Exposed

It always amazes us how much information and transformation happens when we begin to coach experientially and hands-on with couples. While talking and learning to communicate face to face is very productive, when it comes to sex, much of the communication is non-verbal. Many people find it challenging to communicate their desires, to check on their partner if they are not sure that they are engaged in the sexual encounter, and to tell a partner when they are or aren’t enjoying themselves.

When we introduce hands on coaching to couples, some get nervous: “Do you want us to have sex in front of you?” As much as it might sound arousing to the reader, it can also be scary, and bring taboos and fears immediately to the surface – therefore we always stay within a couple’s comfort level. When a couple begins touching each other in the coaching room, a whole different aspect of their relating appears in the room. For example, when they explore a connecting breath, they might find out that they have strong connection on a heart level but nowhere else, they just aren’t feeling each other sexually. When they begin caressing each other, even when it comes to face and hand caresses, the real dynamics between them surface. When we see people interact at this level of intimacy, we can target our coaching much more quickly. For example, we might find that one partner is very dominant and that the other partner is terrified to move or touch with confidence. We might see that one is too focused on orgasm, and forgets to have fun (this is exactly when orgasms become stubborn and sneaky, and gets away from us without peaking). We love helping couples connect when they touch, caress, and make love. We love helping them ask for what they want and communicate their desires. We love watching them realize that YES – there is hope for their sexual relationship. We love watching them connect on a deeper, more fulfilling and more intimate level.

We often work with men who are in the process of dating women as a part of their search to find a fulfilling relationship. What we’ve found has been eye-opening. Many men, when approaching a first meeting with a woman call it a “date”, worry about how they should act, whether or not the woman is interested, how they are coming across, and what they are supposed to do at every turn. In short, they spend most of their time before, during and after the date worrying. They ask themselves “what will she think of me”, ‘what am I supposed to do next” and “what if I did it all wrong.” They also start thinking that this is their only chance at a relationship with someone compatible so they better not screw it up – essentially, they put all their eggs in one basket.

This is because they are bringing their inner Lover out too soon and have completely forgotten about their inner Player. While most of us who are interested in committed relationships often think of the word “Player” as a an dirty word, describing a man who is just out their to get laid and doesn’t care about women, we’d like to suggest an alternate definition for men who respect women. A Player is a man who is out there to have a good time playing with women, exploring adventure, intimacy and sexual energy from a place of comfort and ease. This is a process of getting to know multiple women in order to find one that really fits who they are.

Once you do find a woman who fits what you are looking for it is essential to keep your inner Player engaged, not getting too serious or too overly-enthusiastic about her too quickly. Only after you take the time to play with her and give her the space to approach you as much as you are approaching her, is it time to bring out your inner Lover. This is the time to talk to this woman about your adoration, bring your passion and intensity to the interaction and create the deep, loving and sexually charged connections only your inner Lover can bring.

It is when men get stuck in one of these two roles, perpetually the adolescent boy looking for a score and never finding a deeper connection or satisfaction, or perpetually the hopeless romantic, always serious, committed, rushing into the future and forgetting to enjoy the process of playing with each moment they share with a partner or potential partner. In order to keep passion, connection and fire alive, you have to balance these two personalities throughout a relationship, engaging your inner Player when you want to flirt and tease and then your inner Lover when you want to go to places of depth and intimacy. We love helping men create this balance in their lives so that they can find the woman of their dreams and know exactly how to seduce and satisfy her!

In passion,
Celeste and Danielle

Vibrators, what is all the fuss about vibrators? The bottom line is that most women, even if they love penetration and other types of vaginal stimulation, still need some good, focused clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm. Many women need LOTS of clitoral stimulation to come. But, many women are afraid to bring vibrators to the bedroom. Here are some common reasons why women deny themselves this pleasurable treat:

• They are afraid that they might hurt their partner’s ego, fearing he might be thinking “Does this mean that I am not a good enough lover?”
• They fear that something is wrong with them if they need a vibrator to come, so they are willing to forgo orgasms during sex or only have them occasionally.
• They feel (or fear that their partners will feel) that vibrators are not “NATURAL”.
• They are afraid that they will become addicted to vibrators and not be able to have orgasms through other sexual experiences

In response, here are some of our personal and professional thoughts about vibrators:
Using a vibrator during sex is as natural as eating with a fork or spoon, if we still did everything “naturally,” we’d be living in caves eating raw meat and berries. In the age of electricity and batteries, why not use some BUZZ to make our sex lives more fulfilling? The fact is, we refer to vibrators as man’s best friend in bed (the dog may not be much help here)! When using a vibrator’s you can also use your hands, fingers, cock, tongue and your words to drive her wild, and with the vibrator’s help she can enjoy many orgasms instead of focusing all attention to squeeze one little one out, or worse, to fake one. As for the fear that vibrators might be addictive… studies have shown that this simply is not the case.

Here is what a couple of our women clients said after we helped them embrace their vibrators:

“I now officially love vibrators and am going to tell everyone who will listen—i had the fuck of my life last night— i pulled out that Hitachi, proud as a new mother!”

AND…

“I just had to tell you – I *just* ordered my first vibrator (okay, THREE!) online – Hooray!!!! :-)
THANKS for helping to inspire me to get over my silly inhibitions and fears and to do what will bring me pleasure and joy in this life – What a blessed thing! Your workshop truly was inspiring, healing, empowering, and *just* what I needed in my life right now…. I’m committed to giving my pussy the love she deserves (and being sure she gets what she needs from my man as well!). HOORAY for that… Of course, even more importantly, I’m committed to giving my body and soul what it needs, feeding the goddess in me… But – the pussy is the source of the life-force (where babies come from after all!) – “The pussy is the path.” ;-)
Love you both!!!”

We invite you to try it out yourself and let us know what you think….

xox,

Danielle and Celeste

I was pretty stormy today…very emotional…in a way that only women can be. I almost forgot that I just came back from a relaxing weekend in Harbin Hot Springs that rejuvenated me and replenished my energy. I sat in front of the computer trying to answer some emails and move along with the day…nothing happened! I was sitting there biting my nails and then I remembered Celeste’s glowing face after she made a list of some of the things that give her pleasure, and decided to give it a try…so…what gives me pleasure is…

• Being heard and understood
• A good, warm hug
• A good cry or emotional release
• Seeing people transform and accept themselves right in front of my eyes
• Soaking in a deep, warm pool and feeling my breasts float, partly exposed to the cool air
• Dipping in a hot pool and then cold and hot over and over again and noticing how my body moves from tension and resistance to complete surrender, from surrender to fullness, and from fullness to joy and laughter – YES
• Coming to a place where I embrace my imperfections and say the hell with it
• Sunbathing in the nude and feeling the sun spread on my skin from my face to my neck to my belly to my pussy and between my legs
• Cuddling with my partner and watching a movie
• Having deep, connected, slow, intense, synchronized sex – being penetrated to the depth of my soul and being held there…
• Submitting to my desire when I feel horny, and initiating hot impatient sex
• Dipping good chocolate in hot cafe latte, and licking it slowly allowing it to melt in my mouth
• Eating food slowly when I am hungry
• Watching my kids cooperate and take care of each other
• Cuddling and laughing with my kids
• Asking for what I want
• A good massage given by a talented masseur
• Spreading my body naked in bed after a long day, and feeling the softness of the sheets caress my body
• Feeling my nipples get erect, and feeling arousal and aliveness spread in my body when it has nothing to do with sex

While typing I allowed myself to really embody the experience, I noticed how my body became relaxed, filled with joy, expanded, and felt more alive and aroused…
I can’t wait to get some inspiration from you all and find out what gives you pleasure…

xoxo,
Danielle

Sometimes when we walk through our day to day lives, we forget to check in and see if we are even enjoying ourselves. Because Danielle and I believe so deeply in the importance of living a pleasure-filled life, we often play a game with ourselves called, “What Gives Me Pleasure” where we take five minutes to list everything we can think of RIGHT NOW that does or would give us pleasure. Here is my latest list, what’s on yours?

• The slippery feeling of avocado across my tongue
• The sound of people’s voices when they feel excited or motivated about their lives
• Staring deeply into a persons eyes until I can see their soul glimmering through
• Brainstorming my next crazy adventure with my family and friends
• Being held in the strong embrace of someone who I love and who loves me
• The smell of vanilla and rose oils
• The way the sun feels when it hits my pussy during naked sunbathing
• The taste of coconut butter
• Sliding my hands along my hips and massaging my lower back
• Stretching my arms up as high as I can reach and letting out a deep sigh
• Lightly touching the softest part of a person’s body
• Deeply holding the hardest part of a person’s body
• Puer tea and everything else that tastes like the earth
• Bellydancing and belly laughing with my sisters
• Deep sleep with vivid dreams, bundled in the warmth of soft, fuzzy blankets
• Historical fiction or any other fiction that makes me stop for a second and see life from a different point of view
• Small dogs with flat or funny faces
• The way that tropical weather makes my whole body moist inside and out
• My mothers homemade tinctures
• The sound of my father’s voice when he reads to me

In passion,
Celeste