Celeste & Danielle Offer Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

How Performance Anxiety Works

While it is well-known that ED can be caused by anxiety, most believe that this anxiety is all about performance – and yes, some of it is. It is not surprising that a lot of men experience performance anxiety since boys are socialized around having to prove they are always capable and competent. If you want to get all of the information we have on psychological ED in one place, download and listen to our Face Your Erectile Dysfunction Now! Teleclass.

The Negative Erection Cycle

Once men experience a couple of erection failures, they begin to lose confidence in themselves, which leads to performance anxiety. What men don’t realize is that it is quite common, especially as they age, that erections are likely to come and go and not always be there exactly when you want them too.

Men put a tremendous amount of pressure on their bodies to always perform perfectly. Long before intercourse even begins, at the first thought that it might be time to have sex, men become anxious and worried that they will not be able to get hard or stay hard. This anxiety constricts the blood vessels and keeps men in their minds and disconnected from their bodies, making it much more likely for ED to continue.

Take the Pressure Off

You can take pressure off your cock by understanding what women really want from sex and learning how to drive your woman wild before you even take your pants off. To put it simply, what women really want from sex is an emotional experience. Women have sex to feel something! (To find out how to make them feel it all, check out the Cockfidence Workshop or Cockfidence Book). They want to feel your desire and they want to feel you are fully present.

If you lose your erection and then feel guilty or ashamed you will likely distance from your partner and she may feel left alone or abandoned. Instead, if you really make her feel something and give her and her body all the attention it needs, she will be laying there, a puddle of post-orgasmic bliss, with much less concern if sometimes you have an erection and sometimes you don’t. This way, you can take the pressure off of your cock as you continue to pursue better mastery.

Pursue Better Mastery

You can directly confront the cycle of anxiety with a few simple steps:

Notice sensations

Notice sensations in your body. Where is it feeling tight? Where is it feeling relaxed? Can you feel your arms and legs? Is there tightness in your chest or stomach?


Practice Sexual Embodiment Breath (which can be found in Cockfidnece or on our Master Your Ejaculation Teleclass) Allow your body to unclench. Breathe directly into any parts that feel tight and imagine them releasing and relaxing with the breath.


Relax your mind. One way to do this is by giving yourself calming messages that help you unclench your body and let go of destructive and anxiety perpetuating thoughts. Instead of paying attention to what might be wrong, notice what is happening in your body with curiosity, not judgment. Try giving yourself positive messages around your body and pleasure like, “My body can give and receive pleasure just as it is” and “It feels good to touch and be touched.”

Connect with Pleasure

Connect with pleasurable sensations. Often, when you begin struggling with ED, you lose connection with the extraordinary pleasure sex can (and possibly once did) offer you. Continue breathing deeply and using the breath to connect you with any sensations in your body that feel arousing, erotic, sensual or pleasurable. Bring your mind into connection with your body by saying, “I can feel pleasure in my __________ (fill in the blank, i.e., hands, stomach).” Continue to relax and connect with that sensation. Focusing back toward pleasure can really help turn the tides of performance anxiety.

Countless men suffer from psychological erectile dysfunction (or ED) – an inability to get or maintain an erection. While many drugs, such as Viagra and Cialis, are available to mask the symptoms, they do not deal with the underlying causes of ED. This means that for many men, these drugs are not an effective solution – and particularly for those who have medical conditions that prohibit the use of performance-enhancing drugs. Also, there are some men wanting to fix ED, but simply do not want to be reliant on a drug.


Psychological Erectile Dysfunction Causes

One way to figure out if you are dealing with psychological ED is to determine if the symptom is showing up across your sexual interactions. In other words – if you feel comfortable, relaxed and have perfectly normal erections during masturbation but cannot get them with a partner, you are likely dealing with psychological ED. If you are having ED in all situations, even masturbation, make sure you get checked out by a physician, as it can be a sign of heart disease.

We have found in our practice that psychological erectile dysfunction has at least three different underlying root causes:

  • performance anxiety
  • impulse control (too much, not too little)
  • a functional response to a dysfunctional situation (where you have good reason NOT to be having sex with a person – and your penis knows better than you)


What Type Of Erectile Dysfunction Solutions Are Available?

While we are not against drugs as one possible pathway to greater confidence, we believe starting with more natural, holistic solutions should be first. We work with many men who deal with erectile dysfunction and want you to know that for many of you, there are alternative solutions, especially when the root of erectile dysfunction is psychological as opposed to physiological.

We are offering a short series of articles, explaining each of the causes of erectile dysfunction and how to deal with them. It is possible you are dealing with two or all three of the underlying causes at once. We believe you are the expert on your own life and sexual health – but we hope these articles will help you determine which underlying causes of ED feel like they most apply to you.

In our first installment, we will tell you about how you can fix erectile dysfunction by overcoming performance anxiety.

In our second installment, we will explain why too much sexual impulse control short-circuits your body’s natural arousal mechanisms and how to get back in touch with and follow your instincts.

Our third piece talks about how your little brain can sometimes be smarter than you and how to start listening and taking seriously what it says!

And finally – peruse our bevvy of informative articles on the subject of erectile dysfunction to help guide and enlighten you.


Erectile Dysfunction Help

Still feel like you need more help with erectile dysfunction issues? We are here for you!

This audio class will help you understand the underlying causes of Psychological Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and learn the most effective approaches used by thousands of good lovers.

We also want you to know that we are very accessible, supportive and will talk openly with you to answer all of your questions. To give you the support you need, we are happy to take the time to chat with you and find you the right sex therapy practitioner so you can have the sex and relationship you want and deserve.

Contact us for a free 15 minutes private consultation!