In our coaching, we run into many men who say that they feel that they have internalized the virgin/whore dichotomy, that they can imagine having wild, fantasy-filled, and naughty sex with just about anyone other than the woman with whom they are in love. We want you to know that that dichotomy is inside of you, and it comes from shame. All those things that you can imagine doing with a mistress, a porn star or a prostitute (and not your wife or or girlfriend) is a separation between what you feel are your acceptable sexual desires and your unacceptable sexual desires. However, in order to maintain a long-term, sexually hot and passionate relationship with a woman who you love and care about, you will need to keep all of the things you find most sexually exciting about sex involved in that relationship. She will need to be your virgin and your whore, your goddess and your slut. Don’t try to blame it on her and say that she is not going to be up for anything, especially if you’ve never even tried to broach the subject. And if you have asked, and she said she isn’t, then she’s got some shame too. Come on in, we’ll help you create a lifetime of exciting, fantastic sex!
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Celeste & Danielle's Blog – Sex Tips, Latest Sex News, Sex Research
I totally see, and experience this. Damned if you do and then damned if you don’t. Is this a cultural thing? Do women do this as well? How do people manage to compartmentalize this and expect partners to read their minds? Saw the film “Kinsley” last night on TV – interesting.
Hi Goddesses, I am a Tantra Coach/facilitator and recently I read something Barbara Carrellia said in one of her books about the therapy of releasing fantasies. So I tried it in one of my sessions. Many men are attracted to my maturity so I added to my sessions “Mature Women Role Play”. I was amazed at how many men fantasized about older women. The few guys I worked with while releasing the fantasy were so relieved to learn that it was natural and to not feel shame about it. The arousal factor went way up to the point that it ignited the Tantra energy immensely. It seemed I could now work with them without something in the way. It really is therapeutic and dynamic.
Blessings,
Goddess Laurel/Linda