Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

The New York Times recently published an article on kissing where researchers tried to figure out exactly what role kissing plays in relationships.

The problem with researchers is that their job is to study what is and not what can be… As sex and relationship coaches, we know that kisses are not all the same and that kissing can be much more of an arousing experience if couples learn how to give each other the most passionate, tantalizing, teasing kisses there are! Here’s what we wrote about kissing in our recent newsletter:

Kisses are the gateway drug to sex. So, don’t just dive in there, take your time. The perfect kiss isn’t born, it’s made. It starts with that look. You know, the one that melts your insides. The longing look into your eyes then down towards your lips that says, I don’t think I can wait another minute, but just looking is soooooooo good. Then, you move towards each other, savoring the moment when your lips first touch. You feel the texture, puffy, smooth, wet. You start to move your lips together in a dance, feeling the chill that goes through your body as your tongues first touch. Go slowly at first, tasting, licking then deepen into more passion and movement. Notice how deep your partner puts their tongue in your mouth, see what it’s like to match their rhythm. Don’t forget to TAKE BREAKS. No matter how good a kiss, if you just sit there, faces pressed together, even the most amazing kiss can get boring. So, don’t be lazy! Whether it is your first kiss or you’ve been kissing for a very long time, remember to pull back, tease, look in your lover’s eyes again, kiss their cheeks and the corners of their mouth, kiss down and bite their neck, and look in their eyes again (we can’t emphasize the power of the look enough)! Once you have perfected the kiss follow us on Facebook or Twitter and tell us all about it. We want to hear about YOUR PERFECT KISS!!!

There has been a lot of controversy about Robin Thicke lately, which has overshadowed what we see as the positive message of his song, “Blurred Lines.” If we can overlook the fact that he is wildly tooting his own horn (so to speak), we actually love the idea that a “Good girl…must wanna get nasty.” We are so tired of the idea that being a good girl means that you are not sexual, good girl or bad girl, if the seduction and touch is right for us, we all want it. Ladies if you want to help your partner seduce you properly, you might try playing with the archetype of the Good Girl or the Bad Girl. If you want to heat up your sex life tonight, ask yourself, “Am I a good girl or a bad girl?” If you are a good girl, are you ready to be corrupted, cherished, teased, worshiped? If you are a bad girl, are you hoping to be punished, chased after, in-charge, worshiped? – Oooooops, did we say worshiped twice 🙂 Let yourself create a full Good Girl or Bad Girl fantasy and share it in as much detail as possible with your partner. Do it right, and we don’t think you’ll get any sleep tonight!

Cory Silverberg’s fantastic article combats more than just fatigue, it is for anyone where sex has waned in their relationship. Acknowledgment, acceptance, focusing on sex beyond just intercourse, and focusing on desire are all things we champion as Somatica practitioners and we’re really happy to see them here. Embodiment is not just for times when you are at your peak – it is something to experience all the time, staying connected with yourself, acknowledging what you are capable of, and communicating your feelings, desires and capacities with your partner.

Recently, we blogged about testosterone levels in men. We talked about the inaccurate and doubtful testing methods, to how environment, age, rest and exercise effects testosterone levels giving men options on how to can raise testosterone levels naturally. Recently, we came upon this really interesting study for men that shows that breathing in women’s natural scent can be another fantastic way to raise your “T” levels. Take note women, leaving the perfume and the deodorant on the shelf may be the most effective way to attract the right man.

We just answered a message we found on a Men’s Health blog and wanted to share it with you.

Q: My wife and I want to spice things up, but she says she doesn’t have any fantasies she wants to fulfill. Is that possible?

A: We have found that women often freeze up in response to questions about fantasies. In answer to your question about how to spice up your sex life and find out more about women’s fantasies we’d like to offer you an excerpt from our upcoming book – Cockfidence – “Each woman has her own ideal seduction ‘movie’ – an assortment of thoughts about the kind of seduction that she wants to experience with her partner. Many women have daydreams about how they want their relationships with men to look, and what kinds of looks, words, acts, and gestures would fill their hearts and wet their pussies, but they often don’t identify these thoughts as fantasies because they are not overtly sexual. This is especially true for women whose ideal seduction fantasy is Romantic.”

Women’s fantasies of seduction generally fall into one or a combination of 3 categories – Romantic, Passionate, and Dominant – which we cover in depth in the upcoming book. To get a better answer to your question about your partner’s fantasy, try asking a woman what her perfect date would look like from beginning to end – this should give you plenty of hints into her ideal seduction.

Sure, our pussies change over our lifetime, but we certainly weren’t expecting these changes to feel soooooooooooo good! When we first became business partners neither one of us were G-spot girls; we had spent our childhood masturbatory explorations and our adult sexual experiences completely clit-focused. And then we discovered perhaps one of the best-kept secrets of female sexuality. Namely, the sensitivity of the G-spot and a woman’s potential for mind-blowing G-spot orgasm develops over time. Don’t get us wrong, clitoral orgasms are GREAT and we would never want to promote a hierarchy of orgasm, but we do want women to know that their orgasms can be both multi AND multi-dimensional. Over the past 3 years of G-spot exploration, both of our G-spots have grown larger and developed extraordinary sensitivity. And we’ve both learned to ejaculate, sometimes with and sometimes without orgasm. The clit at times can feel like a fuse, you might need it to light up, but eventually you get to the BOMB – explosive internal orgasms that shoot through your body and make you scream. And, you can add another dimension by accessing the G-spot anally, or by giving the cervix stimulation as well. The more dimensions, the more intensity and the more you will want. We don’t want any woman to miss out on her potential to be as big sexually and emotionally as she can be!

We don’t know about you boys, but we can tell you one game many of us girls played as young folks was a game called Dress Up. Playing Dress Up meant donning our favorite fairy princess dress or sequined tutu, adding a little imagination and we were in for hours of entertainment. As sex and intimacy coaches, we always say, “Sex is where adults go to play”. Why not use the summer warmth of June as inspiration to play your own adult game of Dress Up? Dress Up can have many meanings, everything from brushing off that tux and evening gown and having a romantic candle-lit dinner at home, to remembering the joys of playing doctor, except this time you can go get yourself a lab coat, some black vinyl gloves and a thermometer and keep track as temperatures rise. What did you always want to be when you grew up? A fireman? A flight attendant? An astronaut? It’s not too late, at least not the in bedroom. Find yourself a fireman’s hat and you are half-way there. If you are lucky, the hat’s all you’ll need! If your coupled, play with a partner. If you are single, try dressing up and trying out a new persona out in the world – you may find a whole new sense of confidence!