We love involving more and more of the whole body in a sexual experience, as this article suggests, and when you engage your senses everywhere you go, like can be one big sexy adventure. Embodiment through sensual engagement is not just a foundation for the work that we do in sessions, but ultimately for everything we do out in the world. Eating ice cream or watching leaves ripple on a tree on a windy day can be extremely arousing and sexy, especially when you allow all of your senses to feed into and connect with your sexual desire.
Enhancing Your Sexual Experiences through Your Five Senses
October 13th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
How Do You Stay Sexual When You Have No Energy for Sex?
October 11th, 2011 § 1 comment § permalink
Cory Silverberg’s fantastic article combats more than just fatigue, it is for anyone where sex has waned in their relationship. Acknowledgment, acceptance, focusing on sex beyond just intercourse, and focusing on desire are all things we champion as Somatica practitioners and we’re really happy to see them here. Embodiment is not just for times when you are at your peak – it is something to experience all the time, staying connected with yourself, acknowledging what you are capable of, and communicating your feelings, desires and capacities with your partner.
Why Relationships Fail and What You Can Do!
October 6th, 2011 § 2 comments § permalink
Whether you are in a relationship or in the process of looking for a relationship that really works for you, it is important to know why they fail and what you can do about it! There are many reasons why relationships fail, from being in the vortex and activating each other’s old wounds to following social habits and learning that cause us to hide our true selves. At the end of the day, we see some very harmful patterns between men and women that cause relationships to melt down. For women, often relationships fail because you don’t know what it is you really want from your partner or, if you do, you don’t ask clearly. If this goes on long enough, you end up resentful and frustrated and take it out on your partner. For men, often relationships fail because you are trying to pretend to be something you are not, the perfect boyfriend, husband, father or man, instead of admitting your true needs and your own challenges. If this goes on long enough, you end up defensive and are driven to get your needs met elsewhere. While some women have a more male approach and some men have a more female approach, these destructive patterns usually are the ruination of relationships. Women, we have created The Relationship You Want workshop coming up this month, which will help you get in touch with your own desires, explore any negative patterns and habits you have that are relationship killers and make the commitment to clearly and honestly share your needs in a constructive way. We will help you overcome any fears you have about doing so! Men, it is time to get really honest with yourself and with your partner – what makes you excited and passionate in your life, what are your struggles – it is time to start sharing all of this, even if there are things you think your partner may not want to hear. It is also important to learn how to share constructively! A great way to start is by reading Cockfidence and then attending our next Cockfidence Workshop. Men, Women and Couples, your relationships and your sex lives can improve exponentially by doing some in-person Somatica Therapy and Coaching for Couples, Women and Men.
Sensuality: The 9th Quality of the Exraordinary Lover
October 4th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
As all good things must come to an end, here is the final excerpt of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”. Chapter 9 is about sensuality, sexual connection, and slowing things down. If you enjoyed these small teasers of our book you can find the full version here. Enjoy!
— Quality 9 – Sensuality —
Sensuality is an approach to sexual connection that utilizes all the senses: sight, touch, taste, smell, and hearing. Sensuality is indicated by a willingness to go slow, give varied touch, and enjoy the stimulation of all of your and your partner’s senses in a sexual experience. It is predicated on the ability to focus on each delectable moment of a sexual interaction and to let go of orgasm as the only or ultimate goal of sex. When women describe their best sexual experiences, they almost always express detailed descriptions of sensual acts such as kissing, touching or being looked at with desire. When you bring sensuality to a woman, you are catering to her body’s longings.
Women’s capacity for pleasure and orgasms is endless. While this sounds very promising, these possibilities can bring up performance anxiety for many women who worry that they need to have every type of orgasm and be able to ejaculate, etc. Women also fear that they take too long; while men are often trying to hold off on their orgasms as long as possible, women are generally rushing to the finish.
Women worry that men won’t appreciate them as sexual partners if they don’t have orgasms the way they think men want them to (i.e., during intercourse or without a vibrator) or quickly enough. Throughout history women suffered from sexual oppression and limitation around their orgasms; they were told that something was wrong with them if they couldn’t have what Freud referred to as “vaginal orgasms” and that clitoral orgasms were “immature.” We invite you to celebrate women for their full potential without putting pressure on them to prove that they can do it all. The pressure merely leads to women faking orgasms, making it even less likely that you learn how to give her pleasure and orgasm. You can support your partner by letting go of the hierarchy of orgasms and appreciating orgasms however and whenever they come in a sexual experience, as well as allowing women to have their choice around orgasm, since some women might not want to orgasm every time they have sex.
The three major types of orgasms – clitoral, G-Spot and cervical – each travel across a different set of nerves and therefore create a different sensation in the body. This also means that women can have combination orgasms, where two or three of the neuropathways are being activated. Next, we will explore how you can best help her reach each of these different types of orgasm…
Leave The Perfume On The Shelf To Attract Mr Right
September 28th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
Recently, we blogged about testosterone levels in men. We talked about the inaccurate and doubtful testing methods, to how environment, age, rest and exercise effects testosterone levels giving men options on how to can raise testosterone levels naturally. Recently, we came upon this really interesting study for men that shows that breathing in women’s natural scent can be another fantastic way to raise your “T” levels. Take note women, leaving the perfume and the deodorant on the shelf may be the most effective way to attract the right man.
Cockfidence Quality 8: Spontaneity
September 27th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in Cockfidence, our book for men. This book holds the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually. Spontaneity, (or the combination of Creativity and Flexibility) is the eight quality and the eight chapter – here is a small taste:
— Chapter 8 – Spontaneity (Creativity + Flexibility) —
You may also fear that bringing passionate energy will overwhelm a woman as though women are delicate and easily broken. This could cause you to hold back your passion, especially if you feel that you have too much or that it will not be received. On the contrary, most women’s bodies are strong enough to receive all the passion you have in your body for her and more. She may be surprised by it at first, which is why it takes confidence to stay with the feeling and not allow her embarrassment or surprise to pull you both out of it. Instead, with your passionate look and your focused confidence, you pull her into the hottest experiences you have ever had.
Passionate Words
Passion has to do with immediacy, intensity of desire, animalistic need, uncontrollable urges, and overwhelming feelings. Examples include:
- Talking about how she brings out the animal in you: “I could eat you alive right now.”
- Sharing the intensity of your physical need: “I can’t wait to be inside you.”
- Telling her how strongly you feel about her: “When you are near me, my heart feels like it is going to explode.”
- Talking about how her pleasure and her body delights you: “When I feel you come, energy shoots through my whole body; I could spend hours just licking and tasting you.”
Passionate Gestures
- Throwing her up against a wall on a walk or at home and kissing and touching her passionately. (It can be great to do this in public sometimes as long as she is open to it; it means you can’t wait until you have her alone, you have to have her right now.)
- Looking at her with an intensity of desire in your eyes like you can’t hold back any longer.
- Shouting out your window, “I’m with the sexiest woman in the world and I want everyone to know it!”
- Having a lovemaking session where you make sure that you kiss, lick, bite, smell or suck every inch of her body. Make sure you suck on her toes and fingers and don’t miss a single spot!
Become Comfortable With Nudity Through Foreplay
September 21st, 2011 § 9 comments § permalink
As Somatica practitioners, we applaud this note on how foreplay, touch and nudity all tie into body image and great sex.
The only gripe we have is that we don’t love the separation between “foreplay” and sex – foreplay is some of the best sex folks have because it helps with arousal, connection, intimacy and trust, and is often where women have the majority of their orgasms. When you take the time to touch your partner, your message in that touch is “I desire you” and they receive the message “I am desirable”. Sensual and sexual touch (whether passionately firm and hard or romantically slow and soft) delivers a message of desire and body image issues can be softened with an embodied “letting in” of your partner’s loving, desiring touch on your naked body.
Cockfidence Chapter 7: Curiosity
September 20th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in our book for men. This book holds the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually. Curiosity is the seventh quality and the seventh chapter – here is a small taste:
— Chapter 7 – Curiosity —
Often, when a man enters into an experience with a particular woman, he can attempt to avoid any perceived “negative” experiences and skirt around any challenges. This can result in the man being very outcome-driven, self-critical, judgmental or fearful,. This approach hinders the natural flow of energy between two people, and makes it much more likely that an interaction will end up feeling difficult, stilted and unsatisfactory.
A much more comfortable place from which to approach women – and the world in general – is from a place of curiosity. Curiosity is a way of looking at each new experience from a receptive, open place, without judgment or any sense of what the outcome might be. You just feel an experience in the moment. Taking this approach gives you an opportunity to see what you can learn about yourself and the women in your life.
This state of open curiosity need not only apply when you are connecting with a woman for the first time, but can be an ongoing approach. The beauty of curiosity is that it allows for the natural joys and challenges that happen over time between two people. An ongoing state of curiosity also acknowledges that either you or the woman you are interacting with can and will change over time. So often in relationships a desire to control the unknown leads to stagnation and boredom. An attitude of curiosity joyfully invites the unknown, making room for ongoing growth, excitement and passion between you and your partner.
In this chapter, we offer you information about women that might help you better understand their different psychology and biology. This information is general information that is true about most women. While we offer generalizations, make sure to stay curious about the unique ways that these show up in your partner.
The Kids Are Alright: Five Reason Our Sexuality Is Better Than Past Generations
September 16th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
Reading this Nerve.com article on the Five Reasons We’re Having Better Sex Than Our Parents we got to thinking about this generation’s sex life compared to ours, our parents’ or even grandparents’. We are hoping twenty-somethings haven’t faced the same kind of sexual double standards (which harm both men’s and women’s sexual self-expression) that most of us faced growing up and that they have a chance to explore more openly with less guilt and shame. To these five reasons, we would add that there is infinitely more information available out there online and in the book stores to help people learn more about who they are sexually. We also believe that people are now taking account of the importance of sexual communication and compatibility when making choices about who to date and marry. What would you add to the list?
Increase of the Use of Sex Surrogates in Women
September 14th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink
This is a great and very balanced article on sex surrogacy recently published by CBS News. We have found that a very small subset of our clients need sex surrogates, but that most of our client are able to benefit greatly from the level of practical, experiential sex coaching we provide. Both women and men can overcome sexual dysfunction and expand their sexual horizons through the Somatica Method and we have also helped folks evaluate if a surrogate is the right way to go for them!