Oh The Places Your Senses Will Take You
We got this in response to our blog post on the 5 senses and just had to share this reader’s beautiful experience with you:
Dear Celeste and Danielle, it has been a while since I took your workshops and I wanted to let you know that I have had breakthroughs from what I’ve learned directly from you and the path that I have followed since that time has been a result of the two days that I’ve spent with the both of you. You’ll be happy to know that the men’s circle that I run here in LA was tasked with reading your book. Your lessons have exceeded your reach.
The reason I didn’t post this response directly to your blog is because I want to remain anonymous on this because if the people at the meditation center I attend discover this post I might not be so welcome, not because I did anything wrong but because I have asked a teacher about these experiences and he became very uneasy. He stated that this practice should not be used for “sensory games of pleasure” but even as a teacher he was clearly blocked due to his own ego and judgment.
As a practice meditation has been a powerful force in my sexual development. During my first 10 day silent meditation I became acutely aware of my sexual energy. Around the third day I felt what was my normal state of turn-on that was usually restricted to around my lower two chakras and would only last while my mind was engaged in sexual arousal. By day five, every fiber of my being was vibrating with it. I experienced it at a cellular level. It was the most incredible sensation I have ever felt and it only got more intense and was even more beautiful as the days continued on. By day eight it simply WAS. I had no judgment of it and I experienced it as the purest form of love I have ever felt. The water running over my body in the shower caressed my skin. The dirt path beneath my feet came alive as I felt every twig and branch that passed beneath my foot. The simple vegetarian meals that were lovingly prepared for us by the volunteers became magnificent feasts. The smell and juice of a crisp apple had so much complexity it was like smelling a flower and drinking a delicious glass of wine combined.
Besides being a silent meditation the men and women were separated for the practical purposes of the practice. We’d sit together but separate. Men were seated on the right and women on the left in the dharma hall for meditation and instruction. I noticed a strikingly lovely woman on day four as she entered the hall. She had skin like cafe au lait and the body of a dancer. I knew it was a distraction from my practice but I watched as she adjusted her pillows for her morning meditation. She stopped completely. She turned and without hesitation locked eyes with me for the briefest of moments. That moment had me shudder to my core. I was able to maintain the integrity of my practice for the remainder of the course. We are to behave as if we are completely alone or as much as is possible amongst a hundred other practitioners. It makes sense within the context and I was okay with it.
At the closing ceremony we were able to speak with one another and I discovered that I was not alone in my experience of intense sensation. Many of the men were feeling this sensation of turn-on too including a 71 year old doctor from Mumbai India. I had forgotten I had put my name on a ride share list. The woman I had locked eyes with approached me as I enjoyed a cup of tea under a bougainvillea covered awning. She asked me for a ride back to LA with the tiniest of smiles. She had deep soulful eyes that I sensed had seen far too much pain in her young life. I agreed and we met the following morning after we all said our goodbyes and assisted in clean up of the center.
The ride back was the most intense sensual driving experience I have ever had. The warm California breeze was scented in turns by avocado, pears, and even the cattle of the massive feed lots off the 5 freeway. Our conversation was completely open and without guile. I felt no need to be clever nor desire to be impressive. We had entered this deeper subspace where at times even our silences led to the most incredible achingly beautiful sexual tension. Our egos were silent and along for the ride as if they were passengers who fell asleep in the scorching September sun.
On parting we exchanged numbers and said we’d promise to stay in touch. I could feel society’s heal on the back of my neck already. I chalked it up to another too good to be true experience but I wanted to see if there was more available for us both. She beat me to the telephone. The next day she contacted me. She admitted that she was more aloof than she wanted to be when we parted company. Without getting into it her very private reasons for being guarded, I agreed to meet with her.
In the course of our brief relationship I felt an intimacy that was rare in my experience. I felt no desire to perform only a desire to enjoy our what we were doing. Nothing mattered not the heat or any of our perceived physical flaws. All that mattered was her incredible smell, the taste of her, her lips on my neck, the sound of our breath together. Even though societal and egoic interests eventually encroached on us both like an army of ants at a picnic, I have an incredible fondness for her and that moment in time that will never be duplicated but always appreciated. It has changed me as a lover and a man forever.
The body holds such great wisdom. and I wanted to point out to everyone reading this that meditation can be a powerful conduit to deep sensual experiences. It is not just for shaved headed monks behind monastery walls. Maybe this is why those men and women stay committed to monastic life, they want to remain in that profound love space. It is true that societal pressure is unsupportive of this loving sexy space. I however live here amongst you all and will continue to grow and remain connected to you all as best I can. Some days are better than others.
Best regards and thanks for all you do,
PS: another woman I have ride shared with admitted to me on our drive back that she could hear all the women in her dormitory room quietly masturbating nightly by the end of day three of the practice. 🙂