Exposed

Whether you are in a relationship or in the process of looking for a relationship that really works for you, it is important to know why they fail and what you can do about it! There are many reasons why relationships fail, from being in the vortex and activating each other’s old wounds to following social habits and learning that cause us to hide our true selves. At the end of the day, we see some very harmful patterns between men and women that cause relationships to melt down. For women, often relationships fail because you don’t know what it is you really want from your partner or, if you do, you don’t ask clearly. If this goes on long enough, you end up resentful and frustrated and take it out on your partner. For men, often relationships fail because you are trying to pretend to be something you are not, the perfect boyfriend, husband, father or man, instead of admitting your true needs and your own challenges. If this goes on long enough, you end up defensive and are driven to get your needs met elsewhere. While some women have a more male approach and some men have a more female approach, these destructive patterns usually are the ruination of relationships. Women, we have created The Relationship You Want workshop coming up this month, which will help you get in touch with your own desires, explore any negative patterns and habits you have that are relationship killers and make the commitment to clearly and honestly share your needs in a constructive way. We will help you overcome any fears you have about doing so! Men, it is time to get really honest with yourself and with your partner – what makes you excited and passionate in your life, what are your struggles – it is time to start sharing all of this, even if there are things you think your partner may not want to hear. It is also important to learn how to share constructively! A great way to start is by reading Cockfidence and then attending our next Cockfidence Workshop. Men, Women and Couples, your relationships and your sex lives can improve exponentially by doing some in-person Somatica Therapy and Coaching for Couples, Women and Men.

As all good things must come to an end, here is the final excerpt of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.  Chapter 9 is about sensuality, sexual connection, and slowing things down.  If you enjoyed these small teasers of our book you can find the full version here.  Enjoy!

— Quality 9 – Sensuality —

Sensuality is an approach to sexual connection that utilizes all the senses: sight, touch, taste, smell, and hearing. Sensuality is indicated by a willingness to go slow, give varied touch, and enjoy the stimulation of all of your and your partner’s senses in a sexual experience. It is predicated on the ability to focus on each delectable moment of a sexual interaction and to let go of orgasm as the only or ultimate goal of sex. When women describe their best sexual experiences, they almost always express detailed descriptions of sensual acts such as kissing, touching or being looked at with desire. When you bring sensuality to a woman, you are catering to her body’s longings.

Women’s capacity for pleasure and orgasms is endless. While this sounds very promising, these possibilities can bring up performance anxiety for many women who worry that they need to have every type of orgasm and be able to ejaculate, etc. Women also fear that they take too long; while men are often trying to hold off on their orgasms as long as possible, women are generally rushing to the finish.

Women worry that men won’t appreciate them as sexual partners if they don’t have orgasms the way they think men want them to (i.e., during intercourse or without a vibrator) or quickly enough. Throughout history women suffered from sexual oppression and limitation around their orgasms; they were told that something was wrong with them if they couldn’t have what Freud referred to as “vaginal orgasms” and that clitoral orgasms were “immature.” We invite you to celebrate women for their full potential without putting pressure on them to prove that they can do it all. The pressure merely leads to women faking orgasms, making it even less likely that you learn how to give her pleasure and orgasm. You can support your partner by letting go of the hierarchy of orgasms and appreciating orgasms however and whenever they come in a sexual experience, as well as allowing women to have their choice around orgasm, since some women might not want to orgasm every time they have sex.

The three major types of orgasms – clitoral, G-Spot and cervical – each travel across a different set of nerves and therefore create a different sensation in the body. This also means that women can have combination orgasms, where two or three of the neuropathways are being activated. Next, we will explore how you can best help her reach each of these different types of orgasm…

Recently, we blogged about testosterone levels in men. We talked about the inaccurate and doubtful testing methods, to how environment, age, rest and exercise effects testosterone levels giving men options on how to can raise testosterone levels naturally. Recently, we came upon this really interesting study for men that shows that breathing in women’s natural scent can be another fantastic way to raise your “T” levels. Take note women, leaving the perfume and the deodorant on the shelf may be the most effective way to attract the right man.

We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in our book for men. This book holds the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually. Curiosity is the seventh quality and the seventh chapter – here is a small taste:

— Chapter 7 – Curiosity —

Often, when a man enters into an experience with a particular woman, he can attempt to avoid any perceived “negative” experiences and skirt around any challenges. This can result in the man being very outcome-driven, self-critical, judgmental or fearful,. This approach hinders the natural flow of energy between two people, and makes it much more likely that an interaction will end up feeling difficult, stilted and unsatisfactory.

A much more comfortable place from which to approach women – and the world in general – is from a place of curiosity. Curiosity is a way of looking at each new experience from a receptive, open place, without judgment or any sense of what the outcome might be. You just feel an experience in the moment. Taking this approach gives you an opportunity to see what you can learn about yourself and the women in your life.

This state of open curiosity need not only apply when you are connecting with a woman for the first time, but can be an ongoing approach. The beauty of curiosity is that it allows for the natural joys and challenges that happen over time between two people. An ongoing state of curiosity also acknowledges that either you or the woman you are interacting with can and will change over time. So often in relationships a desire to control the unknown leads to stagnation and boredom. An attitude of curiosity joyfully invites the unknown, making room for ongoing growth, excitement and passion between you and your partner.
In this chapter, we offer you information about women that might help you better understand their different psychology and biology. This information is general information that is true about most women. While we offer generalizations, make sure to stay curious about the unique ways that these show up in your partner.

In this latest except of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”, we explore Empathy, the 6th quality necessary to being an extraordinary lover.

— Quality 6 – Empathy —

Emotional connection, also known as “intimacy,” is one of the most common desires that women have in relationship. And, while both men and women are deeply emotional creatures, men get very strong cultural messages about repressing their emotions. Women are generally given more permission for expression.

Because men are taught to repress their emotions, they have less experience dealing with outward displays of emotion and are often overwhelmed in the face of a partner’s tears or anger – particularly if they feel like they are responsible for the upset.

Women are much less likely to separate emotions into “positive” and “negative” the way that men do, which is why women might talk about having a “good cry,” a phrase which may sound to you like an oxymoron. Women generally have a feeling of release or being cleaned out and opened up when they are able to express their emotions, especially when they feel seen, heard and understood. Emotions are not a problem to be fixed and the fact that a woman you are with has emotions does not mean that she is broken nor does it mean that you did something wrong.

Emotions are a doorway to deeper intimacy and trust. When emotions do bubble up, it is often a sign that a woman’s feelings for you are deepening. The fact that she feels safe enough to let them out is a sign that she trusts that you can handle her. Each time your partner is upset it is actually an opportunity for you to feel confident, for her to feel listened to and for the two of you to get closer.

The payoff is that a woman who has released her feelings of frustration or resentment and who has been listened to often moves to a space of softness and receptivity in her body. When she lets out the emotional blocks in her body, she is more able to fully let you in and to allow her sexual energy to move freely in her own body and between the two of you.

In this section, we explain how to be with a woman when she is expressing her emotions. This is one of the most important skills you need to increase your ability to have better sex and close relationships with women.

We came across this article on men and cuddling some time ago and thought we would share it with you.

While the information in the article is a bit confusing and there is some misinformation (about women’s sexual peak for example), we love the finding that men become avid cuddlers and women become more sex driven in older age so we’d thought we’d share it with you. It is a great reminder that we need all kinds of touch and connection in our relationships and keeping connection through caresses, kisses, hugs, cuddles and sex increases couples overall happiness.

Here is one more chapter except of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.

— Quality 5 – Passion —

To really excite and intrigue any woman, you need to be passionate about more than just her; you need to begin to look at your whole life through passionate eyes. If you are currently living your life based on what you should do instead of what interests or intrigues you, it is time to find your own path that excites and inspires you, and to support the women in your life in finding their passion too. It is possible to bring passion into every part of your life, and a Cockfident man feels passion for his work flowing into passion for his hobbies, flowing into passion for his partner.

Live a Life of Passion

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? As a boy, there were probably many activities and topics you were passionate about and we hope there still are. If, in the time it took to read this last paragraph about passion, you haven’t already identified three things you are passionate about (not including your partner if you have one), then it is time for you to reacquaint yourself with your passionate side. Your sense of freedom and power rests on your ability to enjoy your own life and give your gift to the world. There is nothing more attractive than someone who is willing to follow through with what they truly believe. Notice if you are judging any of your passions as trivial or discounting them. Notice whose voices are in your head naysaying or criticizing. Just for a moment, see if you can suspend the judgmental voice and remember what you are passionate about. You might also think about how your family of origin responded to ideas or desires that inspired you and how they communicated their expectations.

Take some time to ponder or write on the following questions:

• What is a topic that you could talk about for hours without tiring?
• What activities do you do that make you feel more like yourself?
• What are things that you do for your friends or family that make you feel most proud and content?
• What ideas and experiences grab your interest and make your heart beat faster?

Now check what percentage of your life is spent in the pursuit of these activities, ideas and experiences. Is it enough? Only you know the answer to this question, only you can decide what you want your life to look like, and only you can know the right way to live your life.

We have heard of a lot of talk lately about the big “T” – testosterone, and more specifically, testosterone replacement therapy. (TRT, which is a nice way to say “injecting yourself with a highly volatile anabolic steroid, possibly for the rest of your life.”) If you decide to start TRT, after a while, you may not be able to stop, in part because the mechanism that creates testosterone naturally in your body is on a negative feedback loop – meaning the more your body senses that it has, the less it makes. And while hypogonadism (the condition that causes low testosterone) is a serious issue and is not to be discounted, it is much more rare than the numbers of men being diagnosed as having low testosterone. If you think you might have hypogonadism, you should get yourself tested. It is much more likely that many men (and women) have low testosterone for many different reasons, and we wanted to point out some alarming facts in the big T conundrum. We also then give you five real ways to naturally boost (in some cases quite high ) your free testosterone. Maybe you or someone you know has been diagnosed, or you suspect you might have low testosterone – or are just curious about it all – read on…

Most doctors measure total testosterone to make a diagnosis of low testosterone, despite the American Association for Clinical Chemistry and many other world-wide organizations asking for standardized testing and a type of testing for what is known as “Free Testosterone”, which is the amount of testosterone in your body that is available (“free”) for use and not bound to a larger molecule that makes it essentially inert. Free testosterone is less than two percent of your total testosterone, and because it exists in such small amounts, the testing gets less accurate and therefore more expensive to do correctly. What makes this even worse is that total testosterone varies a great deal among men, and it does not accurately predict free testosterone, which varies much less. If your doctor only tests total testosterone, you can have low total, but high free testosterone and be put on a lifelong treatment plan incorrectly.

We really hope this helps in your quest for “T” knowledge. While we are not physicians, we really care about your health, and ultimately, your sex lives. Low testosterone can be a very serious issue, but it can also be a symptom – not necessarily the cause – of a lager emotional or psychological issue. Stress, rest, sex – they are all interconnected, and taking a drug to balance out what your body really needs (as opposed to when there is an actual illness) is never a good idea.

It’s been a little while since we posted a chapter except of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.  Did you miss it?  Are you dying to find out what the fourth quality of an extraordinary lover is? I bet you are.  Well with no further ado here is is

— Quality  4 – Generosity —

Growing up, many boys saw their parents and other close adults, filled with pressure and an expectation to provide, give to their families out of obligation. Fathers stayed in tedious jobs they hated and dealt with their partner’s and children’s needs because that was what they were “supposed” to do. Mothers gave up their dreams and desires and did everything for the sake of their children. These role models generally ranged from resigned to resentful and angry. They were certainly neither free nor powerful.

Boys who grew up with the message that they were supposed to put their own needs, feelings, goals and desires aside in the name of obligation often turn into men who give from a place of obligation. They slowly, and often unconsciously, build resentment and frustration along the way. As they continue along the path of obligation, these men begin to feel deprived and unfulfilled.

At the same time, many men experience a feeling of scarcity around women; they are afraid that women only want them for what they can give or they fear they will never find another woman if they lose the one they have. In the face of this perceived scarcity, they attempt to maintain the relationship by giving or doing things that they don’t want to do. When you are giving out of scarcity and obligation you lose true generosity. Worse, this kind of giving often leads to resentment. When you stay true to your own goals and desires and give from love instead of obligation, you are free, powerful and emotionally available to your partner because you are being who you really are. This is why it is essential to learn how to give out of generosity.

There is an easy way to tell that you are giving from a place of generosity as opposed to obligation. When you are in the act of giving, breathe deeply and tune in to what it feels like in your body in the moment. If you are feeling light and excited during the experience, then you know you are giving from generosity; if you feel a sense of heaviness, exhaustion or frustration, you are giving out of obligation.

The tricky part about giving out of obligation is that it can seem like it feels good because you can get a lot of positive reinforcement. For example, working at a job you hate day in and day out may get you consistent appreciation from your partner, but the actual sensations that you have during the hours and hours you spend at work are oppressive and painful. Over time, your life gets more and more unbearable as you feel less and less freedom to live your life the way that you want to. The same can happen in your sex life. Being an Extraodinary Lover and a Cockfident man means listening to your body as you give.