Orgasmic Intelligence: The Journey Back to Erotic Embodiment

Every child is born with orgasmic intelligence. Their experiences of their body are not kept at a safe distance and intellectualized, their actions, such as sleeping, eating, crying, and touching are in direct connection to their bodily desires. They fully experience their sensual selves as they commune with their outer world. Slowly, over time, and through feedback from parents, friends, and the larger society, children learn that there are certain socially acceptable ways that they must behave in order to get their physical and emotional needs met. Throughout this learning process they come to understand that some of the physical and emotional needs are approved of and some are frowned upon, and that there are certain times that they can get those needs met and other times that they cannot. Throughout the life-cycle people are told that sensual pleasure and satisfaction are unnecessary, excessive, and even dangerous. They learn to defer certain desires and, sometimes, to completely ignore or deny others. This process of distancing from, controlling, denying, and intellectualizing our desires, is a process of losing our orgasmic intelligence. This loss can be exacerbated by sexual and physical abuse, which often causes children and adults to distance themselves even further from their bodies and to mistrust themselves and other.

The problem with losing our orgasmic intelligence, our connection with our desire, pleasure, sensuality, and eroticism, is that these erotic feelings have the potential to be highly motivating in our lives and they are also the basis for other’s attraction to us. When we are erotically embodied, we exude a sexual magnetism others are pulled by from their deepest, most instinctual places. Aside from the fact that many of us spend vast amounts of time and energy looking for relationships and sexual partners to share our eroticism with, eroticism can also unleash our creativity, fill us with energy, increase our sense of love and respect for the planet we live on and deepen our relationship with the people and creatures who share the planet with us.

When we told a good friend, and fellow sexuality philosopher, about the idea of orgasmic intelligence, she said, “but doesn’t that focus too much importance on orgasms?” She had a point if what we meant by orgasm was simply the muscle contractions that one gets by certain kinds of stimulation to the genitals, however, this is not what we mean by orgasmic intelligence. Orgasmic intelligence is the ability that every body has inside of it at birth to experience sensual pleasure, and a deep sense of desire, arousal, satisfaction, and joy. Sometimes, after a night out dancing, we can feel more erotically radiant than if we had spent hours being made love to. Other times, after giving pleasure to a partner, and watching them experience the depth and breadth of their erotic potential we feel as beautifully fulfilled as if we‘d had ten orgasms. During our training as a Sexological Bodyworkers, we have experienced an orgasm that originated in the heart instead of the genitals, spreading warmth and love throughout our entire bodies. We call this a heart-gasm.

If the process of being socialized is often marked by a loss of our orgasmic intelligence, how can we regain this intelligence and reintegrate our eroticism into our daily lives and interactions so that we can experience erotic embodiment and all of the personal, interpersonal, social, and sensual benefits that come with it? In our upcoming articles we will expand on the philosophy of orgasmic intelligence and the daily practices and practical tips to help us become radiant, magnetic, fulfilled beings who attract magnificent friends and incredible lovers.