Exposed

As all good things must come to an end, here is the final excerpt of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.  Chapter 9 is about sensuality, sexual connection, and slowing things down.  If you enjoyed these small teasers of our book you can find the full version here.  Enjoy!

— Quality 9 – Sensuality —

Sensuality is an approach to sexual connection that utilizes all the senses: sight, touch, taste, smell, and hearing. Sensuality is indicated by a willingness to go slow, give varied touch, and enjoy the stimulation of all of your and your partner’s senses in a sexual experience. It is predicated on the ability to focus on each delectable moment of a sexual interaction and to let go of orgasm as the only or ultimate goal of sex. When women describe their best sexual experiences, they almost always express detailed descriptions of sensual acts such as kissing, touching or being looked at with desire. When you bring sensuality to a woman, you are catering to her body’s longings.

Women’s capacity for pleasure and orgasms is endless. While this sounds very promising, these possibilities can bring up performance anxiety for many women who worry that they need to have every type of orgasm and be able to ejaculate, etc. Women also fear that they take too long; while men are often trying to hold off on their orgasms as long as possible, women are generally rushing to the finish.

Women worry that men won’t appreciate them as sexual partners if they don’t have orgasms the way they think men want them to (i.e., during intercourse or without a vibrator) or quickly enough. Throughout history women suffered from sexual oppression and limitation around their orgasms; they were told that something was wrong with them if they couldn’t have what Freud referred to as “vaginal orgasms” and that clitoral orgasms were “immature.” We invite you to celebrate women for their full potential without putting pressure on them to prove that they can do it all. The pressure merely leads to women faking orgasms, making it even less likely that you learn how to give her pleasure and orgasm. You can support your partner by letting go of the hierarchy of orgasms and appreciating orgasms however and whenever they come in a sexual experience, as well as allowing women to have their choice around orgasm, since some women might not want to orgasm every time they have sex.

The three major types of orgasms – clitoral, G-Spot and cervical – each travel across a different set of nerves and therefore create a different sensation in the body. This also means that women can have combination orgasms, where two or three of the neuropathways are being activated. Next, we will explore how you can best help her reach each of these different types of orgasm…

We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in Cockfidence, our book for men. This book holds the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually.  Spontaneity, (or the combination of  Creativity and Flexibility) is the eight quality and the eight chapter – here is a small taste:

— Chapter 8 – Spontaneity (Creativity + Flexibility) —

You may also fear that bringing passionate energy will overwhelm a woman as though women are delicate and easily broken. This could cause you to hold back your passion, especially if you feel that you have too much or that it will not be received. On the contrary, most women’s bodies are strong enough to receive all the passion you have in your body for her and more. She may be surprised by it at first, which is why it takes confidence to stay with the feeling and not allow her embarrassment or surprise to pull you both out of it. Instead, with your passionate look and your focused confidence, you pull her into the hottest experiences you have ever had.

Passionate Words
Passion has to do with immediacy, intensity of desire, animalistic need, uncontrollable urges, and overwhelming feelings. Examples include:

• Talking about how she brings out the animal in you: “I could eat you alive right now.”
• Sharing the intensity of your physical need: “I can’t wait to be inside you.”
• Telling her how strongly you feel about her: “When you are near me, my heart feels like it is going to explode.”
• Talking about how her pleasure and her body delights you: “When I feel you come, energy shoots through my whole body; I could spend hours just licking and tasting you.”

Passionate Gestures

• Throwing her up against a wall on a walk or at home and kissing and touching her passionately. (It can be great to do this in public sometimes as long as she is open to it; it means you can’t wait until you have her alone, you have to have her right now.)
• Looking at her with an intensity of desire in your eyes like you can’t hold back any longer.
• Shouting out your window, “I’m with the sexiest woman in the world and I want everyone to know it!”
• Having a lovemaking session where you make sure that you kiss, lick, bite, smell or suck every inch of her body. Make sure you suck on her toes and fingers and don’t miss a single spot!

We continue our blog-per-week from a chapter in our book for men. This book holds the 9 qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually. Curiosity is the seventh quality and the seventh chapter – here is a small taste:

— Chapter 7 – Curiosity —

Often, when a man enters into an experience with a particular woman, he can attempt to avoid any perceived “negative” experiences and skirt around any challenges. This can result in the man being very outcome-driven, self-critical, judgmental or fearful,. This approach hinders the natural flow of energy between two people, and makes it much more likely that an interaction will end up feeling difficult, stilted and unsatisfactory.

A much more comfortable place from which to approach women – and the world in general – is from a place of curiosity. Curiosity is a way of looking at each new experience from a receptive, open place, without judgment or any sense of what the outcome might be. You just feel an experience in the moment. Taking this approach gives you an opportunity to see what you can learn about yourself and the women in your life.

This state of open curiosity need not only apply when you are connecting with a woman for the first time, but can be an ongoing approach. The beauty of curiosity is that it allows for the natural joys and challenges that happen over time between two people. An ongoing state of curiosity also acknowledges that either you or the woman you are interacting with can and will change over time. So often in relationships a desire to control the unknown leads to stagnation and boredom. An attitude of curiosity joyfully invites the unknown, making room for ongoing growth, excitement and passion between you and your partner.
In this chapter, we offer you information about women that might help you better understand their different psychology and biology. This information is general information that is true about most women. While we offer generalizations, make sure to stay curious about the unique ways that these show up in your partner.

In this latest except of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”, we explore Empathy, the 6th quality necessary to being an extraordinary lover.

— Quality 6 – Empathy —

Emotional connection, also known as “intimacy,” is one of the most common desires that women have in relationship. And, while both men and women are deeply emotional creatures, men get very strong cultural messages about repressing their emotions. Women are generally given more permission for expression.

Because men are taught to repress their emotions, they have less experience dealing with outward displays of emotion and are often overwhelmed in the face of a partner’s tears or anger – particularly if they feel like they are responsible for the upset.

Women are much less likely to separate emotions into “positive” and “negative” the way that men do, which is why women might talk about having a “good cry,” a phrase which may sound to you like an oxymoron. Women generally have a feeling of release or being cleaned out and opened up when they are able to express their emotions, especially when they feel seen, heard and understood. Emotions are not a problem to be fixed and the fact that a woman you are with has emotions does not mean that she is broken nor does it mean that you did something wrong.

Emotions are a doorway to deeper intimacy and trust. When emotions do bubble up, it is often a sign that a woman’s feelings for you are deepening. The fact that she feels safe enough to let them out is a sign that she trusts that you can handle her. Each time your partner is upset it is actually an opportunity for you to feel confident, for her to feel listened to and for the two of you to get closer.

The payoff is that a woman who has released her feelings of frustration or resentment and who has been listened to often moves to a space of softness and receptivity in her body. When she lets out the emotional blocks in her body, she is more able to fully let you in and to allow her sexual energy to move freely in her own body and between the two of you.

In this section, we explain how to be with a woman when she is expressing her emotions. This is one of the most important skills you need to increase your ability to have better sex and close relationships with women.

Here is one more chapter except of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.

— Quality 5 – Passion —

To really excite and intrigue any woman, you need to be passionate about more than just her; you need to begin to look at your whole life through passionate eyes. If you are currently living your life based on what you should do instead of what interests or intrigues you, it is time to find your own path that excites and inspires you, and to support the women in your life in finding their passion too. It is possible to bring passion into every part of your life, and a Cockfident man feels passion for his work flowing into passion for his hobbies, flowing into passion for his partner.

Live a Life of Passion

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? As a boy, there were probably many activities and topics you were passionate about and we hope there still are. If, in the time it took to read this last paragraph about passion, you haven’t already identified three things you are passionate about (not including your partner if you have one), then it is time for you to reacquaint yourself with your passionate side. Your sense of freedom and power rests on your ability to enjoy your own life and give your gift to the world. There is nothing more attractive than someone who is willing to follow through with what they truly believe. Notice if you are judging any of your passions as trivial or discounting them. Notice whose voices are in your head naysaying or criticizing. Just for a moment, see if you can suspend the judgmental voice and remember what you are passionate about. You might also think about how your family of origin responded to ideas or desires that inspired you and how they communicated their expectations.

Take some time to ponder or write on the following questions:

• What is a topic that you could talk about for hours without tiring?
• What activities do you do that make you feel more like yourself?
• What are things that you do for your friends or family that make you feel most proud and content?
• What ideas and experiences grab your interest and make your heart beat faster?

Now check what percentage of your life is spent in the pursuit of these activities, ideas and experiences. Is it enough? Only you know the answer to this question, only you can decide what you want your life to look like, and only you can know the right way to live your life.

Having a little bit of fun this week with our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.   We used this nifty tool that allows you to paste in any content and transform it into a beautiful image of a word map.  The way word maps work is that they will put more visual emphasis on words that repeat more often or are more prevalent in the chosen text.  We were curious to see what pasting in our entire book would result in.  Here it is for your enjoyment; our book Cockfidence, condensed down to one word map. See what you will learn about when you read it in a quick glance…

It’s been a little while since we posted a chapter except of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.  Did you miss it?  Are you dying to find out what the fourth quality of an extraordinary lover is? I bet you are.  Well with no further ado here is is

— Quality  4 – Generosity —

Growing up, many boys saw their parents and other close adults, filled with pressure and an expectation to provide, give to their families out of obligation. Fathers stayed in tedious jobs they hated and dealt with their partner’s and children’s needs because that was what they were “supposed” to do. Mothers gave up their dreams and desires and did everything for the sake of their children. These role models generally ranged from resigned to resentful and angry. They were certainly neither free nor powerful.

Boys who grew up with the message that they were supposed to put their own needs, feelings, goals and desires aside in the name of obligation often turn into men who give from a place of obligation. They slowly, and often unconsciously, build resentment and frustration along the way. As they continue along the path of obligation, these men begin to feel deprived and unfulfilled.

At the same time, many men experience a feeling of scarcity around women; they are afraid that women only want them for what they can give or they fear they will never find another woman if they lose the one they have. In the face of this perceived scarcity, they attempt to maintain the relationship by giving or doing things that they don’t want to do. When you are giving out of scarcity and obligation you lose true generosity. Worse, this kind of giving often leads to resentment. When you stay true to your own goals and desires and give from love instead of obligation, you are free, powerful and emotionally available to your partner because you are being who you really are. This is why it is essential to learn how to give out of generosity.

There is an easy way to tell that you are giving from a place of generosity as opposed to obligation. When you are in the act of giving, breathe deeply and tune in to what it feels like in your body in the moment. If you are feeling light and excited during the experience, then you know you are giving from generosity; if you feel a sense of heaviness, exhaustion or frustration, you are giving out of obligation.

The tricky part about giving out of obligation is that it can seem like it feels good because you can get a lot of positive reinforcement. For example, working at a job you hate day in and day out may get you consistent appreciation from your partner, but the actual sensations that you have during the hours and hours you spend at work are oppressive and painful. Over time, your life gets more and more unbearable as you feel less and less freedom to live your life the way that you want to. The same can happen in your sex life. Being an Extraodinary Lover and a Cockfident man means listening to your body as you give.

We are already on chapter 3 of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”. Confidence is the third of nine qualities for men to possess in order to reclaim your sense of power, understand and express your sexual desires, drive women wild sexually and maintain your personal sense of freedom.

— Chapter 3 – Confidence —

If we take a broad-brush approach to the idea of sexual mastery, we can say that blocks to mastery are, in almost every case, perpetuated and exacerbated by anxiety about performance. It is not surprising that a lot of men experience performance anxiety since boys are socialized around having to prove they are always capable and competent. When men doubt their competence they begin to loose confidence in themselves, which leads to performance anxiety.

We do not refer to sexual issues as sexual dysfunctions. This is because many instances of what doctors and sex therapists refer to as sexual dysfunction in this culture are actually functional response to dysfunctional situations or beliefs. In other words, quick ejaculation, inability to get an erection or an inability to orgasm may be your body giving you an important message. It may be saying, “this situation is too anxiety producing for me and I am not comfortable.” Or, it may be saying “When she is critical of me all the time, I don’t really want to go inside there” or “I don’t know how to trust a woman enough to fully let go with her” or, “I’m going to get in and out really quickly because she probably doesn’t like this.”

To regain the confidence of sexual mastery, we focus on the body and of experiencing sensation, not tuning away from it. There are some simple steps to do so, and it begins with slowing down…

Today we take a look at the second of the 9 qualities that you must possess in order to reclaim your sense of power, understand and express your sexual desires, drive women wild sexually and maintain your personal sense of freedom.  That second quality is Acceptance and that is the subject of the 2nd chapter of our book Cockfidence.

Let us know what you think in the comments below and tell us; how are some of the ways you practice “Acceptance” in your daily life?

— Chapter 2 – Acceptance —

Acceptance means having relationships with others where you celebrate those aspects of the person you enjoy and desire and realizing that there is nothing you can do to change the parts that make you uncomfortable or upset. The way people change is when they are personally inspired for their own reasons to do so. Acceptance is not the same as settling. To accept your partner exactly as she is doesn’t mean going along with things that don’t work for you. The solution is not to change her but to express your needs and your boundaries. When you can do this with love and acceptance, you give her the safety of discovering herself and what she is capable of. With clear requests and non-defensive boundaries, you can take care of yourself and open doors for her to do the same. Being a truly Cockfident man and an Extraordinary Lover to women takes a tremendous amount of acceptance of yourself, your partner, and the people who are part of your life. A deep sense of power and freedom comes from acceptance, because acceptance allows you to know, at the most basic level, that everything is okay. This kind of acceptance means relearning how to listen to your emotions, something that boys are trained away from early in life. It means letting go of perfection and finding out what “good enough” means. Finally, it means making space for your partner to be who she is instead of wishing she lived up to your fantasies or desires.

Recent research on men has shown that men actually have much stronger immediate emotional reactions than women. Also they successfully quell their emotions and move into thinking, figuring out, and fixing much more quickly than women.

The lack of freedom that men have in regard to acknowledging and listening to their emotions leads men to think that they are making rational decisions, when they are often unconsciously making emotional decisions or making decisions that discount their emotional needs completely. When you ignore your emotions they are relegated to the unconscious; when you are unconscious your emotions can control your behaviors without you having any understanding of what is driving you. On the other hand, if you discount your emotional needs in service of making rational decisions, you end up living a life that seems “right” but doesn’t feel good.

In our book Cockfidence, we help men learn the 9 qualities that you must possess in order to reclaim your sense of power, understand and express your sexual desires, drive women wild sexually and maintain your personal sense of freedom.  Presence is the first quality and the first chapter:

—– Chapter 1 – Presence —–

If you spend your entire life in your head planning and worrying about the future or reliving or regretting the past, then you don’t get the chance to know who you really are and what you really want. You also don’t get to experience the deeper connections that are possible from sex and relationships.

Another option is to live an embodied life where you are present in the moment. Living an embodied life means being connected to your senses and your emotions in the present moment. When you tune into each of your senses and feel what is happening in your body, you appreciate the fullness and satisfaction of every experience you have. Living in your body also means being aware of and making space for your emotions. While, for some, emotions feel extraneous, emotions are biologically essential for people’s survival. As social animals, humans need emotions to know what we need and communicate those needs with others. When you allow emotions to move through you instead of trying to stop them or figure them out they flow smoothly and dissolve, leaving you with a sense of lightness and freedom.

Sex, at the most basic level, is an act of physical connection, creation and creativity. Anything that takes you out of your normal, habitual daily behaviors, requires you to make physical connections and increases your creativity creates new pathways between your brain and your body that can then be strengthened and expanded upon. You may also feel this way after any activity that takes you out of your logical brain and brings you to your body and your creative force.