Women’s pleasure potential is through the roof, yet most women get nowhere near reaching it. We want to put the power of pleasure in your hands by helping you know your body, how it works, and what is possible. Once you know what is on the menu, you can choose the dishes you like best and that feel best in your body.
We want you to have all the delicious orgasms you can, but first a brief history of the facts and politics of women’s orgasms. If you remember nothing else, remember that 70% of women need some kind of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Historically, Freud said that the only mature orgasm was a “vaginal orgasm.” Later, feminists fought for the clitoris, contenting that there was no such thing as a vaginal orgasm. More recently, we’ve learned that women can have orgasms that originate from three different places – the clitoris, the G-Spot, and the cervix. Some women get even more pleasure from combination orgasms, where two or more of these areas are being stimulated at the same time.
As sex and relationship coaches, the most important lesson we teach women is that every orgasm is a mature orgasm. Whether you get it from your fingers, your partner’s fingers, your partners mouth, your vibrator, or your partner’s pelvis/penis, celebrate and enjoy every second of it!
You are not going to get to any of these great orgasms unless your body and your mind has enough warm up. Check out our recent Huffington Post article 3 Ways to Get Excited to get some warm up tips! In addition, make sure that you ask your partner to kiss, lightly touch, and grab you while whispering adoration or fantasies in your ear.
Your body will not respond well to pressure, so think of your pleasure potential journey as an exploration – instead of trying to reach the goal of having all the different kinds of orgasms, think of it as a way to learn what your body enjoys the most. Let’s put it this way, you can spend the rest of your life wishing you had the “right” kind of orgasms or you can spend it fully enjoying the ones you can actually have. We know which one we would choose!
The easiest way to get a clitoral orgasm is by stimulating the clitoris yourself – usually starting slowly then getting much quicker – with your own fingers or a vibrator. Get a vibrator with multiple settings so you can start light and work your way up to just right! The next best way is to have your partner use their fingers or tongue. You can also get a clitoral orgasm from intercourse – when your partner’s pelvis rubs against the clitoris or the movement in and out pulls the lips of the clitoris across the hood. But for most women this may not be enough to result in orgasm because the stimulation is more intermittent and indirect. If you want to dramatically increase your likelihood of having an orgasm during intercourse use your fingers or your vibrator during the act.
G-Spot orgasms come from pressure and movement across the inside of your vagina right past the urethral sponge. For most people, the best way to find it is to have your partner go inside with their fingers a little past the knuckles and then hook their fingers upwards. For most women the best G-Spot tool is their partner’s fingers – fingers are both sensitive and skillful. When your partner uses their fingers, while you direct them and give them feedback, they can moderate the location, pressure and speed of their touch – all very important for your ability to get a G-Spot orgasm.
If you try stimulating the G-Spot and don’t feel much at the first few times don’t give up. It takes time and repetition to awaken and sensitize the G-Spot. Also the G-Spot can generally take more pressure than most folks think, so invite harder, faster pressure and see how it feels. G-Spot sensation can be very intense and unfamiliar at first and might make you feel like you have to go to the bathroom, but you don’t! G-Spot pressure can lead to female ejaculation – yes ladies, it is a real thing! Try to stay with the intensity and add some clitoral stimulation or warm up with a clitoral orgasm before your partner uses their fingers on your G-Spot.
Cervical orgasms come from stimulation on your cervix – the opening of your uterus – located deep inside your vagina. The best tools for the cervix are a penis, a toy, or long fingers. Some women have a very sensitive cervix and can only take very light pressure while others like very hard pressure. The cervix is also a great candidate for combination orgasms: try giving yourself some clitoral touch or vibrations at the same time as your cervix is stimulated.
We hope you will continue to find out all about your body and how it works so you can have the most pleasurable sex life possible!