Celeste & Danielle Offer Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

Women have long been robbed of their erotic power. But can reclaiming your sexual empowerment help you in daily life?

To address this and other women’s issues, we made a 9-video series, talking about everything from erotic empowerment, PMS, and foreplay tips, to how to have the best orgasms and do anal pleasure right.

In this first video, we teach how to connect to your body and harness your sexual energy to feel strong, empowered, and get what you want – in life, in bed, and at work.

 

 

(Below is the slightly edited video transcript)

 

Why Women are Not Sexually Empowered

Celeste: To be a successful woman in the world, you have to be erotically empowered.

I want to start out by saying that women have been robbed of their sexual power in the world. We have been told that sex is dangerous, that there’s something wrong with us if we want sex. We have been slut shamed left and right when we do show ourselves as sexual beings. And that takes away our power in every area of our lives.

If you want to be a successful career woman, if you want to be a successful mother, if you want to be a great friend, and especially if you want to be an amazing lover and partner – you have to find this part of yourself.

 

Danielle: You might sound completely unheard, or weird, or think … how are these two things are related to each other. How come your empowerment in the world is related to your sexual empowerment?

The truth is that everything – your knowledge, your intuition, your ability to find what you want – is settled in your pelvis and in your gut. And if we are walking in the world, just thinking and saying “oh I think I want that”, we don’t have anything to ground it or to base it off.

 

What is Erotic Empowerment?

Celeste: So – what is women’s erotic empowerment?

I think you were making a really good point. You have to be in your body in order to be erotically empowered. You have to feel your desire on a deep embodied level.

But also I think it really means knowing what you want as a woman. And not just in general, in the world, or in your career. But knowing what you want sexually, as a woman. And being completely unashamed about it. Also being willing to go out and get it for yourself. Not just wait for it to come to you.

Because that’s what we’re taught. We’re thinking: “You know, maybe, some man out there is going to teach us about our sexuality. Or maybe some woman is going to come out and teach us about our sexuality.” But it’s never like: “I’m gonna figure out who I am in this realm, and what I want.”

 

How to Connect to your Sexual Power

Danielle: I don’t think it’s very obvious for people – how sexuality is the thing that makes them empowered. For women, I think it’s a missing link there.

They look at sex as such a compartment in their life. These are things that you do in the bedroom. With one person, who is the love of your life. And women are not taught to feel: “Oh, this is the thing that wakes me up in the morning. And this is the thing that puts a stride in my walk because I feel my pelvis, and I feel my sexual energy.

I think this link is really important to make. Because when you know what you want sexually, and you feel that that is your right, and it’s something that feels good and feeds you, and you feel like “Mmmm I want that” – then you feel comfortable asking for what you want.

Feeling along the ripples of pleasure in your body, you start to walk differently in the world, feel your selfness. You walk around and you feel your hips moving. You feel like your sexual energy is spreading throughout and coursing through your body. And then everything starts to feel brighter. You see the sunshine, you see leaves, you see people, you see children. You feel feelings. It’s worth trying.

 

The Benefits of Sexual Empowerment

Celeste: And you feel connected, right? You feel connected to yourself. And that helps you connect to all of the people that you love in the world.

I know we think of sex as this taboo thing that’s supposed to be separate. It’s kind of cast aside in our society. But it’s also part of our aliveness. It’s not just what we do in the bedroom. It’s who we are as beings. And when we’re strutting around in energy, and going after what we want, I think people really feel it. And they respect us more as humans when they don’t see us hiding our desire, or hiding who we are in that realm.

Now that you realize why it’s worth your time to be erotically empowered, we’re going to teach you how to get into your pussy power!

 

Join us soon for Episode 2 of the series: How to Awaken Your Sexual Power as a Woman.

If you liked our video, don’t miss any another episode by subscribing to our YouTube Channel!

The other day, I called Kaiser to talk about vagina care.

I can feel some slight changes, including vaginal dryness and pain after intercourse. My vagina has served me very well thus far and I plan to continue our wonderful relationship. We both deserve heaps of TLC, so I wanted to find out about what my vagina care options were to make sure she stays supple and ready for action!

 

Coconut Oil for Vaginal Dryness

Here’s what Kaiser had to say about HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) as vaginal dryness treatment:

— They recently did a study comparing HRT cream to coconut oil.  The latter would get applied once or twice a day as natural hormone replacement therapy for vaginal dryness. They found that coconut oil worked just as well as HRT cream as a female dryness cure, solving the problems that happen as we age.

— In case coconut oil for vaginal dryness doesn’t work or is not an option for you because of allergies, they are currently doing a cancer study on an HRT ring that offers an even lower dose of hormones than the cream. Keep your eye out for the results!

— Any kind of hormone replacement therapy increases your chance of breast cancer, but pills are by far the worst.

 

Coconut Oil as Lube

We also talked about coconut oil as a viable substitute for lube.

Kaiser recommended applying it inside of the vagina at least a half hour before intercourse. This seemed like too little time for absorption to me. To be safe, I plan to try this vaginal dryness treatment a few hours before having sex. They also cautioned that you cannot use coconut oil as lube if you are using it with condoms.

If you’re allergic to coconut, they suggested going with an established lube, but certain lubes are much better for happy vaginas than others. Some lubes cause pH imbalances and kill the healthy bacteria in your vagina, so they advocated for the following lubes:

Good Clean Love: Almost Naked Personal Lubricant

Slippery Stuff Gel

Sliquid: Organics Natural

Sliquid: H2O

They said to avoid lubes that contain chlorhexidine gluconate or polyquaternium.

 

General Vagina Care

They also sent a list of other hot tips about vagina care in general:

— Avoid all soap. Only wash with warm water and gently pat dry.

— Do not douche.

— Do not use baby wipes nor wet wipes on the vulva.

— Wear all cotton underwear. Try to avoid synthetic and silk underwear.

— Wash your underwear separately with a mild fragrance-free detergent. Use the extra rinse cycle and do not use fabric softener or dryer sheets.

— Do not use any topical products containing benzocaine (such as Vagisil).

— Only use feminine hygiene products (menstrual pads, tampons) when you are menstruating. Avoid daily use of these products. If possible, try to use organic, chemical-free feminine hygiene products. Some women even find these products irritating. If that is the case consider using all cotton menstrual pads.

— Do not use any feminine hygiene sprays nor deodorants.

— Do not use baby powder or talcum powder.

— After exercising or swimming, change out of your wet clothes to limit your exposure to excess moisture and heat.

 

Thanks, Kaiser! I appreciate that you did not push pills but instead gave the alternative, food-based option of coconut oil for vaginal health. I’m so glad you are doing research on how to take care of our vaginas and stay cancer free…

I thank you, my vagina thanks you, and I KNOW my lovers will thank you too!

Love,

Celeste

We were just joking about the 5 Easy Steps. But we do think it’s time to lose your reputation you’ve been trying so hard to protect! So here’s a story by (and about) Celeste that we think will help you find your freedom instead…

When The Rumors Started

One Monday morning in 8th grade, as I jogged slowly around the block with my fellow students in PE class in the small town where I grew up, one of my classmates jogged up next to me and said: “So, I heard you gave head to John last night in Nate’s treehouse.” Simultaneously, I felt the wind knocked out of me and my flight response kicked in full-force. I started to run as fast as I could. Looking back now, I know I was trying to run away from this image of me as a girl who would give a blowjob at a party to someone she wasn’t even really dating. Never having been any kind of jock, it was certainly the fastest I’d ever run in PE.

Nevermind that the furthest I had ever gone with a boy was a french kiss and a little touching of my breasts over the shirt. But for the sake of the rumor mill, the fact that I had breasts – really big ones for my young age – combined with my flirtatious personality were enough to brand me as a slut. When I first heard the news, I felt a very strong need to clear up my reputation, to make sure people knew that I had done no such thing. At the same time, I was perhaps lucky to have been born in the early 70’s, into a family who had fully embraced being part of the hippie counterculture. It had never been our motto to fit in or be what everyone else thought we should be. My dad was an avid stoner and, by this time, my mom had already begun her career as a Tarot reader.

And I, whether I liked it or not, was going to be seen as a slut. It didn’t take me too long to stop running and to wholeheartedly embrace the slut image. After all, I was really horney. I loved to flirt and feel people’s attraction towards me. Though I didn’t have sex with lots of guys, I started having sex relatively early and had had 5 partners by the end of high school. I also loved to make out at parties and I really, really loved dressing sexy. I liked the attention and I liked showing off my big, beautiful breasts.

Letting the “Good Girl” Go

There was something about losing the reputation of being a “good girl”, (something I still love to be called during sex), that also freed me up from worrying too much about being good in general. We, humans, are complex creatures, and to pretend that all of our motives and actions come from a place of love, generosity, and positive purpose is a lie. What’s more, even when we are coming from a place of love, generosity, and positive purpose, others may still see or experience what we are doing differently. They may even feel harmed by something that we are offering from this place.

The wonderful thing about losing your reputation, early and often, is that you don’t have to be shameful, or guilty, or defensive when you do something from the not-so-full-of-love-and-light part of yourself – from the childish, vindictive, or narcissistic part. And, you don’t have to defend yourself if you are doing something from a place of positive intention and someone else experiences what you’ve done as hurtful. Instead, you can “cop to it”. When you can be honest about not being perfect and you can let go of having to be seen as perfect, you get to be human and you get to be more connected.

So Go Ahead and Ruin Your Reputation

Think about it, if you have to defend against, divorce yourself from, or hide from anyone who thinks that something about you isn’t perfect or who is harmed by your best intentions, you will spend a lot of time defending, divorcing yourself, and hiding. If, instead, you step towards people and acknowledge your imperfections and hear their pain.You may even know that they are most certainly gossiping about you behind your back and you can let go of needing that to be different because you can now walk in the world with openness. People may look at you and shake their head disapprovingly saying, “She (or he) is shameless” and you will know that they are right. Turns out being free of shame is not such a bad thing after all.

 

  • Photo by Raj Bandyopadhyay

Women’s bodies and their paths to arousal can be complex and it can help so much to have an approach that really works. In thinking about women’s orgasms in particular, we realized that what has given us have our strongest, longest orgasms was Layering – using a combination of sensations and psychological arousal techniques can make all the difference.
Think, for a moment, about the kind of sex scenes you see on TV. Two people kiss a few times, one of them grabs for the other person’s buttons or belt, or a skirt is lifted and in 30 seconds something quickly gets shoved into something else. If it’s hetero, it’s a penis in a vagina, vaginas get filled with fingers if the scene is between two women and, much-less-often, we see the hints of a penis going in a a mouth or ass if it’s two men. This is the opposite of layering, and, if a woman is involved, it’s very unlikely to result in her having an orgasm.

In contrast, we’ve compiled a list of layers that can make women scream and leave them wordless at the end of sex. Just a word of caution, before you start your layering: some layers can be distracting so make sure you communicate during or after to see which of the layers added intensity and find out if any detracted. Also, the most basic and do-not-ever-forget rule is that most women must have clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This means there will eventually need to be some clit licking, rubbing, vibrating or stimulating of some kind or another. Here are some activities you can add to clit stimulation that can make all the difference in how hard your sweetheart comes. Below we have included quotes from clients, coaches, and friends so you can see their love of layering!

1. Don’t Miss the Kiss. “Feeling a tongue in my mouth, licking my lips or feeling my lips bitten is an amazing warm up, but people usually stop kissing me when they are inside me. Some of my most intense orgasms have been in the midst of a kiss. Usually, I have to stop kissing eventually because I’m moaning too loudly.” Kissing is one of the most important warm-ups for some women and taking too little time, skipping kissing or doing it poorly can really ruin the mood. Read our article about kissing where we call it “The Gateway Drug to Sex.” Also, keep up the kissing throughout. You can kiss your partner while stroking her clit, fucking her, or even while she is masturbating.

2. Include Every Inch of Her Body. “The other night, I was on my knees and my partner was fucking me from behind and I had my vibrator on my clit. Just as I came, she started slapping my ass really hard and it was like the slapping made the orgasm spread through my whole body.” To warm up her body for the best orgasms, giver her light touch, grab her with passion and spank her. All of this can continue during the build to orgasm and can increase orgasmic intensity while she is coming. Gently stroking her back and hips or stomach and breasts while she comes can be a great layer of enhancement as well.

3. The Nipple-Clit Connection. “For me, it is all about my nipples. It feels like they have a direct connection to my clit. One of my favorite things is when my partner is sucking on my clit and they pinch my nipples really hard. I’ve sometimes even had orgasms from my nipples alone.” While licking her clit, reach up and stroke or pinch her nipples – make sure you find the right amount of pressure, some nipples are very sensitive and can only take the lightest of touch while others need a much harder squeeze than you might imagine. A little pain can light up the nervous system for a deeper, longer orgasm.

4. Get the Clit. “What can I say, I’m a clit girl, always have been and probably always will be. If my clit isn’t included, you can forget about my orgasm.” Clitoral orgasms are the most common and foundational orgasm that women have. You can help her if you can get the move and rhythm right with your fingers, tongue or pelvic bone, but you also might want to let her touch her clit while you enhance the experience with other layers! From now on we want you to think of the clit as the most essential ingredient orgasms. Never underestimate the clit – if you are ready to move towards orgasm, no matter what layers you add, you will almost always want to have clit stimulation be one layer unless your partner tells you otherwise.
Pro-tip – An inordinate number of men give the clit too much direct pressure too fast! Start with very light stroking or licking the clit. If you are licking, start out licking as if it were an ice cream cone, include the lips, clit, everything and don’t give hard, direct pressure right away. If you are using your hands, start light, get a lot of surface area, make sure the clit or your fingers are wet, and use the hood to bring friction instead of directly touching it with your fingers!!!

5. Vibrators. “I always take my vibrator to bed.” Vibrators are an amazing tool for layering, this way the woman can be “driving” the clit touch herself and your mouth, hands, and cock or strap-on are free to bring in the other layers. Even all by themselves, without any other layers, vibrators can greatly enhance and prolong a woman’s orgasm as well as making multiple orgasms more likely. BTW, some women can only come by using a vibrator and there is nothing wrong with this!!!

6. G-Spot. “My G-Spot didn’t come into play in my sex life until I was in my mid-thirties. I had this partner who had done a bunch of reading and he wanted to practice all he had learned. We practiced and practiced and practiced!!! It completely changed my sexual desires. I think my favorite now is having him go down on me while he teases my G-Spot and then slowly goes harder and harder. This gives me enough time to really feel the building of my arousal and desire. Sometimes he squeezes and pinches my ass at the same time, then I really go crazy.” The G-Spot is one of our favorite layering tools. Because the G-Spot and clit send sensations across different parts of our nervous system, the combination orgasm that comes from simultaneous G-Spot and clit stimulation can be much more intense. Sometimes, G-Spot touch can desensitize the clit a bit, so you may need stronger stimulation, such as a vibrator or fast-moving fingers, to get the full explosion. If your partner has never connected with her G-Spot, we can teach you how to help her do that!

7. Words and Shared Fantasies. “One time my partner, who is usually really quiet, was kissing my face and neck and stroking my body and suddenly they just started telling me how they were taking control of my body and how I had no choice but to feel all the pleasure. That they were just going to keep touching and playing with me however they wanted to and there was nothing I could do, I just had to let it all happen. It was next-level, that’s for sure. I had to hold back from touching myself right away. Instead, I felt my arousal building higher and higher and the feeling of being powerless was so exciting, I had to wait until they were ready to touch me, I came about 30 seconds after the clit touch started!” We cannot emphasize enough how much adding some more psychological arousal can help bring women harder, deeper orgasms. Everything from telling your partner how hot she is to saying her name or whispering her favorite fantasy in her ear can be huge orgasm enhancers.

8. Cervix. “I really like deep penetration, and I can feel my orgasm emanating from my cervix, but it doesn’t happen unless I have good, strong vibrations on my clit at the same time. My lover can use their fingers or toys, just needs to be really deep and hard, and then my orgasm can go on and on, sometimes I can even roll into a second orgasm without any break.” While some women have very sensitive cervices (yes, that is the plural of cervix!) that cannot take a lot of pressure, other women enjoy the cervix as another wonderful layer of sensation. You can try using your fingers, or a toy if your fingers aren’t long enough. Try direct pressure or pressure to the “gutters” around the cervix, which affects the cervix by moving it, but may have less of a chance to cause discomfort or cramping.

9. Anal Play. “Sometimes I feel like there is this direct connection between my asshole and my clit. My partner will be licking me and then she starts playing with my ass, just on the outside even, and it brings my clit sensitivity way up. It was really surprising the first time, and I thought I would never want anything touching, and definitely not in, my ass. That certainly isn’t the case anymore. I love it when my partner puts her finger inside me or a butt-plug when I’m touching myself. The best is when she is also sucking on my nipple at the same time. I kind of melt into a puddle after that.” Many folks are wary of anal play and don’t even give some gentle stroking a chance, yet all of the nerve endings, as well as the powerful feeling of anal penetration, can really pack an orgasmic punch!

Just sitting here and writing this and thinking about partners who intuitively knew about layering makes us shiver! Women, don’t waste any time, forward this to your partner right away! Point out the parts that you like best and give any extra detail your partner might need, like the order you want them to go in for the perfect build or which ones you like to have all at the same time! Also, make sure to let them know if there is anything you like on your body that we have left out.

Here’s an example: Hi Sweetheart – Just wanted to forward you this list from Celeste and Danielle. For me, it would be best if you’d start with #1, while giving me #2 all over (only light spanking please). Once we’ve done all of that for no less than 15 minutes (can be more!), I’d love for you to use your teeth for number #3 while you *very lightly* stroke my pussy lips and clit with your fingertips. Don’t be shy, I can take a lot of pressure on my nipples, and I’ll tell you if you hit my edge (oh, please, please, hit my edge!)…

We’ll leave the rest to you!!!
Love,
Celeste & Danielle

In case you didn’t know, there is something we should all be celebrating as soon as possible and that is the beautiful practice of self-pleasure. Yes- May is Masturbation Month (or Maysturbation month as one of our brilliant Facebook followers suggested) and we could not be more excited to revisit this essential act with you all (and with ourselves, of course). For most of us, maturbation was our first sexual experience but instead of giving our relationship with ourselves the time and attention this first love deserves, we often think of it as a functional quick-fix. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but why not see how much pleasure and fun could be had if we gave masturbation a little more love? We have a few ideas of how you can bring some of that spring fever energy back to yourself, which will likely inspire you to spread the love.

1. Take your time
When was the last time you actually set aside some time to do yourself proper? Make a date with yourself that involves a bit of lead up, some extra attention, and maybe a delicious nap afterwards. You may surprise yourself with your own potential for self-induced pleasure when you actually dedicate a solid window of time.

2. Mix it up
Most people have a go-to way that they masturbate. This might involve a trusty vibrator, a favorite porn, a certain position. Often these are habits of efficiency and, although tired and true, this month we challenge you to change them up a bit. It may take a little longer but it will be worth it, we promise.

3. Try it with a buddy
We are huge fans of mutual masturbation. Not only is it super hot to watch, or have specific tasks as a helper (nipple sucking is a solid go to) but watching your partner pleasure themselves can be very informative and can give you all sorts of great ideas for how to please your partner. Also, if you are into role-playing there are many fun ways to create scenarios where you are only “allowed” to touch yourselves.

4. A change of scenery?
Without risking arrest, think of a new location that might add a bit of variation to your routine. Maybe you usually touch yourself on that chair in front of your computer, in the shower, or in bed. Isn’t it time to try the couch, the secluded back porch, or in front of your partner on their work-at-home desk?

5. Buy a new toy
Treat yourself! Afterall, much-beloved sex toy supplier Good Vibrations is the original masterminds (get it, master?) behind Masturbation Month so why not show them, or any other fav local sex shop some love this month and get yourself the gift that keeps on giving. If it has been a while, you will be delighted to see how technology keeps advancing in the sexual pleasure field, from usb charging to remote vibe necklaces the future is at your fingertips, and in your pants.

Most of all, this month is a great time to remember that we all have the capacity to experience amazing amounts of pleasure on our own. We are whole sexual beings and we all deserve to dedicate some time to this part of our lives. It is so silly and shame-based that words about masturbation are used as insults. This Month, and every other one, let’s all commit to being proud wankers, jack-offs, baters, bean-flickers, or pearl-polishers.