Sex and Relationship Coaching for a Passionate, Connected and Fulfilling Life

Monogamy: Just One Item On The Menu?

The article When Monogamy Is a Cop-Out: Why Follow Society’s Rules About Sex? touches on some interesting points about choices we make in our relationships. Aside from the oversimplification around who might be interested in non-monogamy (there’s more to it than that men want to spread their seed and women want to make nests as has been noted in studies of our fellow primates, for example female chimpanzees have sex with multiple partners during ovulation in order to ensure that there will be many fathers interested in caring for their young), we really like this article. Monogamy does seem to be the default for most couples and, when offered the choice of non-monogamy, most people say, “But, does that really ever work?” The truth is, sometimes monogamy works and sometimes it doesn’t (50% of marriages end in divorce) and sometimes open relationships work and sometimes they don’t. As a default, monogamy can lead to resentment, a feeling of being trapped, and a lack of communication around each persons desires. Often those in relationship say nothing to a partner about what they desire, shielding these vulnerabilities behind the ideal of monogamy, instead of asking for what they want so as to avoid their partners fears or disapproval. We encourage everyone – from those in their 50th year in marriage to those dating – to approach monogamy as just one of the items on the menu, not as the only thing possible. It might be what you end up choosing, and then you can feel great about it!

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