Exposed

The article When Monogamy Is a Cop-Out: Why Follow Society’s Rules About Sex? touches on some interesting points about choices we make in our relationships. Aside from the oversimplification around who might be interested in non-monogamy (there’s more to it than that men want to spread their seed and women want to make nests as has been noted in studies of our fellow primates, for example female chimpanzees have sex with multiple partners during ovulation in order to ensure that there will be many fathers interested in caring for their young), we really like this article. Monogamy does seem to be the default for most couples and, when offered the choice of non-monogamy, most people say, “But, does that really ever work?” The truth is, sometimes monogamy works and sometimes it doesn’t (50% of marriages end in divorce) and sometimes open relationships work and sometimes they don’t. As a default, monogamy can lead to resentment, a feeling of being trapped, and a lack of communication around each persons desires. Often those in relationship say nothing to a partner about what they desire, shielding these vulnerabilities behind the ideal of monogamy, instead of asking for what they want so as to avoid their partners fears or disapproval. We encourage everyone – from those in their 50th year in marriage to those dating – to approach monogamy as just one of the items on the menu, not as the only thing possible. It might be what you end up choosing, and then you can feel great about it!

Are Yogasms Real? Seems like more and more yoga enthusiasts are admitting to them.

Nothing like strengthening those PC muscles and adding in a bit of yogic breathing to make your yoga practice that much more pleasurable. Perhaps if you practice regularly you can start having spontaneous orgasms wherever you are!

An Orgasm is Good For You!  As if there was not enough reasons to give yourself (many!) orgasms, now there’s a few more. Lower tension and  blood pressure, better sleep, and even less cravings and addictive behaviors. This article does have some slightly inaccurate info on non-clitoral orgasms, and the differences in feelings that come from clitoral vs. G-Spot orgasms – to be clear, even when you are having both your clitoris and G-spot stimulated at the same time, you can generally tell whether your orgasm is more centered in the clitoris or G-Spot, because you can feel where the sensation originates (externally vs. internally). Also, clitoral orgasms generally feel like a building of centralized tension followed by a release, while G-Spot orgasms usually feel more like waves spreading throughout the whole body (and often through the throat which is why they can be quite loud). Science may be able to identify what a particular orgasm does or it’s mechanism for progressing, but ultimately, you know what feels good to your body.  We encourage you to explore your body, do what feels good, and do your own research — not just into your orgasm, but into all the ways you feel pleasure!

We love involving more and more of the whole body in a sexual experience, as this article suggests, and when you engage your senses everywhere you go, like can be one big sexy adventure. Embodiment through sensual engagement is not just a foundation for the work that we do in sessions, but ultimately for everything we do out in the world. Eating ice cream or watching leaves ripple on a tree on a windy day can be extremely arousing and sexy, especially when you allow all of your senses to feed into and connect with your sexual desire.

Cory Silverberg’s fantastic article combats more than just fatigue, it is for anyone where sex has waned in their relationship. Acknowledgment, acceptance, focusing on sex beyond just intercourse, and focusing on desire are all things we champion as Somatica practitioners and we’re really happy to see them here. Embodiment is not just for times when you are at your peak – it is something to experience all the time, staying connected with yourself, acknowledging what you are capable of, and communicating your feelings, desires and capacities with your partner.

Whether you are in a relationship or in the process of looking for a relationship that really works for you, it is important to know why they fail and what you can do about it! There are many reasons why relationships fail, from being in the vortex and activating each other’s old wounds to following social habits and learning that cause us to hide our true selves. At the end of the day, we see some very harmful patterns between men and women that cause relationships to melt down. For women, often relationships fail because you don’t know what it is you really want from your partner or, if you do, you don’t ask clearly. If this goes on long enough, you end up resentful and frustrated and take it out on your partner. For men, often relationships fail because you are trying to pretend to be something you are not, the perfect boyfriend, husband, father or man, instead of admitting your true needs and your own challenges. If this goes on long enough, you end up defensive and are driven to get your needs met elsewhere. While some women have a more male approach and some men have a more female approach, these destructive patterns usually are the ruination of relationships. Women, we have created The Relationship You Want workshop coming up this month, which will help you get in touch with your own desires, explore any negative patterns and habits you have that are relationship killers and make the commitment to clearly and honestly share your needs in a constructive way. We will help you overcome any fears you have about doing so! Men, it is time to get really honest with yourself and with your partner – what makes you excited and passionate in your life, what are your struggles – it is time to start sharing all of this, even if there are things you think your partner may not want to hear. It is also important to learn how to share constructively! A great way to start is by reading Cockfidence and then attending our next Cockfidence Workshop. Men, Women and Couples, your relationships and your sex lives can improve exponentially by doing some in-person Somatica Therapy and Coaching for Couples, Women and Men.

As all good things must come to an end, here is the final excerpt of our book “Cockfidence – The Extraordinary Lover’s Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild”.  Chapter 9 is about sensuality, sexual connection, and slowing things down.  If you enjoyed these small teasers of our book you can find the full version here.  Enjoy!

— Quality 9 – Sensuality —

Sensuality is an approach to sexual connection that utilizes all the senses: sight, touch, taste, smell, and hearing. Sensuality is indicated by a willingness to go slow, give varied touch, and enjoy the stimulation of all of your and your partner’s senses in a sexual experience. It is predicated on the ability to focus on each delectable moment of a sexual interaction and to let go of orgasm as the only or ultimate goal of sex. When women describe their best sexual experiences, they almost always express detailed descriptions of sensual acts such as kissing, touching or being looked at with desire. When you bring sensuality to a woman, you are catering to her body’s longings.

Women’s capacity for pleasure and orgasms is endless. While this sounds very promising, these possibilities can bring up performance anxiety for many women who worry that they need to have every type of orgasm and be able to ejaculate, etc. Women also fear that they take too long; while men are often trying to hold off on their orgasms as long as possible, women are generally rushing to the finish.

Women worry that men won’t appreciate them as sexual partners if they don’t have orgasms the way they think men want them to (i.e., during intercourse or without a vibrator) or quickly enough. Throughout history women suffered from sexual oppression and limitation around their orgasms; they were told that something was wrong with them if they couldn’t have what Freud referred to as “vaginal orgasms” and that clitoral orgasms were “immature.” We invite you to celebrate women for their full potential without putting pressure on them to prove that they can do it all. The pressure merely leads to women faking orgasms, making it even less likely that you learn how to give her pleasure and orgasm. You can support your partner by letting go of the hierarchy of orgasms and appreciating orgasms however and whenever they come in a sexual experience, as well as allowing women to have their choice around orgasm, since some women might not want to orgasm every time they have sex.

The three major types of orgasms – clitoral, G-Spot and cervical – each travel across a different set of nerves and therefore create a different sensation in the body. This also means that women can have combination orgasms, where two or three of the neuropathways are being activated. Next, we will explore how you can best help her reach each of these different types of orgasm…