Exposed

Recently, we blogged about testosterone levels in men. We talked about the inaccurate and doubtful testing methods, to how environment, age, rest and exercise effects testosterone levels giving men options on how to can raise testosterone levels naturally. Recently, we came upon this really interesting study for men that shows that breathing in women’s natural scent can be another fantastic way to raise your “T” levels. Take note women, leaving the perfume and the deodorant on the shelf may be the most effective way to attract the right man.

We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in Cockfidence, our book for men. This book holds the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually.  Spontaneity, (or the combination of  Creativity and Flexibility) is the eight quality and the eight chapter – here is a small taste:

— Chapter 8 – Spontaneity (Creativity + Flexibility) —

You may also fear that bringing passionate energy will overwhelm a woman as though women are delicate and easily broken. This could cause you to hold back your passion, especially if you feel that you have too much or that it will not be received. On the contrary, most women’s bodies are strong enough to receive all the passion you have in your body for her and more. She may be surprised by it at first, which is why it takes confidence to stay with the feeling and not allow her embarrassment or surprise to pull you both out of it. Instead, with your passionate look and your focused confidence, you pull her into the hottest experiences you have ever had.

Passionate Words
Passion has to do with immediacy, intensity of desire, animalistic need, uncontrollable urges, and overwhelming feelings. Examples include:

• Talking about how she brings out the animal in you: “I could eat you alive right now.”
• Sharing the intensity of your physical need: “I can’t wait to be inside you.”
• Telling her how strongly you feel about her: “When you are near me, my heart feels like it is going to explode.”
• Talking about how her pleasure and her body delights you: “When I feel you come, energy shoots through my whole body; I could spend hours just licking and tasting you.”

Passionate Gestures

• Throwing her up against a wall on a walk or at home and kissing and touching her passionately. (It can be great to do this in public sometimes as long as she is open to it; it means you can’t wait until you have her alone, you have to have her right now.)
• Looking at her with an intensity of desire in your eyes like you can’t hold back any longer.
• Shouting out your window, “I’m with the sexiest woman in the world and I want everyone to know it!”
• Having a lovemaking session where you make sure that you kiss, lick, bite, smell or suck every inch of her body. Make sure you suck on her toes and fingers and don’t miss a single spot!

Most people avoid difficult topics when dating, instead trying to market themselves like a product and sharing only information that makes them seem interesting, fun, sexy or sweet. We have worked with so many folks out in the dating world who feel a sense of extreme pressure not to show any of their challenges and a feeling that they are not being fully themselves or honest out in the dating world, making dating less than fun. Some folks, however, don’t have the choice of waiting to share about difficult topics. For example, it is important to share with a partner if you have an STD like herpes or a mental health issue such as depression and you can’t easily hide it if you are dealing with erectile dysfunction. We suggest that you don’t avoid difficult topics when dating. This is not to say that you spend your whole first dinner talking about everything that is wrong with you, we just suggest that, instead of marketing yourself like a product, and hoping you will get chosen, remember that everyone has problems or issues of their own and, by brining yours up, you are increasing your chances for intimacy and a foundation of honesty if you decide to move into a relationship. When thinking about bringing up your own challenges, remember that you are not alone – whoever you are dating has problems and issues of their own, whether or not they are apparent in your first few months of dating. Their problems may be different from yours or similar, but when you bring up your own personal challenges, you invite others more deeply into your world increasing and give them the opportunity to share their own challenges with you. If you find that someone still wants to pretend that they are perfect once you start revealing your feelings and experiences, this, in and of itself can be a red flag, because it is quite difficult to date someone who is unable to admit that they have any of their own fears, hurts or challenges. When sharing about any challenges, we encourage you to share you feelings and experiences instead of just the labels. If we stay with the depression example, instead of saying, “I’m depressed or I’m on anti-depressants,” try sharing what it feels like. For example, you might say, “I am dealing with depression, which means that sometimes I go through cycles where I am sad for a while or I don’t feel like getting out of bed” or “Throughout my life, I’ve had periods of depression, I’m taking anti-depressants now and they help a lot but I still go through times when things effect me more than others.” You might also tell whomever you are with what how you’d like them to respond when your challenge arises and reassure them that you are not going to blame them. In the case of depression, you might say, for example, that you’d like to be able to share your feelings during these times without the person you are seeing feeling like he or she has to do anything about it or fix it. Or, in the case of erectile dysfunction, you might share feelings like, “It is definitely frustrating sometimes, but when I focus on connecting with you I feel much more relaxed and still can get a lot of enjoyment out of it.” You might also let them know that it doesn’t mean that you aren’t attracted to them. In short, we encourage people to allow intimacy to unfold by sharing all the different side of who you are and making room for other’s humanness as well!!!

Here is one more chapter except of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.

— Quality 5 – Passion —

To really excite and intrigue any woman, you need to be passionate about more than just her; you need to begin to look at your whole life through passionate eyes. If you are currently living your life based on what you should do instead of what interests or intrigues you, it is time to find your own path that excites and inspires you, and to support the women in your life in finding their passion too. It is possible to bring passion into every part of your life, and a Cockfident man feels passion for his work flowing into passion for his hobbies, flowing into passion for his partner.

Live a Life of Passion

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? As a boy, there were probably many activities and topics you were passionate about and we hope there still are. If, in the time it took to read this last paragraph about passion, you haven’t already identified three things you are passionate about (not including your partner if you have one), then it is time for you to reacquaint yourself with your passionate side. Your sense of freedom and power rests on your ability to enjoy your own life and give your gift to the world. There is nothing more attractive than someone who is willing to follow through with what they truly believe. Notice if you are judging any of your passions as trivial or discounting them. Notice whose voices are in your head naysaying or criticizing. Just for a moment, see if you can suspend the judgmental voice and remember what you are passionate about. You might also think about how your family of origin responded to ideas or desires that inspired you and how they communicated their expectations.

Take some time to ponder or write on the following questions:

• What is a topic that you could talk about for hours without tiring?
• What activities do you do that make you feel more like yourself?
• What are things that you do for your friends or family that make you feel most proud and content?
• What ideas and experiences grab your interest and make your heart beat faster?

Now check what percentage of your life is spent in the pursuit of these activities, ideas and experiences. Is it enough? Only you know the answer to this question, only you can decide what you want your life to look like, and only you can know the right way to live your life.

Dating can be a fun adventure or a big, huge drag – usually it is a combination of the two. Because of the drag part and because most of us would rather be in a relationship than dating, people end up doing something we call “Consoli-Dating”. This means that they go on a couple of crappy coffee dates, finally find someone with whom they feel some chemistry and, before they even begin to get to know one another, decide to be exclusive. In other words, this tiny little sprout of a connection, which has barely begun to grow, suddenly has all the pressures on it of a full-blown relationship. This means two people who don’t even know whether they can survive a weekend trip together are either evaluating whether or not they have the same life goals, values, and child-rearing methods or denying any red flags that might come up because they are already committed.

We suggest you try dating in a way that can let connections grow slowly and organically and without so much pressure. Here are some tips to make dating less of a drag:

1) Make the first date short and non-committal – coffee, tea, a walk, or happy hour or something much more interesting, but still quickly escapable.

2) Don’t Market…Be Yourself – think of a date as seeing how it feels to hang out with someone. This means you actually have to let yourself hang out. Don’t make it a marketing session or an interview, connection is about chemistry not checking off a list of must-haves.

3) Not Working? Say Goodbye – As soon as you know that you don’t like someone that way, gently let them down. You are NEVER doing them a favor if you aren’t interested, you are wasting their time.

4) Most Important – Don’t Consoli-Date. Whether or not you are, most people you are dating are marketing, often for months. This means you might not even begin to see many aspects of who they are for a while. During this time of getting to know them, continue to date other people or at least leave open the option to do so. If you do, you might actually allow a tiny little bud to blossom into something great.

In honor of the Giants winning the World Series (yay Giants!), we figured we’d offer a few brief words about sex and baseball. Baseball, like every other sport or physical activity, takes a certain kind of body-based learning. Do you think that the first time Renteria picked up a bat, he hit a home run? No way. And, as with baseball and any type of embodied learning, being a great lover takes more than just practice, it also takes a great coach! ;-) Let’s stay with the home run metaphor for a minute. Technique is very important, but there’s so much more – just having a great swing still won’t get you a home run. There’s having the desire, the confidence and the passion to do it, there’s knowing and playing by the rules, picking up on the pitcher’s pitches, and feeling into your own body and knowing what you are capable of. Much of the information out there on being a great lover is so limited to technique, however, that you might learn the perfect swing but will never get yourself a big-league at-bat to show it off. If you really want your lover to have unforgettable experiences with you over and over, you gotta bring all of yourself – desire in your eyes, confidence in your hands, connection with your passion and intention in your kiss. You have to read your lover’s cues, and be connected with them. Don’t just settle for a great swing – be the best player.  We’re here if you need us, we want to be your Bruce Bochy of Sex.

Picking up women can be a real challenge, and men are trying to figure out what to say – as if finding the right topic will be like a magic pill helping both you and she relax. However, studies have shown that it matters very little what you say, just initiating a talk puts you way above the pack. But we also wanted to expand on this and give you a simple tool to really help you draw women in. The idea is to “contact” her emotions or the emotional content of what she is saying.

The steps are simple, but may not be easy :-) especially if you are not used to paying attention to (or registering) what the emotions that are going on in another person. Here they are:

1) Breathe down and connect with your body
2) Notice what you are feeling (happy, tired, excited, sad, anxious, etc.), giving it room and allowing it to be there. The more you are in touch with yourself and your emotions, the more you can read hers.
3) Begin a conversation with a woman. You might invite her in some way to talk about things of interest to her, “So what are you passionate about?” or “What get’s you out of bed in the morning,” or “Where’s your favorite place to play in this city?”
4) Once she begins to share any stories about her life, goals, experiences, notice how she feels about what she is sharing and comment on it, “Sounds, exciting,” “That really moves you, huh?”, “Kinda depressing, right?”.

This way she knows you are not only listening to her story, you are competent in the emotional realm. If you don’t have a lot of emotional words to choose from, try googling emotion words, there are tons of great lists out there and knowing them might just help you express yourself in more exciting and interesting ways as well.

Good luck out there!