Exposed

Each week, we post on our blog a portion of a chapter in our upcoming book for men, Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild. Cockfidence shares the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually.  Sensuality is the ninth quality and the ninth chapter – here is a small taste:

— Chapter 9 – Sensuality —

G-Spot Orgasms:

Some people say that women reach their sexual peak at 40. While this is not hormonally accurate, we believe this might be particularly true for women who discover G-Spot pleasure later in life. G-Spot stimulation can add a whole new level of pleasure to your partner’s sex life, substantially increasing her orgasmic potential.

The most important piece of information that you and your partner need to know about the G-Spot is that its capacity for sensation develops throughout a woman’s lifetime. Some women believe that they don’t have a G-Spot because, when the area is touched, they don’t feel immediate sensation or arousal. They may even feel some irritation. This just means that the G-Spot has not yet been developed to its full potential. To awaken the G-Spot, you need to massage it and give it focused stimulation over time.

For a small percentage of women, the G-Spot develops early and is naturally where they feel a lot of sensation. However, for many women, the G-Spot has not yet been developed and it can take weeks or sometimes even a year of consistent stimulation for a woman to feel pleasure from it. Unfortunately, because many women have been told that the G-Spot is a myth, when they feel numbness or irritation from G-Spot stimulation, they give up and don’t explore the potential pleasure that is there for them.

Here we will detail locating and massaging techniques for the G-Spot, and bringing your partner’s entire body along for the ride….

We just answered a message we found on a Men’s Health blog and wanted to share it with you.

Q: My wife and I want to spice things up, but she says she doesn’t have any fantasies she wants to fulfill. Is that possible?

A: We have found that women often freeze up in response to questions about fantasies. In answer to your question about how to spice up your sex life and find out more about women’s fantasies we’d like to offer you an excerpt from our upcoming book – Cockfidence – “Each woman has her own ideal seduction ‘movie’ – an assortment of thoughts about the kind of seduction that she wants to experience with her partner. Many women have daydreams about how they want their relationships with men to look, and what kinds of looks, words, acts, and gestures would fill their hearts and wet their pussies, but they often don’t identify these thoughts as fantasies because they are not overtly sexual. This is especially true for women whose ideal seduction fantasy is Romantic.”

Women’s fantasies of seduction generally fall into one or a combination of 3 categories – Romantic, Passionate, and Dominant – which we cover in depth in the upcoming book. To get a better answer to your question about your partner’s fantasy, try asking a woman what her perfect date would look like from beginning to end – this should give you plenty of hints into her ideal seduction.

We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in our upcoming book for men. This book holds the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually.  Spontaneity, (or the combination of  creativity and Flexibility) is the eight quality and the eight chapter – here is a small taste:

— Chapter 8 – Spontaneity —

Nothing captures the idea of the passionate seduction more than the passionate kiss, depicted in so many movies by this time it might look cliché to you, but it doesn’t look or feel cliché to woman. It is important to begin with a passionate look, letting all of the animalistic desire come in to yours eyes and hold it before jumping right into a kiss. If you go too quickly to the kiss, you don’t allow any tension and excitement to build. When you wait, you allow yourself and her to build into a frenzy of desire where you can’t rip each other’s clothes off fast enough. Make sure you aren’t spilling your passion all over her; at the beginning, hold it in your eyes, and invite her energy to come to you. When you feel she is locked in, then set your inner animal free.

There are some common pitfalls with passion. You may fear that desiring women in this way is objectifying and that she will feel like you only want her for sex. On the contrary, being desired intensely is one of the most common fantasies women have. At the same time, she also wants to know that you are connected to her. You do this by bringing in eye contact, saying her name passionately, or commenting specifically on the things that drive you crazy about her.

You may also fear that bringing this kind of energy will overwhelm a woman as though women are delicate and easily broken. This could cause you to hold back your passion, especially if you feel that you have too much or that it will not be received. On the contrary, most women’s bodies are strong enough to receive all the passion you have in your body for her and more. She may be surprised by it at first, which is why it takes confidence to stay with the feeling and not allow her embarrassment or surprise to pull you both out of it. Instead, with your passionate look and your focused confidence, you pull her into the hottest experiences you have ever had.

While conservatives often deny their need for sexual variety, it  turns out that the states that are full of folks claiming  “I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage” are the same states that purchase the most porn. New research published in the Journal of Economic Perspectives shows that those states whose residents vote more conservatively and support such statements as “AIDS might be God’s punishment for immoral sexual behavior” actually purchase slightly more porn than more liberally voting states. Sex is one of our most basic and natural drives, and sexual repression and sex negativity sends our desires underground where they are bound to come out many ways. In light of this recent research, we want to reach out to everyone, regardless of your values, your politics or your sexual practices; we are here to support you in embracing your sexual desire and finding your fullest, most healthy expression of it.

We are so tired of the phrase “sexual dysfunction,” particularly when it is used to describe women who have not yet experienced their first orgasm. Here’s what we want you to know: you are not broken and you are not alone! Both women’s and men’s sexuality are truly extraordinary and multi-faceted and so often they are simply boiled down to whether or not we can come, how often and with what kinds of stimulation (i.e. with a vibrator or without a vibrator – for more on this check out our vibe blog). Yet, this is just one small part of our potential sexual joy and our sensuality. When we focus on it as a problem that needs to be fixed, we begin to lose the truth of ourselves, that, at our core, all women are sensuous goddesses whose bodies can experience sensation and pleasure and whose hearts can experience passion and connection. There are ways to learn to orgasm and we help many women have their first orgasm, however, this process begins with a return to your own desires, and a return to the knowledge that you are already a perfect, luscious and yes, sexual being with or without this particular set of muscle spasms.

In honor of the Giants winning the World Series (yay Giants!), we figured we’d offer a few brief words about sex and baseball. Baseball, like every other sport or physical activity, takes a certain kind of body-based learning. Do you think that the first time Renteria picked up a bat, he hit a home run? No way. And, as with baseball and any type of embodied learning, being a great lover takes more than just practice, it also takes a great coach! ;-) Let’s stay with the home run metaphor for a minute. Technique is very important, but there’s so much more – just having a great swing still won’t get you a home run. There’s having the desire, the confidence and the passion to do it, there’s knowing and playing by the rules, picking up on the pitcher’s pitches, and feeling into your own body and knowing what you are capable of. Much of the information out there on being a great lover is so limited to technique, however, that you might learn the perfect swing but will never get yourself a big-league at-bat to show it off. If you really want your lover to have unforgettable experiences with you over and over, you gotta bring all of yourself – desire in your eyes, confidence in your hands, connection with your passion and intention in your kiss. You have to read your lover’s cues, and be connected with them. Don’t just settle for a great swing – be the best player.  We’re here if you need us, we want to be your Bruce Bochy of Sex.

Picking up women can be a real challenge, and men are trying to figure out what to say – as if finding the right topic will be like a magic pill helping both you and she relax. However, studies have shown that it matters very little what you say, just initiating a talk puts you way above the pack. But we also wanted to expand on this and give you a simple tool to really help you draw women in. The idea is to “contact” her emotions or the emotional content of what she is saying.

The steps are simple, but may not be easy :-) especially if you are not used to paying attention to (or registering) what the emotions that are going on in another person. Here they are:

1) Breathe down and connect with your body
2) Notice what you are feeling (happy, tired, excited, sad, anxious, etc.), giving it room and allowing it to be there. The more you are in touch with yourself and your emotions, the more you can read hers.
3) Begin a conversation with a woman. You might invite her in some way to talk about things of interest to her, “So what are you passionate about?” or “What get’s you out of bed in the morning,” or “Where’s your favorite place to play in this city?”
4) Once she begins to share any stories about her life, goals, experiences, notice how she feels about what she is sharing and comment on it, “Sounds, exciting,” “That really moves you, huh?”, “Kinda depressing, right?”.

This way she knows you are not only listening to her story, you are competent in the emotional realm. If you don’t have a lot of emotional words to choose from, try googling emotion words, there are tons of great lists out there and knowing them might just help you express yourself in more exciting and interesting ways as well.

Good luck out there!

We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in our upcoming book for men. This book holds the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually.  Curiosity is the seventh quality and the seventh chapter – here is a small taste:

— Chapter 7 – Curiosity —

Often, when a man enters into an experience with a particular woman, he can attempt to avoid any perceived “negative” experiences and skirt around any challenges. This can result in the man being very outcome-driven, self-critical, judgmental or fearful,.  This approach hinders the natural flow of energy between two people, and makes it much more likely that an interaction will end up feeling difficult, stilted and unsatisfactory.

A much more comfortable place from which to approach women – and the world in general – is from a place of curiosity. Curiosity is a way of looking at each new experience from a receptive, open place, without judgment or any sense of what the outcome might be. You just feel an experience in the moment. Taking this approach gives you an opportunity to see what you can learn about yourself and the women in your life.

This state of open curiosity need not only apply when you are connecting with a woman for the first time, but can be an ongoing approach. The beauty of curiosity is that it allows for the natural joys and challenges that happen over time between two people. An ongoing state of curiosity also acknowledges that either you or the woman you are interacting with can and will change over time. So often in relationships a desire to control the unknown leads to stagnation and boredom. An attitude of curiosity joyfully invites the unknown, making room for ongoing growth, excitement and passion between you and your partner.
In this chapter, we offer you information about women that might help you better understand their different psychology and biology. This information is general information that is true about most women. While we offer generalizations, make sure to stay curious about the unique ways that these show up in your partner.

We recently received a great question from Nick, who was interested in issues around the smells and tastes that come up with Oral Sex. We know this is a common issue and though we’d post the answer for everyone to share and discuss!

Nick Writes:

“I’m hoping you might be able to provide some advice on a sensitive issue – do you have any quick tips for men to learn how to enjoy giving oral sex to women, or can you point me to any self-study resources? I’ve never really liked it. I know this is horrible to say, but it’s generally a fear of the feel and smell. (I’m a very picky eater when it comes to food, avoiding those foods with weird textures or smells, and I think that extends to the human body. I just don’t like putting strange things in my mouth…)

“Part of the problem, too, is that I’ve been trained via porn to expect a certain ideal appearance down there, even though I know that porn bodies aren’t real bodies…

“If you have some tips or can point me in a direction, it would be appreciated!”

–

Our answer:  Dear Nick,

I know it can be challenging when you are very particular about tastes, smells and sights to really get into the joys that giving a woman oral sex can bring. A few ideas:

1) Buy a book (or find a similar online source) that has pictures of a wide variety of vaginas and try masturbating to different types, especially those that you are less used to or comfortable with. You might use some other types of arousing images and then intersperse images of different kinds of vaginas in while you are masturbating,
2) Ask if she could shower before you have sex.
3) Put something flavorful that you like on her pussy before having oral sex. Kama Sutra makes a great powdered product called “honey dust”. Avoid other flavored sex products, most of them are quite terrible. If you use something sugary, make sure she washes thoroughly after, especially inside her vagina so she doesn’t get a yeast infection. (Another note – strawberries have tiny seeds that break off easily – not something you notice in your mouth but something to avoid for the vagina!)

We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in our upcoming book, in which we write about the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually.  Empathy is the sixth quality and the sixth chapter – here is a brief excerpt:

— Chapter 6 – Empathy —

Your ability to empathize has a huge bearing on your sex life, and particularly on whether you are going to get sex, how often, and how good the sex will be. When you tune into your own emotions by feeling the sensations in your body, you will begin not only to feel when a woman desires you, but specifically what her body wants in sexual and intimate situations. Imagine your body is an antennae for her feelings – you can’t be in her body, but you can listen to her through your own.

Men are often taught to distance from their own emotions in order to appear strong. Distancing from your own emotions, however, decreases your sense of empathy, making it more difficult for you to read a woman’s emotions, including sexual desires and cues. By fully connecting with your own body and your emotions, you can stop intellectualizing emotions and start feeling them; instead of thinking about what your partner is feeling, you actually feel it.

Embodied empathy also sensitizes your radar towards her more difficult emotions such as sadness and anger, allowing you to catch early warnings signs. This helps interrupt the escalation of drama and fights. With a little bit of practice, you can enhance your embodied empathy increasing your likelihood to have more great sex and less drama.