my nipple at the same time. I kind of melt into a puddle after that.” Many folks are wary of anal play and don’t even give some gentle stroking a chance, yet all of the nerve endings, as well as the powerful feeling of anal penetration, can really pack an orgasmic punch!

Just sitting here and writing this and thinking about partners who intuitively knew about layering makes us shiver! Women, don’t waste any time, forward this to your partner right away! Point out the parts that you like best and give any extra detail your partner might need, like the order you want them to go in for the perfect build or which ones you like to have all at the same time! Also, make sure to let them know if there is anything you like on your body that we have left out.

Here’s an example: Hi Sweetheart – Just wanted to forward you this list from Celeste and Danielle. For me, it would be best if you’d start with #1, while giving me #2 all over (only light spanking please). Once we’ve done all of that for no less than 15 minutes (can be more!), I’d love for you to use your teeth for number #3 while you *very lightly* stroke my pussy lips and clit with your fingertips. Don’t be shy, I can take a lot of pressure on my nipples, and I’ll tell you if you hit my edge (oh, please, please, hit my edge!)…

We’ll leave the rest to you!!!
Love,
Celeste & Danielle

This week, we are delighted to feature a blog from Elena, a Somatica Graduate and full-time Practitioner.

In Search of My Movie…

In Somatica we talk about HSM, or Hottest Sexual Movie. It’s the words, energy, touch, and experiences that make you feel exactly what you long to feel when you have sex. As I’ve begun to explore my own HSM, it’s been tricky to figure it out, and to accept myself and my turn ons as they are.

Over the past few years I have been an archaeologist of my own soul, my sexual, erotic, vital self. When I first took the Somatica training I was completely disconnected from my sexuality. I was so stuck and had no idea where to even begin getting unstuck. Thankfully, I was in the right place! With the experiential tools and skills, and emotional support I received in the training I was able to begin my ongoing journey of self-discovery. With more consciousness has come more choice, intention, awareness and fulfillment.

Exploring my hottest movie has been one part of this journey – digging into my fantasies and experiences to identify what turns me on: What do I fantasize about? What kind of porn do I like to watch? What sexual encounters and relationships have been the most arousing? Why? What did I feel in those moments? What am I wanting to feel?

In my first year of the Somatica training, I was in a group with two men, both of whom seemed to me to be way more in touch with their HSM than I was (I’m a pro at negative comparison!) I shared with them a scene from a movie, and a story written by Anaïs Nin. The movie was Risky Business and the scene is Love on a Real Train. I haven’t found the story again and I don’t know if I even remember it right but what remains in my imagination is a woman in a skirt being taken from behind in a populated, public space by a stranger.

What about these two “scenes” get me and why? As we explored and one of my co-students reframed my fantasy I was able to get more detail about what turned me on in the stories and what didn’t. For example, when he framed the the scene on the train as just me and a gentleman, I immediate corrected him – no, he’s not a gentleman. When my colleague added that no one was around, that was wrong too (even though that is the scene in Risky Business). It wasn’t about people being around and watching, it was about people being around and not knowing. In the Anaïs Nin story, the sex is public and also secret. This led me to memories of my first boyfriend and I having sex in my room at my parents house, in the middle of the day. Everyone was home but they had no idea what was going on in my bedroom. It was hot.

From this first layer excavation my takeaway was that secrecy, risk, and illicit sex are veins of rich ore in the mines of my desire. As I follow them more deeply other insights come to light. For instance, I’m not necessarily turned on by illicit as in dishonest – although the tension created by an affair definitely has its appeal. I get even more aroused by engaging in non-traditional sex and relationships. It turns out what arouses me is the risk involved in being vulnerable in my intimate relationships, and the super hot, shared secret of how sex can be, and how relationships can be, when engaged in authentically, erotically, naughtily, and openly.

My Hottest Sexual Movie is a work in progress. It is exhilarating to continue refining, learning, and practicing my movie! Exploring it in a group setting, being supported by community and supporting others is amazing. This year I have the opportunity to lead a group in the training and I am looking forward to helping others explore, find their HSM, embrace it and feel empowered to share with their partners freely and without shame.

We’re giving you an intimate glimpse into one woman’s quest to increase her libido, featuring excerpts from emails she wrote to close female friends as she worked with Celeste and Danielle in their Sex Therapy and Relationship Coaching practice.

In this second of five posts, we’ll look at what really helps women deal with their low sexual desire as she describes the transformation she and her husband went through. Our client writes:

“I knew logically that when we have great sex, so many other things are better – he is nicer to me and I am nicer to him, we have more fulfilling conversations, we play more joyfully with our son. I mean, who doesn’t want these things?!? So why were we sitting here nearly 2 decades into our relationship with my husband feeling like I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t desire sex in the way that he wanted? And was it going to be the thing that eventually destroyed our relationship?”

So she went to her OBGYN who told her that there really aren’t medications to solve this problem and the OBGYN recommended she contact a therapist, but they either weren’t available or not a good fit for her. Our client writes:

“My husband did what he does best and did some research online. And he found Celeste & Danielle, some fairly non-traditional Sex therapists. Most therapists focus on LOTS of talking and hopefully a moderately positive outcome. This one (Celeste & Danielle) focused on the transformative power of pleasure via exposing our vulnerabilities alongside a heavy dose of sex education.”

Lesson #1. Breathing… all the way down.

“Our first visit with the Sex therapist, we both shared our side of the story (VERY hard, LOTS of tears). She listened, connected with us, asked questions and even shed a tear herself. She comforted me and told me that as a female race, we’ve been taught OUR ENTIRE LIVES to keep it in our pants. She pointed out that that kind of brainwashing certainly makes it difficult to reconnect our mind with our pussy. Whether it’s that the initial infatuation period has worn off, or that work is stressful, or that the kids need attention, or that the dinner has to be made – it is SO EASY for us to focus on absolutely everything else other than our sexual needs and desires. She told me that most women have “low libido” which is just another way to say that we are disconnected from our sexuality. Try something right now. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out. Do you feel it down to your pussy? If you are like me a month ago, the answer is that you don’t. You take a deep breath in and out, and the sensation stops right in the middle of your torso. So take a moment, and try again. Take a REALLY deep breath in and out and connect it all the way down to your pussy. If you are like me a month ago, that was a really strange sensation. But it felt nice.”

Homework #1

“So what did our sex therapist ask us to do after that first appointment? Well, I had the brunt of the homework, or so my husband thought. I was to do little things – like when I walked outside and the air felt fresh and cool, or I liked the way the sky looked, or it was unusually warm, I was supposed to take a deep breath, all the way down to – you guessed it – my pussy. And yes, you say that word often enough and it heightens your awareness of your sexuality. I was also supposed to dress more slowly, to feel the sensation of the materials on my skin. As a couple, we were supposed to be more affectionate and playful. To greet each other more enthusiastically at the end of the day, to cuddle together, to have pillow fights. Finally, we were supposed to expand our sexuality outside of sex. To watch a Hollywood (not porn) movie together, to read erotica together. No connection to the act of sex itself, just to expand our awareness and enjoyment of each other’s sexuality.”

The bad and the good.

“I’ll be honest, there were days that didn’t go great. There were days I got upset about something at work, or how my husband handled something at home, or getting my period. But overall, the deep breaths and getting dressed slowly awakened something inside me that made it quite frankly, much easier to feel turned on in a way that I’ve never been able to do before. I’m not saying I automatically am thinking about sex a hundred times a day, it’s much more subtle than that. But I did start to find that these small moments throughout the day helped me realize I might not only want sex for my husband’s sake, or for logical reasons like connecting us more deeply, but I might want it for my own pleasure as well. I actually giggled one day riding home on the bike to realize that it must feel pretty damn good to be a guy and think like this all the time.”

A realization.

“On a long run between our first and second appointments with our sex therapist, I asked my husband how he thought it was going. He mentioned that he thought it was going well from a results standpoint, but he felt he wasn’t really contributing. He felt it was all because of what I was doing on my own. I told him that I felt like we were trying to climb a mountain and that yes, part of establishing base camp was me connecting within myself, but that I really felt an equally important part was feeling wanted (not just for sex, but really truly loved and cared for) and we talked about how important I felt it was for him to show me this in a super exaggerated way. For instance, when he gets home at night, to dazzle me with a deep kiss and to hold me in his arms for more than a quick second. Not because he wanted sex that night, but just because he loves me. Or to skip his normal routine of heading to the office upon arriving home, and to instead sit with me while I prepared dinner and to talk to me about his day or my day or anything else. He tried hard to do these things since, and it’s been as essential as some of the other more overtly sexual homework.”

We love that our client is letting us share her journey with you because so many women want a more robust sex drive. And the next installment will be about sexual tension, which everyone wants more of!